how did you prepare yourself mentally for the --agony-- --pain-- er, I mean intensity of childbirth...?

[makipuppy]

I'm hoping to deliver our baby without an epidural.

How did you prepare yourself for the pain, or what did you do with your mind to help you through it?

Dp will be outside the delivery room. I respect his decision and have never tried to sway him on it, but it's quite daunting to think I have to face it essentially on my own (SIL will probably be there, but we're not incredibly close - I just think she's very nice and down to earth and has done it twice herself).

I've got two weeks to go

[makipuppy]

I really get what you say about it being a different kind of pain.

Had a meltdown discussion with DP last night, I was toying with the idea of getting a doula in for the birth. Apparently he wants to be there for the whole thing except the end bit, i.e. the bit when the baby comes out. Funny old sausage.

Aranea, I'm more bookish and have v. little music. I've asked a close friend to compile a playlist for my pod. He was thrilled! I only stipulated there should be some ELO.

I'm feeling very positive but then I'm still bouyed up by my NCT class on how we are warrioresses plunging into the underworld etc. I really want to do it without drugs but won't berate myself if that's what happens in the end.

[Aranea]

Great idea to have a doula, I think. It makes a world of difference to have someone there who you can trust when they say, 'everything is going as it should, you can do this'.

And unless you're very lucky you won't know who your midwife will be, so it's sensible to ensure that there is someone there who knows what it's all about and who you like and trust. Actually, even if your dh decides to be there for the whole thing I don't think it's a bad idea to have a doula. He won't know what's going on and although it is good to have a supportive partner there to look out for you, it isn't the same as having someone who actually knows about birth.

[makipuppy]

well now Aranea that's what I was saying to DP last night. I'd like someone to back me up in my belief there's a world of difference between, ooh, it's been going on a while now perhaps you should have a section/epidural etc. and you need a section the baby's in distress.

I had a look on the national website, but it's hard to tell who's who. Perhaps I'll do a post for recommendations in my area.

All the way through I've been so worried about whether the pregnancy would be successful (first time, ivf, 41, etc.) I've never let myself think there would actually be a baby.

[makipuppy]

Thanks Books!

This will be my only experience of childbirth, and I want it to be a good one...

[Aranea]

I really hope it goes the way you want it. Or at least, that even if it doesn't go the way you plan, you come out of it feeling positive about it.

[wahwahwah]

HypnoBirth. Read the books sp that you know what to expect and which drugs you can have when (just in case!). HB worked for me though.

[oysterpots]

Hypnobirth cds, I found essential oils really helped calm me and centre me during the actual labour (rose and lavender are a particularly lovely combination).

Like other posters have said, I ended up really getting 'in the zone', just focusing and going into myself. Between contractions it was quite a lovely place to be.

Haven't read the whole thread but if you want some reading material I would thoroughly recommend this book - loads of birth stories both in and out of hospital. Really 'normalised' the process for me, as did thinking about all the women in my family for generations having been through the same thing (and in much less positive environments, probably) really gave me the strength to do it.

Do you read Dooce? She's just put up her birth story which is pretty inspirational and talks a lot about the preparation she did.

Good luck, you'll be fine. Sounds weird but try to enjoy it, at least some of it - it's a pretty awesome experience!

[TheLittleMermaid]

I would definitely second oysterpots and aranea's recommendation on the Ina May Gaskin book. I had pretty rubbishy experience with DS (33 hour labour, had to be constantly monitored therefore confined to the bed because of issue found during pregnancy, back to back - ended up kind of sideways on - pethidine, epidural, episiotomy and ventouse, lots of pain afterwards) and was desperate to have different experience this time round.

Both me and my husband read Ina May (the second half is all about the facts which i found more useful, the first half is birth stories) and it REALLY helped.

DD was born 5 weeks ago after 3 hour labour with only 4 puffs of gas and air - got to hospital with minutes to go!! It still hurt like hell of course but I felt more able to cope with the pain - the 3 hour labour helped of course!!!!

I used a lot of the techniques in the book and it really helped that my husband had read it too so was able to remind me of the techniques when I was otherwise distracted!! so would be worth asking your SIL to read too....

Best of luck with the birth...really hope you get the experience you want but the main thing is to focus on the fact that every contraction is bringing you closer to meeting your baby

[omaoma]

i respect weggiemum saying there's no way to prepare yourself... she's right of course, and it is unfortunately different for everybody and every baby, but at the same time there's a lot you can do! dont' panic! i was terrified about labour. now having just had my first baby the metaphor i always use is that of running a marathon - clearly it's going to be a hugely challenging, physical and mental, experience that will push you to your limits. but millions of people do do it! so you don't have to be terrified, but clearly it will help to be as prepared as you can even if you can never imagine til you've done it what it's going to take. physical techniques: start perineal massage if you haven't already, it will definitely help you streeeeeetttttch! and there's no way round that. think about birth positions, try them and if you can try to prepare by kneeling/squatting every day. squatting really works to get the baby moving - shortens the birth canal and gets gravity involved. i leant on a birth ball as well. look up breathing techniques and practise them. keep walking and make sure you are eating well you need the energy. make sure you've got food and drink packed you think you'll be able to digest during labour (i had all sorts of things on hand but actually it was hot, strong, sugary tea that kept me going). mentally: i did hypnotherapy which if nothing else will keep you occupied and calm before it all kicks off and got me through the first bit of labour with almost no fuss. you can still book to do this even 2 weeks before. i did the rest with gas and air; no idea if it actually killed any pain but giving me something to focus my breathing on helped! i also primal-screamed my lungs out at the difficult bits. god that felt good, i almost wish i could do that bit again!

re birth partners: i had my mum as my doula and i wouldn't have been able to do it without her. i know it's not always the way things work out (as you say, your hubby's not into it), but having somebody you trust and who knows you and the process of giving birth that can be by your side is very very useful as there are points you feel quite vulnerable or just knackered! (however equally i know women who wanted to be alone...) i would make sure your SIL knows what you want, what you like and don't and your plans (even if they change) so she can be 'on side' and give the right support. the best thing that anybody said to me when i was wailing 'i can't do this!' was, 'but you ARE doing it!' which was very true. i would NEVER be able to run a marathon, but i did manage to give birth, at home, epidural and tear free! you do it one contraction at a time my love, and you'll be fine and SO PROUD that you managed it. i bloody am!

[flimflammum]

If you have time, I would recommend the CDs you can buy from www.natalhypnotherapy.com

My first childbirth was traumatic, ending in C-section, so I needed to replace the fear and bad memories with something more positive. You listen to the CDs as often as you like while pregnant (nice way to relax too, and drop off to sleep). It didn't take away the pain, but it definitely made me much calmer and less fearful.

Once early labour started, it helped me to say, OK my body knows what it's doing, it can take over now, my mind can relax. IME it's like being in a very internal kind of tunnel, by the end you really aren't much aware of anything else around you. I love music, but didn't want any playing after the first couple of hours, it was just an irritating distraction (as was gas and air for my second).

Also second what others have said about Ina May Gaskin's books. And stay as mobile as you possibly can. Each contraction, no matter how painful, does pass in a few minutes, just keep breathing.

Tell the midwife if you get scared and if she's any good she will reassure you.

Have a beautiful birth!

[nippyhippy]

Hi Makipuppy
Having your sil with you is a great idea. You can also find a doula in your area on www.doula.org.uk, this is the website for DoulaUK - the non-profit organisation of doulas in the UK.
If you didn't want a doula present at the birth you could still ask one to give you and your Sil a couple of preparation sessions so you can work out how you would like to be supported.
So, in a nutshell you can prepare for labour, but you also have to accept that it is unpredictable and it is important to be flexible. The ability to relax and sink 'into the zone' will allow the labour hormones to work effectively.

Hope this helps

[TWR]

You can mentally prepare - I found the natal hynotheraphy CDs really useful in giving me the ability to trust my body to do what it was designed for

I also found the relaxation useful

What was best was finding other methods of non-drug pain relief - I used a birthing pool which was great (it was the only pain relief I had) and having a MW who understood what I needed and didn't need in terms of support / intervention

[CloudDragon]

practice breathing techniques the BEST thing I did!

contractions last 60 secs

count to 10 by 3 times it is the worst of the contraction (they then ease off)

so by 20 secs you are nearly there
by 30 youre at the worst
and then its down hill
4

remember there is no pain between contractions!!!

I managed on gas and air and I am a right wuss good luck

[MiniMarmite]

I was induced (due to waters going and labour not establishing effectively) and had G&A.

I didn't really prepare for the pain specifically apart from writing a birth plan and understanding the different stages of labour (I'm bookish too and having information in my head made me feel strong even though I didn't conciously draw on it during labour). I just tried to relax about it and believe in myself. I remember feeling quite confident that I could do it and that my body was designed to do it. Actually, my body wasn't so good at it as I had a ventouse delivery in the end but I got there as close as possible to the way I wanted it to be.

We had a birth soundtrack which was a great distraction and I still feel sentimental when I listen to the songs I remember hearing.

I did have DH and my Mum there and they were a great support, as was the midwife.

I think it is important that you and your SIL know what the plan is and that you are comfortable with her being your supporter. It is especially important that she can help you communicate what you want/need in terms of pain relief at a particular point or situation.

You must be due almost the same date I was (last year)! Good luck, you'll be great

[inVlanderen]

I am maybe just a lucky (or positive thinking?) kinda girl..

I didn´t experience labour as painful as such and don´t think pain is a good analogy. Think of it as different to pain, something that may make you cry or shout out but not painful as such. It´s about making a huge exhausting intense effort but is achievable.

Breathing exercises are absolutely invaluable, a dp, imho, is not, I spent most of my labour on my own through choice and think it helped. No distraction from the task in hand ; )

You are right to be nervous, but the birth will also be potentially one of the most important moments of your life. Try to enjoy it! Yes, you could have a horrendous experience, but chances are you will NOT!

Good luck!

[kiwiinlondon]

you'll be absolutely fine! I had my DH and mum there and - to be honest - I may not even have noticed at certain points (my husband left at one point to go get lunch at sainsburys - I never knew till after the event...!). it was the closest thing to an out of body experience i've ever had and suspect I will do.

i did a lot of yoga while pregnant and the breathing exercises were absolutely brilliant - I swear that I counted my way through the entire day and, while I was clearly very happy when it was over, I was genuinely surprised when they told me to push because the head was coming (10 mins later he was out!). at the time I probably could have gone for another six hours had I needed to, I was so 'in the zone'!

my DS (first child) was born 9lbs 6oz and I managed on gas and air - the breathing was what got me through - that and a whole lot of self belief!

all the best for a very happy experience - its a day like no other, the legacy of which will capture your heart forever.

[Wonderstuff]

I read a few of the descriptions of birth in my pg guide books, and I think it helped to have a vague idea of what was going to happen. But I didn't read anything detailed, wasn't able to concentrate for more than a couple of minutes. I decided to be open to whatever pain relief I needed and go with the flow. I had gas and air and pethidine. I honestly have a really positive and happy memory of giving birth. I think it helped that I hated being pg and the relief that that was over was amazing.

I am really glad that I didn't have an epi because the feeling of my baby's body whooshing out was amazing. Imagine the relief when you really really need a wee and find a toilet and times it by a million. Hearing her cry was the best moment of my life. I have such fond memories of that day. If I didn't have to be pregnant for nine months first I'd do it again and again.

I was scared when I was told to keep pushing after contractions ended during second stage, because I thought it would be very painful, but it wasn't at all. Just knackering.

I hope you have a fantastic birth.

[Wonderstuff]

Early on at home I found timing my contrations helped, had a watch with a second hand an focuse on how long I had till it was over - hurts like buggery but only for 30 secs and so could cope with that.

[moffat]

Keep telling yourself that you can do it, and try to mentally "meet" the pain - gives a feeling of being slightly more in control.

[GreenMonkies]

Read, read, read.

Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read
Birth Reborn by Michel Odent
Birth Your Way by Sheila Kitzinger
New Active Birth by Janet Balaskas

The more you know about it, the more confident you'll be, the more confident you are, the less stressed you'll be, the less stressed you are the easier it will be. Anxiety makes you feel more pain, it's the Fear-Tension-Pain" cycle. it doesn't have to be agony.

Neither of mine were.

[GreenMonkies]

Think of contractions as contractions, not pains. They are hard work, definately, but mine didn't hurt, until they put me on my back and filled me full of syntocin. Birth upright, stay calm, be positive. Childbirth can be a fantastic experience.

[SheWillBeLoved]

I didn't, and coped pretty well I think. Early on in my pregnancy I got Hypnobirthing books/CD's.. but could never really get into it. I decided to just let my body get on with doing what it was designed to do, and not be afraid as it was too late to change anything by that point!

During contractions, I found either focussing on a certain spot/smudge on the wall and repeating what it was in my head (ie; spot on the wall, spot on the wall, spot on the wall!) or breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth whilst thinking "innnnn, outtttt" helped a lot anything to block out thinking "ow, this bloody hurts!". Although it does take a while to get the hang of only thinking of one thing when you're in that amount of pain, but once you get the hang of it, it's great. I had gas & air, and pethidine, and labour lasted 6.5 hours.

Try not to worry. Your body will know what to do, and you'll naturally find something that will work for you, whether that's breathing techniques or a big juicy epidural good luck!

[Momino]

Another fan of Hypnobirthing. I was quite skeptical about it and certainly I didn't hypnotise myself. However, it really, really did relax me and I felt like I could manage the pain a lot better than the previous 2 births i experienced (they were horrible).

before dd3's birth i was terrified. I didn't religiously listen to the CD but in the last 2 weeks I did listen daily. Mostly fell asleep whilst listening but I do believe they helped me relax as when I did go into labour, I gave birth with just gas and air.

don't put too much pressure on yourself either and I echo what Shewillbeloved just said: you'll find something that worked for you whether breathing or epidural.

All best wishes and enjoy your baby.