Facing prospect of second labour with no pain relief. Scared now. Advice please. (long)

[Cooperoo]

Hi there
I have kind of posted about this before but couldn't find my thread to resurrect it. I am currently 38 + 4 weeks with my second baby. I live in Cyprus as DH is with the forces. Due to various problems at our military hospital the theatres are out of action (and have been since November) and so they are not allowing us to deliver our babies there as they say it is not safe as they have no emergency contingency. Consequently we are being sent to Limassol General to deliver as this has been deemed the 'safe' option. I have been for a tour and although I have various problems with it (particularly the delivery suite) it is safe and practical and clean. The problem is that the only form of pain relief they offer is pethadine. There is no gas and air, no epidurals and not even access to a bath. I was lucky enough to have a water birth with dd using gas and air and so pethadine would not be my first choice anyway having not used it last time. They also do not administer it after you are 4 cm dilated so it is likely that when I want the pain relief it will be too late for pethadine anyway. I do have a TENS machine that the hospital have given us but didn't use this last time so don't know how it will help me this time. Basically I am scared that I will not cope and panic. In fact I already am panicking and have had a very emotional few days. This fear of delivery without pain relief is coupled with the fact that enemas, shaving and episiotomies are standard practice in the hospital and although I can say no (and will) and they will follow my wishes I feel I need to be very aware of what is going on around me which is adding to my fears.
Can anyone offer any advice or support? How can I make sure my instincts kick in over the fear?
I think I know that it will all be OK deep down because it has to be and this baby is coming out whether I like it or not but I currently don't feel able to cope very well and am dissolving in tears several times a day and unsurprisingly this is affecting my blood pressure (although not to cause a worry) and I feel will be having an impact on this poor baby. I really don't want to go to this hospital but my hands are tied. (It is also affecting my dd age 2 who knows Mummy is upset.) I am beginning to get quite depressed and feeling hopeless about the whole thing and know that I probably have another two weeks of feeling like this.

What I meant by that last post is that everything that worked so well with dd ie gas and air and the pool and nice room with dimmed lights and few VE's and being trusted to get on with it won't be able to happen this time. I know I was very lucky with dd. It is so apparent that this won't be the same and I guess that is making me sad too. But as you are all reminding me all births are different and so I certainly wouldn't get a repeat experience anyway. I guess I always thought it would be better second time round and now I am thinking it won't be.....Arrghh. Deep breaths now. . Part of me wishes for it all to happen now as then the worry about it would be gone. (and I would have that newborn to worry about instead .)

Cooperoo, I had a similar experience when I had my second baby, although not abroad. I had a pretty high-tech delivery first time round and we then moved to a remote part of Scotland with a very basic Mat Unit where the only pain relief was pethidine and gas&air. I was petrified of labour second time round, esp when I found there was no consultant cover and if a cs was necessary your GP did it! But my fears were unfounded, I had a four hr labour with one shot of pethidine, which I could probably have done without because ds2 was born only 20mins after I'd been given it! Best of luck, thinking of you.

Cooperoo - can you go over and speak to the midwives there? There must be a senior midwife in the unit you can talk to before the birth. She may well be able to allay a number of your fears.

Coop, I definitely think the uncertainty is making you more stressed, and you should get yourself over to Limassol General for a tour round the unit and chat with a midwife. Surely they know you are due to deliver there? (If they don't - good grief, tell them!) And hopefully will be sympathetic to the fact that, like all of us, you want to see where you'll be delivering and have a chance to talk to the midwives beforehand.

I know you've been waiting and hoping for the forces hospital to come good but it doesn't seem that it's going to, so I'd suggest taking matters into your own hands - if you can still muster the energy that is!

Hope it's all over soon, I know this has been a major source of stress for you during the pregnancy.

Cooperoo it is different thats for sure - just a different cultural attitude to birth I suppose. As you seem very worked up about it, and I do understand believe me, I would think that the first thing you should do is speak again with the english midwives that you are under and see if maybe they can put your fears to rest.

I presume that dh will be allowed in with you? (not very common in Greece) Is there any possiblity that one of your midwives could be with you too (perhaps you would have to pay her privately?) BUT not as your midwife per se (I would imagine that the cypriot staff would not accept that.) But instead tell a small white lie that while she is a midwife she is also you cousin. (I know its ridiculous but its the sort of thing that happens over here. ) I had to pretend that I couldn't speak greek with dd just so that the hospital would let dh in (14 years ago greek dads had to wait out in the corridor.)

Failing that if you are really feeling bad be the hysterical foreigner and see if you can get an English member of staff in with you. Am I right in thinking that its the cypriot medical staff who won't let the British midwives attand your birth? (or are the Br. midwives refusing?)

I am no expert but it sounds to me as if your first birth was a very positive experiance. Don't let all these stories of the cypriot hospitals put you of, the tenser you are the worse it is etc etc.It is not bad just very different to UK ways and attitudes.Do CAT me if you want.

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Cooperoo - I understand how you must be feeling as the only option for pain relief for me is an epidural - which I don't want. It is a stress but the good aspect is that you will need to work with your body to get through. Try to keep as upright as possible, walk around - do they have a bath you could use (I was in an ordinary bath but it was fine). To help avoid an episiotomy see if you could deliver on all fours, squatting or as upright as possible. Try to avoid being on your back. Make a birth plan and take it with you to discuss with your doc & the midwives at the hospital. Tell them all your worries and they might be able to put your mind at rest. Tell them what procedures you don't want and get your doc on your side. For the monitoring ask if you can just have the minimum if everything is going fine.
A visit to the hospital would be good - so that you are familiar with the environment.
Can one of the midwives at your first hospital be your doula - to help you through and to support your choices? If not ask the hospital if they have anyone apart from the midwives who supports mums through labour.
You are strong and you will get through it. You had a good experience last time and this will help you through this time. I know it's easy to say (and you can remind me in september when my little one is due!) but you will be ok. Don't let this worry spoil you last weeks of pregnancy - talk about it to the medical staff. Best wishes xxx

Trib - I have visited the hospital....this is actually what has caused the fresh anxiety .
Grrmum - The UK midwives are not allowed to come in with us even as a birth partner. It places them in an impossible position professionally which I can completely understand. DH will def be there though.
Mears - that website was a great help thank you.
My friend and I have arranged for the head of the maternity ward and the midwifery supervisor to visit us on Monday. I am going to get organised with a list of our grievances and questions and what we feel they could do to help. I am glad they are taking it seriously as sometimes I feel I am just being a pain, but I do know I am not the only one feeling this way. At least now I feel I am doing something pro-active and taking a bit of control back. I don't think it will make a difference in time for my experience but perhaps may help some future mums to be and at least I will feel I am being listened to rather than being patted on the arm and told I will be OK. As you can probably tell there are a number of factors with how the whole thing is being dealt with that have not been quite satisfactory. The important thing though is to focus on getting through my birth as it will be here soon and so that was the focus of my original post. I do feel really supported by you all so thank you. I have gained some confidence from all your posts too and will be re-reading them a lot.
Happymumof2 - So glad the Tens was so effective for you. That is what I will focus on. I have some aromatherapy bits too and will be practicing my breathing.
Someone else said earlier it is my birth and I can control it. Can you tell I am feeling stronger about things? I hope it lasts. Thank you.

Thanks for your support too Milward. x posted. Where are you and why is an epidural your only option? Enjoy your pregnancy. Sep will be here very soon.

www.childbirthinternational.com/Meet/ukeurope.htm
just came across this -seems they have doulas in training in cyprus. Could find the info but you could try the contact us option at the top right of the page.

Thanks Milward. No doulas registered in Cyprus on that site unfortunately but appreciate your efforts. I am going to trawl the yellow pages now. Feel better to be doing something and glad you have all kickstarted me.

x posted again!! - thanks for your support cooperoo. Where I am the epidural is the only thing offered in the big hospitals & I've had three children with this being the only option plus had to get out of all the invasive procedures. I was amazed to see my birth plan in my notes for my first baby!! plus in my doc's pocket. My talk must have really had a strong effect!!! When I saw the hospital for my first I felt panic but once I'd talked through this felt better. Completely understand feeling safer at home - even though these's no pain relief!! Good luck.

Cooperoo - sorry no time to read any reply (I am away and reading on slow line) but many 2nd time mothers have no time for drugs at all... so even if the whole thing was avaliable you are unlikely to use it.
Will your DH be with you ? if so I am sure he can make sure enema, episio and others are not performed.
As for the pain... 3 tips (which I promise work!)
Get DH to tell you

1. get on top or behind the pain (visualise this)
2. relax your shoulders (As if you tense up your shoulders you keep the pain)
3. BLOW IT OUT (m,eaning blow the pain out- that works really well) If you get that breathing sorted you will be very impresssed as to how efficient it can be ! He may need this advice on a piece of paper to remind himself ! Good luck :-)

i had diamorphine with ds1 abd nothung with ds2 (not even gas and air) due to a 35 minute labour .
it really wasnt that bad

but breathing and focussing really helped me

good luck - you may be surprised how quickly the second one arrives

i had second child with no pain relief and found that my memories and emotions about that labour are so much stronger than with those of first child [where ,frankly ,i was in a pethidine haze ].The breathing just takes over naturally .Good luck to you

Thanks again everyone. I am in a much more positive frame of mind this morning thanks in no small part to these posts. I am going to print them off to re-read. I am doing my birth plan today too which is something I haven't done yet as I have felt so out of control and feeling it won't make any difference what I want anyway. I think this is a positive step to help me prepare mentally. This is not to say that I won't be having my wobbly moments over the next week or so but I hope I will be able to control them better. DH has been trying to remind me that I coped well last time and won't even notice the delivery room by the time I am in there...and he has been reassuring me that he knows what I want and don't want and will be my voice.
Thanks again everyone. I can't tell you what a difference you have all made. Just the thought that you have taken the time to help me is really touching and the honest and positive experiences you have been able to share really have helped as well as the good practical advice. Things aren't going to be perfect but I am beginning to realise that there is alot I can still do to help myself and make this work. (I am psyching myself up now.) I just hope my labour starts when I am in this frame of mind and not in a wobbly moment. Practicing my labour breathing exercises actually helps me calm down too so I can begin to see that this will help me in the labour too.

I had pethidine for both my deliveries coperoo and found it to be very useful as a relaxant. With dd2 I walked around practically the whole labour and gave birth standing up, it sort of became too late to get on the bed! I felt very much in control of the whole thing as my first delivery had been very "managed" with the whole shaving, enema thing. You can do it!

Cooperoo- there are a few wives here who had there babies in Larnaca- same policy as Limasol if you want I can try and get some more info from them I nkow they were all angry and dreading it but the general concensus is that everything turns out OK.

Reading your posts makes me angrier and angrier, all the time we really shouldn't have to put up with this, and as I have said to you before I have now talked myself out of having another baby (atleast until we leave here, esp as I have already had 1 cs and a vbac.)

I know hotmummy, it is not right. I think the bosses say they have only had one official letter of complaint following a birth at Limassol but that doesn't actually surprise me at all as when exactly do you get the time with a newborn, plus you feel you should just be grateful to have your baby plus people don't want to re-live things that are that personal if it causes upset, and it is all in the past by then and people don't think they will achieve anything. I will let you know how the meeting goes on Monday with the midwives from this end of the island. I know it will not be in time to help me but it might make a difference somewhere along the line. I think the situation your end was felt to be worse with Larnaca being even more old fashioned than Limassol. I am not sure now though. They keep saying how things have changed and improved but I don't know what is accurate anymore. I have spoken to people who share your views about waiting till they are back in the UK before having another baby. It is a shame as the facilities at TPMH and the ante natal care seem to far exceed anything you might get in the UK. The new clinic they are talking about will not really help you either will it as you are still 1 and a half hours away! Frustrating!

Cooperoo-I think that most of the serving personnel are frightend of putting in a complaint as it can make them look bad on service reports. So that is prob why they haven't had many complaints.

It is so so sad

Cooperoo

Sorry I have nothing constructive to add. Just wanted to wish you luck. I'm also 38 weeks, it's the pits, but will soon be over. Hope it goes really well for you, I'm sure you'll be back to let us all know that you had a BRILLIANT experience and "what was all the worry about?"

cooperoo - I feel for you and understand your worries and the tears etc. I was terrified with dd2, (dd1 - lots of intervention, epidural, horrendous second stage etc etc) but I made it with no pain relief - even forgot to turn my tens machine up. I know every labour is different and there;s no guarantee that a second will be easier but it is very often the case - often because you know your body better, know what to expect, know - as you say in your thread - that they;re going to make their way out come what may, Make sure dh is fully primed so taht you don;t have to worry about instructions on shaving etc. Try to feel in control. You've done it once - you can do it again - that's the most important thing to remember all the way through. good luck

Hello all,
I just wanted to update you after receiving so much support and advice from you all.
I have found out today that the UK midwives have been granted special permission to work in the Republic of Cyprus. This means that as of today they have been able to take over a floor in a private clinic for us to go to. I knew this was in the pipeline but never believed it would be ready in time for me. I am currently 40wk + 3 and very lucky as it looks that I will be able to deliver at this clinic with a UK midwife and gas and air! Having read all your wonderful posts I know everything would have been OK but the relief I feel now is huge, and even more so for my DH I think as he has been very unsettled by the whole thing too. I have told the bump that we are now ready for him/her to make an appearance . You wait, I will have to be induced now .
Thanks again everybody.

Excellent news.... good luck....just get things moving asap! SEX,PINAPPLE and RASPBERRY LEAF TEA!

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