how did you prepare yourself mentally for the --agony-- --pain-- er, I mean intensity of childbirth...?

[makipuppy]

I'm hoping to deliver our baby without an epidural.

How did you prepare yourself for the pain, or what did you do with your mind to help you through it?

Dp will be outside the delivery room. I respect his decision and have never tried to sway him on it, but it's quite daunting to think I have to face it essentially on my own (SIL will probably be there, but we're not incredibly close - I just think she's very nice and down to earth and has done it twice herself).

I've got two weeks to go

[oneopinionatedmother]

@weegie.
if you achieved something you wanted - well done for.it you have a right to be pleased.

[weegiemum]

thanks, opinionatedmother!

I have been jumped on before for being smug! But it was exactly what I wanted!

[makipuppy]

weegiemum, it's what I want too. Not for the medal, of course.

Such brilliant answers and support. My NCT group were a bit aghast that DP wasn't going to be the 'guardian of my space' but he's not really the space guardian type. He nearly freaked when he had to observe a transvaginal scan at 7 weeks, the nurse had to shove him towards my head as he was stood by my ankles clutching a book called 'Functions, Logic and Sets'. I think if he was in there I would be worried about him not wanting to be. I'm better off in my zone...

[piscesmoon]

I don't think you can prepare so I didn't bother. I am always amazed by those who produce birth plans-how can they possibly know what they want in advance? I was open minded and went with the flow-it wasn't as bad as I imagined-I immediately wanted to do it again!!

[kathyis6incheshigh]

"he was stood by my ankles clutching a book called 'Functions, Logic and Sets'. "

LOLOL!

[hattyyellow]

I think it's hard to tell how you will cope with the pain. I managed labour without an epidural for DD3 (just gas and air) but my motivation was very very strong - it hinged on the fact that for the delivery of my twins I'd had to have a planned section under general anaesthetic. I found the recovery very difficult and with two toddlers at home already I was absolutely desperate not to have another section.

I was told that an epidural might increase my chances of intervention/c-section especially as I'd had a section already so they would be watching me carefully.

I think that's what got me through the pain.

But to be honest it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I concentrated hard on hte contractions and the thought that each one would bring the end of labour closer. And the only bit of NCT type acronyms etc that I remembered was the UFO (upright, forward facing, open) which was how I automatically felt I wanted to be as soon as the contractions started -your body just takes over and mine wanted to be standing up!

I thought I would be swearing like a fishwife but I felt pretty much in control the whole way through - maybe because I so desperately wanted to deliver the baby vaginally rather than have another section.

I think it helps to go into it with an open mind -I also didn't have a birth plan as I had absolutely no idea what I would want/need until I was actually living it.

Good luck!

[pointydog]

I didn't prepare.

I did some rather desperate perineum massaging with baby oil for a while. If that counts.

[Nighbynight]

I recommend ignorance too! Worked for me anyway.

I think you can't know until it starts, how much you can cope with.
I was so excited the first time round, that I was convinced I was enjoying myself the whole time.
One trick is to say to yourself with each contraction "this contraction is bringing me nearer to my baby. When this contraction's gone I'll never have to cope with it again."

and if you do have to have an epidural, dont worry too much, in ten years time it probably wont matter at all.

[Hassled]

I think just try to get your head around the fact that it will hurt like nothing you've ever experienced before, but that it won't last forever and it's worth it for the baby.

I was scared shitless in labour with DC1 - I just hadn't thought about it enough, had never broken anything or been seriously ill, so had no real concept of pain. I thought something was badly wrong - realised afterwards it was normal .

[stubbyfingers]

Hassled, I agree about having no real concept of pain and being scared. I had absolutely no self awareness of my ability to deal with pain. I think my DP knew but I was convinced I could cope.

Maybe ignorance is best and just accept it for what it is - a very individual experience, but entirely worth it.

[oneopinionatedmother]

For me first time round, I'd had one miscarriage and one abortion and those were fairly painful, but I knew not so painful that I couldn't take it.

The feeling once the baby is out is so good, a total relief and joy! (or so i found)

I think fear can be a problem more than the pain, so try talking to your midwife explaining what you feel so they can explain what it means (i found this comfrting)

breathing long breaths out on each contraction and staying up and mobile between contractions certainly seeme to help also.

@weegie - i think people are very unfair to term you smug when you are pleased when your birth has gone well, and the way you wanted. If someone had all the intervention in the world, but it went well, and they were pleased i wouldn't call them smug, just rightly pleased that what can so often be a traumatic experience went alright for them.

i think it is fuelled by 'birth envy'.

[nickytwotimes]

I had a straightforward birth.
It was agony. Nothing can prepare you fo rit fully, but I hung on to the fact that my body is designed for this thing to happen. I was lucky to have a m/w who I was totally confident in too.

Two useful things I found - concentrate on your out-breath and do not clench your fists. These things really helped! Oh, and the gas and air is FAB!

Oh, and remember, most women do it and most do it more than once, so it is achievable!

[violethill]

I agree with those who say that in many ways it's best to not try to prepare yourself too much. IME, if you have a very 'fixed' idea of how you're going to give birth, and have a really prescriptive birth plan, then you may be setting yourself up for a fall. I always remember the woman at my antenatal classes who banged on about how she'd have a water birth at home, and actually ended up in hospital, with an epidural and every intervention going! The only thing I had in my head, like the OP, was that I didn't want an epidural, because of the increased risks of intervention. I practised breathing exercises, and relaxation, but was open to the idea of gas and air, massage, being in/out of water or whatever would feel best.

I would also second what hassled says, in that you have to accept that you will feel pain like you've never experienced before! Someone told me that before my first baby, and it was the single most useful piece of advice. I didn't want to be told that it was a breeze, or that it wasn't really that bad - it really helped me to know that at it's peak, labour would be excruciating.

However, cling on to the fact that giving birth without epidural is entirely possible (in fact around 66% of births in the UK are without epidural). You really can do this!!

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

Hmm prep.. I di antenatal yoga, learned to think clearly about where I could feel what in my body..
For some reason, it really helped me to be able to focus on the fact that I could think through my body..
My feet... are relaxed.... do not hurt
My ankles... are relaxed.... do not hurt

etc working my way up my body.

I get bad headaches and being able to focus that MOST of my body doesn't hurt and making sure that MOST of my body was relaxed and not tense. remembering to wriggle my Jaw so I didn't grind my teeth.. all gave me things to focus on.

Fear uses up the adrenalin your body could be using to help you give birth, try not to waste it on being scared.

Remembering not to hold my breath was helped by being told that if you are making noise you aren't holding your breath.. Bring on the Mooing!!!

Enjoy!

[Mybox]

Just be prepared for whatever happens - I thought bring it on - give me your worse for some contractions. But should say that labour was very quick & I didn't need any pain relief for three of my kids.

[TheOldestCat]

Doesn't do it for everyone but gas&air did it for me. The midwife said if you like feeling drunk you'll probably find it helpful. Worked brilliantly (although I had a disconcerting moment listening to Hendrix on the radio and feeling incredibly high between contractions).

Also prepare yourself to try things that really didn't appeal (for me, the birthing pool) that might turn out to be helpful for pain relief.

Good luck - and don't worry too much. There are pain relief choices - look into them before hand and you'll feel informed going into it all. But as violethill says, don't set your heart on it going a certain way, because there's a large amount you can't control.

[skybright]

I think having trust in those who are caring for you is a good way to prepare yourself.

With my first DD i was very lucky that my midwife was a friend.

My attitude was that i would try the things that sounded pretty good in my labour virgin state.They were birthing pool/gas and air/diamorphine/epidural and i would prefer not to deliver on my back.

What actually happened was i used the birthing pool,hated gas and air and had a shot of diamorphine a couple of hours before she was born,epidural never entered my head when i was in actual labour.

I also found counting to ten then back to zero helpful.

Good luck

[Leo35]

Hi,

before the big day I found it useful to think of it as one day in the rest of my life. A momentous day, but it would all be over within a (relatively speaking) short space of time.

At the time I had no concept of time with birth of DS1 after the pethidine (was away with the fairies) and he took over 24 hrs to come into the world, and wasn't clock watching once in delivery suite with DS2. In contrast he took 3/4 of an hour to come into the world once we arrived at the hosp!

It is good to have some idea of the stages of child birth and the options that you might be presented with even if you don't draw up a birth plan.

As the others have said it is an individual an experience as you and your child. Terrifying, exhilarating, exhausting and wonderful. You'll be knackered, but hopefully elated. I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and after several rounds of IVF I know that I was very close to missing it altogether.

I hope that all goes well for you and your LO - keep us posted. BTW Had a smile at your description of your DH and his maths book - he may surprise you yet!

[Penthesileia]

I booked a home birth, but didn't write a birth plan at all. I decided that, so long as the baby and I were ok, I wanted to play things by ear, so to speak. I was prepared to take advice, etc., from the midwives as and when they saw fit.

I was really lucky and it all went well. No pain relief, DD born at home. It was lovely.

Once I was in labour, and contractions had begun, I got through each one by "remembering" the pain of rowing. I used to row at college, and racing hurt. A lot. Legs, back, arms, hands, arse, lungs. Everything. All agony. And for what? To try to bump some dumb boat in front! Turned out it was a really useful mental image for me. As each contraction came and went, I thought: "ok, get through this one", just as I'd tried to take each stroke in rowing at a time - "Push for 10!", and all that! I was lucky, I guess, that I never found the contractions getting worse than the pain I'd felt when rowing. When I got to the pushing stage of labour, and it was really painful, well, by then it was too late to worry about anything and DD was born 20 mins later. The feeling of having the baby pop & slither out is amazing! Relief!

So, rambling now, but I guess what I'm saying is, if you have any experience of a painful sport or some other physically painful experience, you can draw on that and remind yourself that you got through it before, so maybe you can do it again!

Good luck!!!!

[mrsbaldwin]

I agree with HattyYellow - it wasn't that bad TBH. People have individual pain thresholds I guess.

I also agree with Penthesileia about remembering how you overcame previous pain.

The thing is that the pain stops between contractions so you get a break, even if only a little one. And I didn't find it like a 'being ill' pain where you feel awful as well as in pain. I had a kidney infection whilst I was pregnant - the pain from that was worse because it was an ill pain IYSWIM.

One thing I did find helpful was to count during contractions, which (I don't think) lasted for more than about 30 seconds - once you get to 15 you know you're on the downhill slope as it were.

[Hollyoaks]

For me it was knowing that each contraction would end (eventually) and the labour would end and we would have a beautiful baby at the end. It also helped to have lots of knowledge on the process of labour and that what I was experiencing was normal (I was terrified of embarassing myself for some reason).

The thought of an epidural really scared me as well and the pain never got to the point where it outweighed the fear of the needle (for me).

The only thing I would do differently for next dc would be to prepare myself mentally for the possibility of something going wrong. DD had an emergency ventouse delivery as her cord was around her neck and although we were both fine at the end I was in shock for a few days weeks months afterwards at how it all ended (no pushing ).

Good luck

[makipuppy]

Brilliant, thanks so much for all your stories. I think I'm going to find something to focus on and listen to some very high energy music...

I shall report back...

[Aranea]

I read Ina May Gaskin's books, which really helped me to believe that my body was capable of doing it.

One of the key points I took away was that it is a completely different kind of pain from any other you have experienced, because it is not a pain which is telling you that anything is wrong. Part of the difficulty in dealing with pain is, as other posters have mentioned, fear. But with labour pain you don't need to feel that because the pain is entirely positive. It means that the baby is coming and you don't get to the end of the labour without pain (unless you are one of those bizarrely lucky women who gets a pain-free labour). That idea helped me a lot, as it meant I felt able to dive into the contractions as it were, rather than feeling that I wanted to run away from them.

The other really useful thing was concentrating on breathing deeply through the contractions rather than allowing myself to go into shallow, pain-resisting breathing.

[KingRolo]

I really don't think you can prepare yourself for it. Just keep an open mind and do what works for you on the day, whatever that may be.

Good luck!

[Aranea]

Oh, meant to say, make sure you've got a real range of music with you. It's impossible to know what you will feel like listening to, and the thing you think is going to be exactly right might turn out to be unbearable on the day. I couldn't bear to listen to quite a lot of the stuff I brought with me, and listened to the same CD over and over as it just worked so well for me.