how did you prepare yourself mentally for the --agony-- --pain-- er, I mean intensity of childbirth...?

[makipuppy]

I'm hoping to deliver our baby without an epidural.

How did you prepare yourself for the pain, or what did you do with your mind to help you through it?

Dp will be outside the delivery room. I respect his decision and have never tried to sway him on it, but it's quite daunting to think I have to face it essentially on my own (SIL will probably be there, but we're not incredibly close - I just think she's very nice and down to earth and has done it twice herself).

I've got two weeks to go

I told myself that whatever happened, the chances were that it would be over in less than a day... and that I could bear almost anything for that period of time. I had done the whole natural birth workshop thing and it scared the hell out of me (DS apparently in a not ideal position and I was apparently in for hours of hell according to 'birth guru') so I just chose to ignore the 'advice'... when DS started to arrive 2 weeks early I swore so much my religious midwife had to be replaced... But I'm sure the swearing helped as a few hours later I was eating toast as DS was being bathed and dressed. Be as calm as you can be, and the chances are that you'll work out what will help you when it happens

I'll second what people have said on here about deep breathing techniques. I read the HypnoBirthing book and was all prepared to experience a pain-free labour until my own very intense labour kicked off and all but the breathing went out the window! If nothing else, focusing on breathing in and out as slowly and completely as possible gave me something else to focus on. I would also suggest you use a birth pool, if possible - this was an absolute lifesaver for me.

If you can, try not to focus on getting through the whole labour - just focus on getting through your current contraction, and relax as much as possible in between. Ask your midwives to remind you of this - you'll need it when you start having the "I can't go on!" moments, particularly at the end of the first stage!

I also found it useful that my midwife encouraged me to delay introducing other forms of pain relief for as long as possible. This meant that I got through the entire first stage and transition without using anything but the birth pool and breathing techniques, and that I had entonox (and everything else) in reserve for the final stages.

And don't knock yourself if the whole plan changes during the birth. I was planning an intervention-free home birth with minimal pain relief and ended up with an emergency assisted delivery with a spinal block in hospital when we discovered DD was breech. However, because we were consulted on every decision and this was the best option for DD and I, I still feel really positive about the birth experience.

Best of luck!

Stand and Deliver by Emma Mahony was my favourite book about birth - it's hilarious in places, with good advice about preparing for birth and what to expect. But my best part was all the birth stories - from natural home birth, water birth, epidural to cesarean section. All of them positive, all inspiring you to make the most of whatever birth you have.

My little boy turns 1 in September, and it's honestly been a while since I've thought about the birth ... but i'm just in tears now, reading all your posts and remembering it!

I read a lot and listened to the Hypnobirthing CDs, and had this idea it would be a breeze ...

Ha ha. It was SO much more painful than I imagined.

Everything I did to prepare definitely helped, but I don't think I would have made it through without my midwives Jen and Monique. Sometimes you need someone else (like your husband or midwife) to believe in you when you're ready to quit.

I ended up having Alfie at home in a birth pool - just what I was hoping for, but would have ended up in hospital with an epidural if I hadn't had that support. (Well, I probably would have ended up having Alfie in the car by that stage!)

Sorry for going on and on ... !

Hi again,

Forgot to say - I got through most of the pain with a Tens machine and gas and air. Tens is great - it made a huge difference and I really noticed the lack of it when I got out of the pool and hand a contraction (I started out with tens, then got in pool, but labour slowed so I had to get out again).

I couldn't put it back on fast enough!

Will you be giving birth in hospital?

I had a home birth (first baby) and it really helped me relax - I think that makes a big difference when it comes to pain management.

It's not too late to change your mind - find out from your local hospital what community midwives you have access to. With a home birth you also get MUCH more individual attention, and you're likely to know the midwives you will have at the birth. It makes all the difference.

Another option is to hire a doula for the birth - you can find someone you click with who will rub your back and be an angel looking after you ... I had one and highly recommend them! If you're in London, try Joan www.joan-the-doula.co.uk or visit www.doula.org.uk/

Good luck and enjoy (even through gritted teeth) - it's the most amazing day of your life!

Hi again,

Forgot to say - I got through most of the pain with a Tens machine and gas and air. Tens is great - it made a huge difference and I really noticed the lack of it when I got out of the pool and hand a contraction (I started out with tens, then got in pool, but labour slowed so I had to get out again).

I couldn't put it back on fast enough!

Will you be giving birth in hospital?

I had a home birth (first baby) and it really helped me relax - I think that makes a big difference when it comes to pain management.

It's not too late to change your mind - find out from your local hospital what community midwives you have access to. With a home birth you also get MUCH more individual attention, and you're likely to know the midwives you will have at the birth. It makes all the difference.

Another option is to hire a doula for the birth - you can find someone you click with who will rub your back and be an angel looking after you ... I had one and highly recommend them! If you're in London, try Joan www.joan-the-doula.co.uk or visit www.doula.org.uk/

Good luck and enjoy (even through gritted teeth) - it's the most amazing day of your life!

Thanks so much for your incredibly inspiring stories - I've loved reading every single one and this thread is having an amazing impact on my resolve. Like all of you, I believe this will be a very special day (here's to keeping it within 24 hours) and I'm determined to do it my way.

I would really like a doula - I loved my NCT class teacher and I know she's also a doula. I'd like to email and ask her but I'm not sure how much she'd charge and don't want to have to say no after asking her iyswim.. I would go to 500 quid but she's experienced so may charge more than that? It would just be for the day.

I think that with the right encouragement I will definitely find my zone, but DP will be distraught if I'm in pain - he really wants me to have an elective section despite the consultant reassuring him its not a 'safer option'.

I absolutely know my body can do this!

to prepare myself 4 the pain i went for a Brazilian wax twice b4 my due date lol funny but true. my labor was quit quick for a 1st timer, contractions started at 7.30am n he was born by 3.32pm, could be cos the day b4 i had drank pineapple juice, raspberry leaf tea, n half a small battle of castor oil (not all at once).I found leaning 4ward on an excercise ball helped while i was having contractions at home n breathing in then breathing out for a longer time relaxed me hence making the pain less

Hey..

I really don't mind what happens in my labour as long as my baby shows up.. I have no positive expectations, and try not to think about anything negative - I just think it will be the shortest part of my pregnancy, come what may

BUT

I would love to find a hypnotherapy CD that was about relaxing 'come what may' e.g. not one with a strong agenda re: intervention etc; one that's just about relaxing and letting go of the fear/managing the pain without trying to convince me that labour should be pain-free or joyous? I'd like it to be, but I don't want to be disappointed if it's really painful.. I just want strength and deternination to will myself through it! Anyone think there's anything out there that would be suitable??

Denial, gas, air and pethidine! Lol :D

But seriously, I am not a believer in birth plans because you will not know what your body needs in order to help you through this mammoth task until the time comes.

I think the doula idea is a great one if hubbie isn't going to be there, especially if she is someone you trust. Personally I needed someone there to tell me to "get a grip" when I was lagging!

Good luck hun!
x

Hi. I'm 36 wit my 2nd, v sacred as induced, no time for pain relief, bad tearing 1st time. Am i more likely to tear this time? How can i avoid being induced-want labour to start natural:-) help! Any tips welcome. Have been frantically massaging perineum!

MrsBean - I can't guarantee what's on the natal hypnotherapy cds as I always fell asleep , but the set includes a preg relaxation cd and, although I had the home birth set, I don't recall much reference to place of birth, just things about dealing with contractions etc - def helped me.

I did do loads of preparation for birth. I completely agree that it helps not to have fixed ideas, but I am glad I went to yoga and read as much as I did. I second Kiki's suggestion re "stand and deliver" as I went through a negative v scared patch at about 37 weeks, and I felt so positive about any kind of birth after reading it. I truly believed that it was possible and probable that I would be ok and join the millions of other women who had lived through the experience.

In my labour, I found knowing that at their worst the contractions would only last a moment or two and thinking "this will pass" over and over helped, as did the most amazing gaps between contractions where I was absolutely painfree, if even only for a minute.

I had a very long labour with days of irregular contractions before it got established but managed to get to 7cm with tens, breathing and walking around, and then embraced the warm water and G&A for the last bit. I found all of them massively helpful in different ways. I was very, very lucky and delivered at home with a brill mw who made me feel totally safe, and my DH & Mum there too. (Though I was a total grump and forbade speaking and touching, whilst demanding they were present at all times!!)

Most of all try to hold on to the thought that whatever happens, this baby will come by hook or by crook, and you can be amazingly proud of growing them and getting them here! Good luck.

i've read great things about doulas. i think there was a feature on them in Red or marie claire a while back. Worth finding out cost at least - they've done it a million times before and can articulate and mediate for you when you're needing a bit of support and it feels like it's you against the docs. I have found all the postings really inspiring and wondering when my next little contraction's going to be. First time came so quickly that I had the tens, the massage oil, the birthpool etc but in the end just kind of did as I was told and just let my body do the work. Was like very, very powerful surges almost like a very persistant, very ouchy period pain. Like some of the others i found it bearable because it peaks and then you get a rest until the next one. You may not need that epidural yet - but best to know your options eh. Good luck XXXXX

I had hypnobirthing classes which were great.

Leading up to my due date I spent some time each day just relaxing - concentrating on my breathing and visualising myself holding my baby - this usually ended with me falling asleep!

I spent a lot of time reading positive birth stories and watching hypnobirths on YouTube, telling myself that it wouldn't hurt.

During labour I concentrated on my breathing, when a contraction came I tried to inhale deeply, blowing my stomach up like a beach ball (it was already pretty huge!) The theory behind long deep breathes is that the oxygen gets to your uterus and baby and helps them both function more effectively. I swear the breathing helped more than anything else.

I found it also helped to understand what was actually happening. I learned that the vertical muscles of the uterus rise up and pull back the horizontal muscles so that the uterus opens and you dilate. I think I was meant to visual a flower opening but I thought this was a bit naff! Instead I pictured ribbons gradually falling away...yes, I know, that sounds a bit naff too!

My placenta must have felt my fears, so it sat over my cervix and made sure I needed a section!

First birth, lots of exercise, breathing, birthing ball, tens machine, soothing music prepared. 18 hour labour, ventouse, op to remove placenta.

Second birth. Nothing. Not a jot. 4 hour labour, smooth, quick no intervention to get him out, quick recovery.

Another vote for hypnobirthing here - I really think it helped (although I had to take some of the cheesy hippyishness with a large pinch of salt).

I found the hypnobirthing course changed the way I viewed labour and gave me some really useful tools for handling the contractions (mainly breathing).

Also agree with girlynut that understanding what is happening is really helpful. You then realise that relaxing (as much as possible) is really important so that the muscles can get on and do what they're doing, and that staying upright/mobile will help to speed things along.

Good luck - you'll be fine. A lot is down to luck on the day I think, but for me it was a lot less painful than I had imagined - the waiting for labour to start was the worst bit IME.

oh and the second time, i mostly thought about the tea and toast i would be eating without throwing up. I kept thinking 'cant wait for the toast'

Ah, I've just realised you said in your original post you only have 2 weeks to go.

Maybe rather than a hypno course try and get hold of the book/CD? The book my course was based on was this one and pretty much covers everything. I think it comes with a CD as well which used to send DH and I to sleep - don't think we ever managed to hear the end of it.

I used a tens machine which was great during my labour and really helped me to focus and deal with the pain. i hired it from a company called www.babytens.net really reasonable price and well worth it.

I'd suggest that, rather than preparing yourself for the pain, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not be as painful as either you fear or as some women find it.

Less than three hours before DS was born, I was arguing with the midwife on the phone 'no, I really don't think you need to come out now... yes I know I said the contractions are three or four minutes apart, but they really barely hurt".

Luckily I had my mum tell me how it's like passing a double decker bus and a pain like you have never experienced in your life.

Repeatedly, on a loop, to a disco beat.

So when it turned out to be not quite as bad it was a bonus

Sorry I have no techniques or tricks to share. Just suck hard on that G+A. It is your friend.

It sounds a bit trite, but I just fixed in my mind that it was "only pain". And pain wouldn't kill me. I wasn't dying. Nothing was going wrong. It was just pain. And it was pain with a purpose and pain that would have an end. Worked for me.

From my experience, it is best to read about different forms of pain relief etc, but then to remain flexible and open- minded. No-one can explain what labour will feel like or how you will cope, and to panic about it in advance won't help.

For all the horror stories out there, there are lots of people (me included) who thought that it wasn't as bad as everyone had told me that it would be. Focus on the end result - your soon to arrive beautiful baby. And remember, above all, that most women go on to have another baby, so it can't be that bad or everyone would just have a single child.

Good luck.

Not sure if anyone else has recommended Birth Skills by Juju Sandin? A friend suggested it a week before my dd was born- I ended up reading it in early labour! I also did hypnobirthing which helped for the first stage but not for the long and difficult second stage. The birth skills book was great in making me feel I had a range of techniques ready for dealing with the pain- in the end just used tens and water and for last 90 mins had no pain relief at all as had to get out pool and didn't occur to me to put tens back on! all the active techniques from the book definitely helped.

I prepared by reading everything I could, went to classes and thought about all the possibilities, made a birth plan, felt confident in my choices and confident that my body would do the work. I had a home water birth and needed no other pain relief than the warm water which was bliss - my whole labour was over in 2 and a half hours though. I'm an althletic person, and to me it was similar to pushing ones limits physically and so it felt pretty good even though I was sweating a bit! Thinking of the contraction as a wave ebbing and flowing, a wave that got bigger and bigger till it broke then subsided giving me time to relax before the next wave began really helped. With each contraction I could tell the exact point/moment at which the wave would break, and I knew I would then get enough of a break to relax and drink some water and that was enough for me to get through it fairly easily. I actually didn't find it THAT painful. Only the crowning of her head stung a bit - but it was actually not as bad as sitting on the wrong bike saddle (I've had terrible problems with bike saddles in the past and it took me 5 years to find one that didn't injure me). I found my labour kind of exciting and good. it's hard to explain but I was on a massive high the whole time, and felt extremely positive and relaxed - it was like when you're running really really fast and your hr is going beserk and you're sweating - it feels good! But I'm bit like that anyway. Depends on your perceptions at the time I guess. I found the whole thing a wonderful experience, but then again, it didn't last very long and I was in my own home, with just my partner and the two midwives - one of whom I knew well, and that probably helped a lot.