First baby and would like to avoid pain relief or am I being silly?

[mrswee]

Hi

I am 31 weeks pregnant just now and planning for a natural birth for my first baby.

However of course I have no experience of the pain I may endure and I am wondering if I am just setting myself up to be traumatised for the sake of being stubborn!!? I do have a couple of friends who are struggling to recover mentally from recent first births.

I know birth plans often go out the window and that I can always change my mind and scream for pain killers if I really need... but I'd like to try to be positive about at least attempting to do this.

But can people come and talk to me about their good experiences and give tips on how to cope through a first natural birth?

and also if anyone who went down this road and really regrets it and feels strongly enough to say I maycbe making a mistake please also speak up!

thanks in advance

I had my second at home with no pain relief of any sort. It was perfectly manageable. I had a doula to help me with my breathing and I rested in between the contractions until there was no gap. The only time I felt any fear was a brief moment when I wondered when on earth the MW was going to turn up and then the contractions took over again.

I think you need to give yourself to it completely, rather than think through it, and then you can do it. I walked on air for a while after mine. I felt invincible, despite the exhaustion, grazes, afterpains and inability to sit down .

I think it's perfectly sensible to try but you need to prepare yourself for the fact that it might not go as you hope and plan. Accept, in advance, that the birth not being "perfect" doesn't make you a failure, and that having pain relief of any sort doesn't make you a failure. Be prepared to change tack if required. I had a hospital transfer with my first and ended up with a ventouse and it wasn't that bad. Not what I wanted or planned but still fine. I think it really helped that an experienced community MW, whom I knew wasn't trying to talk me out of a natural HB, made me aware beforehand that if my baby didn't turn into the right position things could be hard.

I've had both mine at home, an open mind is a great thing. Of course you don't know how you will react but a positive attitude is a great help whatever you end up using for pain relief.

My first I used a fair bit of gas and air, it really took me by surprise (went from no contractions at all to continuous in the space of 5 mins) and all the ideas of having a nice bath, dh massaging my back etc went out of the window. I had some pethidine on site in case I wanted it but I didn't at all, the gas and air was fine.

Number 2 was a much nicer labour, in water and only used gas for a couple of contractions before deciding it was getting in the way more than helping.

The best thing you can do is listen to your body, feel what the pain is doing (ie moving you baby down, pushing it out etc) rather than focusing on the pain itself. And breathe. The midwife who attended my second birth was wonderful as she kept her nose out apart from reminding me to breathe back down after the peak of each contaction and that was a big help.

At the end of the day though remember that pain relief is ok to use, you won't be letting yourself down by using it. Plus something like gas and air you can try for a while and put aside if oyu don't like it.

I'd planned a home birth so wasn't ecpecting to have access to pain relief, except G&A. I did a hypnobirthing course which was amazing and really helped me prepare for the birth and cope with the contractions. I can't recommend it highly enough. I was my sister's birth partner for her 2nd baby recently- she roped me in cos she'd done the hypnobirthing too. She said it made a massive difference to her.
In the end, I did transfer to hospital and did request an epidural but that was because I had a 72 hour back labour and was just knackered and not coping well any more. Labour was painful but the hypnobirthing techniques made it loads easier to cope. I'd go for a home birth and use the hypnobirthing again in a shot. If I had another back labour I would consider going in and having an epidural instead but only because it can make labour long.
Totally agree with the advice to learn as much as poss about the phisiological process of labour, it really helps you prepare.
Best of luck, hope all goes to plan.

Everyone's already say everything I would say about the birth itself. After 2 with only gas and air, 2nd no time for TENS, all I'd say is don;'t think only of analgesia during labour. I knew about the options and coped without - not from an ideological standpoint, just have quite a high pain threshold and had a fast last stage. But think about afterwards.

I realise retrospectively that I was quite silly ignoring the drugs trolley the 2 days in hospital afterwards, limping about in pain. OK, I had no stitches and first degree tears only, but it's no picnic. Another time around I'd have cocodamol or whatever they were offering; didn't even have paracetamol then or at home later.

Thank you everyone for all your responses! sorry I didn't pop back earlier to say thanks.. I was painting a small room for a small person!

lots to consider and learn about but all very helpful so far!

I've had all 3 of my babies without any pain relief. I didn't really plan it like that with my first - had a couple of puffs of gas and air but found it didn't like it - I subsequently asked for pethidene but was too late to have it. So by default really.

When it came to thinking about how I'd like my next 2 births to be I was keen to try and do the same as the first as this had been a good experience - although I would have taken pain relief had I needed to at any point.

I was lucky that all 3 of my births were straightforward so I managed without the pain relief. For me I found breathing through the contractions really helped.

oh, and don't forget what my cousin (doctor) said after 3 Caesarians: it's the only chance you get to ask for class A drugs legally

I had no pain relief with either of mine.

With dd went into labour at 5pm. Had a few baths that evening and went to bed at 10pm as was just like period pain. Got up again at 11pm as pain was stopping me sleep but still not bad. Started timing pains (and realised they were contractions lol) and as they got stronger through the night began puking (A LOT). Used birth ball which was briliant and the only comfy position i could find.
Went to hospital and got hooked up to a drip to rehydrate me from all the puking and a monitor for the baby which meant i was stuck on the bed - VERY painful. They still thought i was in early labour and so i was asking for pain relief by this point. Really thought i could not do anymore - i wanted to go home at this point - as if that would make the pain stop!! They were not in a hurry to get me any though and i went back into the bath where the pain eased and then magically stopped. Thought i needed the toilet so reluctantly got out of the bath, had internal and was 10cm and pushed dd out within 1/2hr- too late for any pain relief by then and the pushing makes the contractions bearable anyway - there's a different sort of pain at that stage.

The part where i wanted to give up and go home was transition and i'm actually glad they kind of fobbed me off about getting drugs cos i was so much closer to the end than i realised. It's because you don't know how much longer the pain will go on for that you may think you need pain relief - if you knew you had 20 more contractions to get through then you could mentally prepare but it could be 20, could be 60 so hard to gage how well you're doing iykwim?

With ds i basically took the view that if the contractions were fairly brutal and quick then i probably wouldn't be too long and could just get on with it. I used birth ball again and had a proper birth pool to use. Labour slightly quicker than with dd but contractions were coupling (one on top of another with no let up) so swings and roundabouts - more painful but for less time overall.

In some ways, having a point of reference with regards to what contractions felt like did help the second time around as i knew what level of pain i had coped with before and so could tell what was initial 'mild' pain and not panic too early.
Try and stay calm and relax and breath but do not be afraid to speak up if you have had enough - you only end up with a baby, there's no medals for bravery! Xx

I had DS1 in the water; he was 8lb10oz, with a 91st centile head and back to back. It wasn't comfy(!), but because it was my first experience of labour, I didn't know what it was meant to feel like. And I remember thinking it couldn't get much worse and I'd coped with it so far, so I could cope with it just a bit longer. And a bit longer. Just one more contraction. Then another.

I had a broken TENS machine for the first couple of hours, and then took it off to get into the water (which was really warm - almost unbearably so at first, but I soon got used to it and getting out for other pain relief was unthinkable, it was so lovely to be floaty and light, having previously been elephantine!).

With DS2, I had nowt - they were filling the pool as he decided to arrive. One midwife kept bobbing about, asking if I was sure I didn't want gas and air, but I shut my eyes and swayed my hips a lot. I found being upright helped massively and I had DS2 on all fours. He was 8lb 1oz. I found labour with him far less painful, because he wasn't back to back.

Good luck with your birth - agree with the others who say don't expect you WILL need pain relief, because it's perfectly possible to do it without - but if you DO need it, it doesn't mean you've failed or done it "wrong" - it just means you had some pain relief. There really are no medals at the end of it, but preparing and thinking and being informed about your choices is the best thing you can do, imo and ime.

No it's not jkklpu. I've had plenty! I was even getting them from the chemist for a while .

my 1st dd i was ibnduced and wasnt allowed to leave the bed, so i had an epideural which didnt work and a horrible labour.

2nd dd, just gas and air, fast birth.

3rd gas and air again, induced labour but allowed to stay active and upright for most of it.

4th. homebirth. active for most of the labour, until i decided to rest for 45mins before the big contractiosn restarted. used gas and air at the end.

I have had two drug free pain free waterbirths. Both started spontaniously.
I used tens at home and delivered at midwife led units. The thing that helped me were.

Delivering in an environment that i was completely happy in.

Having a midwife, or team that you are comfortable with.

Water birth-simply the best!

Staying at home as long as possible. I got to the unit with 2 hours to spare with dd1 and 1 hour with dd2.

Hypnotherapy, it can help you relax so much. In fact I was nearly asleep between contractions with stage two. Midwife wrote in her notes "mum very relaxed!"

You can have the birth you want with a lot of forthought, and luck on your side.

Most of all be happy with your choices and good luck

PS my reading recommendation is birth your way by sheila kitzinger

the problem with your question is that it attracts people who want to tell you that they also had no pain relief.

I've had two babies - the first was agonising and lasted 42 hours.

I can see absolutely no point in planning "no pain relief". There are no medals for endurance.

My second baby came too quickly for any pain relief. It was nowhere near as painful as the first but I'd have liked something for the pain all the same.

Good luck!

Why is there no point in planning "no pain relief"? I didn't want a medal (good job, eh?!), but I had good reasons based on past experience of various different forms of pain relief and a plaster allergy so bad my skin blisters and comes away with the plaster (yes, even "hypoallergenic" ones). I was also "lucky" in that I'd had a trial run every month for the previous decade of what labour would be like, but with no baby at the end of it, so I had a fair idea I could manage without pain relief. Planning to definitely have pain relief would have been pointless for me.

Yes - perfectly possible and I would recommend:

Hypnobirthing/hypnotherapy course/cds
TENS
Massage
Birth pool

practice relaxation as much as you can beforehand.

I have had two lovely, drug free unmedicalised natural births, I have never had gas and air but have used a tens machine and both times I delivered in a birth pool at home

What you are hoping for is completely achievable if the baby is in the right position, if your contractions are effective, if you are not too tired, if none of the other too many to list complications occur...

Thinking positively and planning ahead will help you, breathing and relaxation techniques are good, listening to hypnotherapy CDs to help you prepare, maybe your partner can learn some simple massage rubs to help - there are lots of things you can do without adding chemicals to your body if you don't want to. Some people say drinking raspberry leaf tea for the last few weeks can help, or taking evening primrose oil or homeopathic remedies - I can't say either way whether they are effective or not, but I did and have no complaints - but obviously don't know what it would have been like without!

Keep your open mind, don't do 'natural or die trying' (an exaggeration!) and see what happens on the day

Good luck

Hi again, just read more than your OP and wanted to address your list:-
water pool -highly recommend, lovely
Birthing ball-had for DS but couldn't sit down! (with DD 2yrs later had lost plug for it!)
Being active-no option see above! went for a walk around the block, would have been better if it hadn't snowed! stuck to laps of the living room after that
Massage-with DD DH pushing against the bottom of my back during Cx really helped, I seemed to kneel and lean on the chair during contractions, then get up again as they faded each time
Reflexology-DD born within 24hrs of my last treatment! didn't use during labour though
Aromatheraphy-had all sort of lovely plans for burning clary sage and lavender during labour - never got round to it as was pretty quick
Homeopathy-TAKE ARNICA! hired a birth kit from local homeopath with guide book and specific remedies but didn't use much of it

HTH

both mine no pain relief..first 7lbs 13 (2 2nd tears)and second 8lbs 13oz. i had had m/c and abortion before which were equaLLY PAINFUL...

the pain is temporary. once baby is born you feel so much better.
i agree good birthing partner essential.

i think whilst all goes well, it is on a par pain wise with very bad period pain. I think it is important to

1. NOT FEAR THE PAIN. it will pass.
2. DON'T WORRY. even if it ends up totally like you didn't want,(with eg emergency c/s) you'll have the baby and that's the main thing
3. stay active as this will move things forward (even though this makes it hurt more in the short term.)

avoid e.g. induction, breaking of membranes (if poss) ...interventions like these can make the pain the worse. not sure i could have coped with additional pain-burden as have not experienced it.

there are some very very good reasons for not wanting pain relief, it's not daft at all.

first time i thought..ill leave the gas n air until i need it...and i never needed it.

believe you can do it.
i had a home birh and i believe the relaxed attitude you take at home makes it easier.

Sorry for being negative but you may well scream for pain relief but that is NO guarantee that you will get it.

I sincerely hope that your birth does live up to your expectations - Good luck.

I had all three with only gas and air. The best thing is to be flexible and wait and see. I can't see any point in a birth plan-how are you expected to know what you want when you have never done it before? Even with the second and third I was completely open minded. No one ever saw me before I was 8cm dilated anyway so you can just do your own thing up to that point. I didn't want pain relief, but when it was offered with 1st I said 'yes please anything!' -however by then it was too late and I was pleased afterwards that it was drug free.

I had ds2 and ds3 at home. Ds3 I had without pain relief of any sort, and with ds2 I had some whiffs of gas and air in the final few minutes - though if I'd known how close I was to giving birth, I'd probably not have asked for it.

As others have said, do your research so you know your options (including the pros and cons of the different forms of pain relief) and be open minded. If you change your mind in labour, that's fine - the most important thing is that you feel in control of the situation (as much as is possible, when your body is busily doing its own thing).

I wish you the best of luck, a wonderful birth and a lovely baby.

All that said, see if you can persuade the midwife to give you a cannister or two of gas and air - it is wonderful and amazing stuff (I used it with ds1 and a little with ds2, plus having it when I collapsed with abdo pain). It makes you feel totally drunk but you sober up immediately, and I maintain to this day that every mother needs it to help her through the terrible twos!

I had an epidural with DS1, just G&A with DS2. What made the difference for me was:

1. Length of labour. DS1 was 48 hours and I was just a broken woman by the time I was offered the epidural (42 hours in). DS2 was 24 hours, most of which I spent at home. Much more manageable. Hopefully your labour will be one of the quick ones!

1. Positioning of the baby. DS1 was back-to-back so I had excruciating back pain all the way through, with no break between contractions. With DS2 I did all I could to make sure he was in a good position (do a search on 'Optimal foetal positioning') and maybe it was just luck but he was in a much better position so I got the break between contractions.

1. Movement. With DS1 I was paralysed from pain. With DS2 I stayed upright (wouldn't even let the mw examine me on my back) and moved around as much as I could.

1. Expectations. Now I know that everyone experiences pain differently but my labour pain is absolutely nothing bloody like period pain. I cannot even begin to describe how much it hurt. This came as a total shock with DS1 and really disheartened me as I was not expecting that level of pain. With DS2 it hurt just as much, but because I expected it I could deal with it better. I kept telling myself that if I had managed 42 hours before the epidural with DS1, then I could probably hang in there long enough to get DS2 out. Which I did... albeit with a lot of screaming and swearing!

My recovery was much easier after DS2's birth, and I felt much more positive about it. I would almost do it all again! So I do think it's not a bad thing to aim for. However... if you need it (as I did with DS1) then have it, it's not a crime!

I agree with everything people have said here about keeping your options open and reading, reading, reading. One thing I would add is: find out about the hospital's record on / attitude to natural birth and intervention, if you really want a natural birth then try a birth centre vs a labour ward. Or think about a home birth. I really wanted a pain-relief free labour but I had what was positioned as 'very heavy' bleeding / suspected rupture from 3cm dilated and ended up having a lot of intervention including assisted delivery and epidural because the hospital team were very risk averse and wanted to get the baby out (he was absolutely fine btw). I now know that other hospitals / different teams would have let me have a water birth and been a bit less interventionist in the same scenario.

HTH

I've had an epidural which I really needed and for the others nothing at all as I just didn't need any pain relief. Just see how you go. If you need an epidural then you will know and it will be wonderful to have. Likewise if you don't need pain relief then it will be fine as well.

I had a 3 day latent (irregular contractions) stage labour with a TENS and many, many episodes of HOUSE, followed by a water pool in the final 4 - 5 hours, and gas and air for the last 2 or so. It was fine - never hurt that badly, truly. I kept one step ahead of unbearable pain all the way through.

I'd bear in mind that a huge amount of labour is luck, so don't get wedded to any particular outcome except you and the baby being well. I tried to see it as a staircase of options, with nothing but distraction at the bottom, then TENS, visualisation, water, gas and air, pethidene, epidural. I was willing to go up a step as the pain became unendurable, but I didn't need to go any higher than the g & a. By the end I was sucking it without any cessation, though!

One thing that did really help was giving birth in a midwife-led, home from home environment, and even that was after spending most of the labour at home, eating, moving about, watching tv... and grumbling! I wanted to know that serious help and pain relief was available, because I knew that would stop me worrying and reduce the chances of my needing any, so I wanted to be in hospital, but I'm lucky and ours has an MLBU the floor below the standard labour ward. I went in to be checked over on day 2, and it was in the normal delivery unit, and I hated it. Bright lights, clinical, hard gurneys, just not at all relaxing. Atmosphere really mattered to me, which I'd never anticipated before being in labour - most especially lighting and privacy. I didn't feel vulnerable in the MLBU, and felt very in control; the moment my mother started bustling or the midwife took readings and needed me to surface from the pool I felt more pain. In the MLBU I was able to ask Mum to sit down and be quiet, and the mw didn't need to do any internals or anything intrusive, because she was one-to-one so could know how I/ds were doing by my breathing and temperature, and an underwater doppler for him.

I am really lucky, and had an easy and natural birth, albeit a long one. I think most women can, given half a chance. But if the baby is back to back, or you're just unlucky, don't see the drugs as your enemy - they're there as a backup if and when you need them, and you may not. I know TENS and gas and air do nothing for some people, and they need more. You might be lucky, and not need even that much!

Water was a godsend, though. I was in a fair bit of pain by the time I reached hospital, and my own bath at home was useless. The one in hospital was so huge I could float in it, and I did - and the pain went. It was extraordinary. Didn't need anything else for a good hour or two after that. The TENS really helped earlier on as well, though after 2 days it started to burn badly as it was in the same place, obviously, and the nerve endings there'd had enough of being shocked!