I feel out of control all over again - VBAC / CS worries

[olivo]

I had a traumatic time with DD's birth, ending in em cs and DD in scbu for a week. This time round i was adamant that i'd like an el cs so there was no feeling of loss of control - bizarrely, a 'clinical' approach makes me feel that. i've since had a crap pg with GD and polyhydramnios. there was talk of an early arrival so i was given steroids. i made it to 36+6 and last wk at a routine check up, they thought i may be in early labour - as officially it would have been preterm, they kept me in. all the talk was about my trying a vbcac as i reached fully dilated last time, and it really frightened me. One mw encouraged me to think about having an epidural, but i know these can lead to more intervention and i am terrified of a forceps or ventouse delivery.
as it turned out, the contractions lessened and i was discharged.

I have an appt with the consultant on thursday and just dont know what to do or say. i know i will get upset and get flustered.
i suppose my main concern is that we will not be so lucky this time with the outcome.

sorry, not sure what i expect you to say but feel better expresing my thoughts!

I would ask for an el. cs and explain, as you have here, how scared you are of the alternatives.

Oh, you've had a hard time there, haven't you? I can't tell you what to do - you know what will make you feel best. I had a forceps delivery for my first VBAC (I had an epidural) - it was not a bad experience, and I certainly found the recovery easier than from my em c-s the first time. However, I haven't had an el c-s so I don't know about recovery times for that.

Can you take someone with you on Thursday to fight your corner? Your DP, ot maybe your mum/sister if your DP's not available? Also, I found talking to the consultant midwife at my hospital was fabulous - she really helped me decide what I wanted and she supported me in my choices.

Hope things get clearer for you soon.

Before the appt have clear in your mind what you want to do and your reasons why. That way you can have a two way conversation with the Cons about it.

Also don't go alone as it quite easy to feel bullied, especially when you feel you are being opposed.

thanks for your replies. unfortunately my family dont live here (we're not in UK); did wonder about taking DH but sometimes i am less open with him there.
i was expecting to be given a 'plan of action' a couple of weeks ago but eacht iem, they seem to scan me and review and say come back in a week to review. Can i ask for amore definitive plan of action? there is something in my notes about checking for suitability at 38 weeks (when i was checked at 36+6, my cervix was soft but 1.5 cm long and baby was not well down)and it is noted that i want an el cs but everyone seems to have ignored that!

if i get the midwife las tweek, i may be able to talk to her openly, she was lovely. i have seen so many mws, drs and scan people and each seems to say different things.

I have exactly the same worries olivo.

DS was born at 40+6 by emc. I'd been induced due to pre-eclampsia but never went into proper labour so while being in a LOT of pain, I only got to 3cms after 28 hours. DS's heartrate had been over 180 for 36 hours at this point so it was decided that I should have a section. It was the only time during my labour that things went right. DS had a low APGAR score at birth but had improved by 5 minutes so narrowly avoided NICU.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant now and have an appointment with the consultant on Monday. I want to ask for another section because the thought of attempting a VBAC with the pathetic amount of help at I had in my last labour scares me to tears. Last time I was ignored and sidelined for so long that things could have gone horribly wrong and I am very scared that we may not be so lucky with the outcome next time.

Not sure what to advise you about seeing the consultant as I have yet to go through it myself but I intend to be as honest as I can be - even if it means bursting into tears. If it realy upsets me that much and I put on a brave face then no-one can know how scared I am and therefore can't help me.

I'll let you know how my meeting goes if you like?

They probably don't realise that you are feeling the way you do.

You may have to be assertive and explain that not having a plan is making you feel insecure and worried and you would like to have things sorted by the end of this appointment.

Why are you less open with your dh there? Is it something you can talk about with him before you go for the appt? Then take him along with you to the appt?

I am quite a strong and forthright person when I want to be, but when put in a situation with various health care professionals I was like a jelly, thank god dh was there to back me up and speak for me when I was having a wobble.

GS, i would be interested to hear how your appt goes, thanks. maybe you can give me some tips?
ILTMIMI, not sure why i am less open with DH there, tbh! I think he would be happier with a CS for me, he bore the brunt of the stress of dd's arrival and the time after when we didnt know if she would be ok. i was out of it to be fair. i have talked to him about it now; we were both a bit thrown by me being admitted last week so we ahdnt talked about it then. he will support me but he's not very assertive! i am usually Miss Assertive but i just crack at the hospital - a bit of white coat syndrome!
you are right that i do need to speak up about my insecurities though.

It sounds like you are both worried and a bit scared. Maybe your dh doesn't want to admit feeling like that because he feels he needs to be the strong one, and you don't want to talk to him about it because you know he worries about it.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Talk about it together, cry about it together, then make a plan for this birth together

thanks, i think you're right. i suppose that we got a big shock last time; i had a normal pg and went into the birth not thinking for a minute that it wouldnt be text book. this time, there have been so many worries with the pg, i am just assuming that it'll all go wrong. i need to do some positive thinking as well as talking!

thanks Lenin, i think that has to be the aim of this week's appt - to have a date in hand.

I felt 'forced' into my VBAC attempt after a crash CS under GA, hideous, for 1st baby. I was adamant, I did cry/virtually beg.

In the end I had a CS at 3am for failure to progress and the bitch consultant had the cheek to suggest I hadn't tried hard enough. I still wish I had told her to fuck off as I could have blamed it on the drugs

sorry to hear that, moaning.
that is the other thing; i am convinced that even if i do go for vbac, that it'll end in an em cs anyway, and then it'll be all out of control anyway.

Hi Olivo - I here your frustration and fear. My situation is similar in some ways and different in others to you. I also had an emergency section and my dd appeared fine at birth but turned out to be disabled. I'm now 34 weeks and dreading the thought of another c-section but in my case they are trying to push me down the elective route- funny how they don't seem to listen to us huh? . I have had forceps with the first pregnancy and then the emergency c-section and I have to say the recovery was so much quicker and easier after the forceps. But it has to be your choice and if you want to have an elective then you have every right to it. The lack of control bit is so hard, that's the bit that scares me about a vbac as like you I worry it would end in an emergency section anyway. It's a hard call. I hope you get what you want and things are easier for you this time. Thinking of you.

hanging, it is so frustrating,isnt it? hope we both get the births that are right for us . good luck, i'll be watching out for you.

Meeting is at 2 today - wish me luck!

GS, probably too late but good luck! will be interested to hear what you say!

I got my c-section date a couple of weeks ago - at about 34 weeks - it feels so much better to have it organised. Lenin is right, if this is what you want you need to insist on it. Checking for suitability at 38 weeks sounds terrible, it is too late to let you get it settled in your mind. My c-section is booked for 38 + 5. I am so looking forward to it, you shouldn't feel like you do.
Be strong on Thursday.

Well, my appointment went quite well. I had to go in and see a midwife first who took my blood pressure and checked my urine and had a little chat with me. I talked about how I was feeling and my last labour and she said it sounded to her like I showed all the classic signs of carrying a baby that was just too big for me to deliver - I'm only 5'1" (152cms) and quite petite and DS was 52cms and 7lb 9oz. She said that in her experience that I would likely have problems with this baby too and she would suggest I had a section. She warned me before the consultant meeting that the hospital had to be seen to be trying to reduce thier section rates and so would make a token effort of talking me into a VBAC but if I really wanted a section, I would get one. She said not to get upset if they at first seemed to be talking me into a VBAC, it was just what they had to do.
I then saw the consultant. She did say at first that 20 weeks was too soon to talk about delivery but as we talked through my previous notes, I got quite upset and did cry at one point. I had a horrible time with him and feel quite lucky that he came out OK in the end. At the end of my appointment the consultant said that she would make me another appointment for 32 weeks "to book a section date" So assuming I don't change my mind, it looks like I will get my section after all.

So my advice is - stick to your guns. They will try to talk you into a VBAC because it is generally thought that the elective section rates are too high but if you sure it's what you want then keep asking and they will let you have it in the end.

Glad it went well - this all sounds very similar to my experience. Don't be surprised if you have to go through it all again at the next appointment - each time I had an appointment I saw a different consultant and each one tried to talk me into trying for a VBAC. I just kept repeating my concerns, and luckily found a supportive nurse on the day, and it all worked out fine for me in the end.

They've already warned me that they will probably end up passing my case to a second consultant before I get a full green light for the section and as every letter advises me that I will see "Miss Pandit or a member of her team", I'd assumed I would probably see multiple consultants.

I think the tack I am going to go with is the one that seemed to work with today's consultant - I felt completely ignored uncared for during my last labour and still feel that the happy result we came away with was more luck than skill. I will need more care if I am to have a sucessfull VBAC and I do not trust them to be able to give me that care.

After all - MK General has the worst maternity services in the country!

Thanks for reporting back, GS. I am steeling myself for thursday - like pinkyred, at my earlier appts, it seemed more likely and they kept saying we'd talk about it later!
I will be firm, i will be firm.......

How did your appointment go olivo??