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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Too hormonal to cope with disapproval over c/s :(

49 replies

ChocFudgeCake · 22/07/2009 23:51

I few weeks ago I decided to go for a c/s. I had a birth injury a few years ago and never felt back to normal. I spoke to a couple of specialists and decided to have a caesarean this time. It was very difficult for me to arrive to a decision. DH is not very supportive, he would have liked that I try a vaginal birth (well, HE can have the next baby!). Now, I have noticed that everytime that people ask when I'm having the baby and I tell them the day and it comes up in the conversation that I'm having a c/s, they have negative reactions. Of course I don't expect anyone to be enthusiastic about it (unless they had some 3rd degree tear themselves!), but it's bringing me down. I know I shouldn't feel like this or care, I'm so grateful that I'm having the baby.
Anyone experienced something similar?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 16:39

BTW I was never offered the chance to have a favourite CD on during either of my two electives.

Mind you there would have been a row if I had had the chance - DH is an appalling music snob and sneers at most of the things I like. If he'd had his way the baby would have been born to U2 or something, not that I mind them but that twat Bono already thinks he's God - I don't want my babies agreeing with him.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 23/07/2009 16:42

tbf he can't be that much of a music snob if he likes U2.

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 16:57

I see what you mean, Libra. I meant that he erm how shall I put it, declines to conceal his disdain should anyone else's preferred music be not to his taste.

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 23/07/2009 17:04

Ah LeninGrad, they didn't tell me about this solution. I read throu the booklet and it says that one should shave the top bit, but it doesn't matter if one forgets... Shall I pretend I forgot so they do it?

I told some people "Well, I've given birth vaginally 3 times. Now I'd like to know what a c/s feels like!"

OP posts:

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 23/07/2009 17:06

Yes, LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune. That's why I have not spoken to him again about this. I don't find any word that might improve the situation.

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IsItMeOr · 23/07/2009 17:09

CFC - just wanted to say your DH needs a kick up the behind and that your "friends" need a bit of a reality check. You've had 3 DCs already, it's hardly as if you're going into this without oodles of experience under your belt. I cannot believe anybody thinks this is something they should comment on in anything other than a supportive way.

Can I send my lovely supportive "but I don't understand why everyone wouldn't want the pain relief" DH round to tell your DH what a real husband should be like in this situation?

TBH it's your DH who is making me crossest, as he really should know better.

Rant over!

jabberwocky · 23/07/2009 17:20

CFC, I am glad you are feeling better about the cs. I had an emergency section with ds1 and then a lovely planned one with ds2. Bfing was no problem and the second day I wheeled him down the hall to the portrait studio to get his picture taken all by myself! I really liked the calm feeling of knowing that I was not going to have to labor again after my nightmare the first time around - which definitely affected my bonding with ds1

As it turned out, ds2 had a triple nuchal cord which could have been problematic in a vaginal delivery. The surgeon even popped her head over the little screen after he came out and gave me a "well done for deciding on a scheduled section this time around"

LeninGrad · 23/07/2009 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 23/07/2009 17:22

Yes, I know, it's sad. I do hope he sees sense soon. It's humiliating and embarrasing that one's husband can react this way. I'll tell MIL to sort him out for me . She had such an horrific time when he was born that didn't venture to have any more. BTW I have only 2DCs, one died after birth due to prematurity. My bonding issues are related to this. I'll probably be posting about that soon...

OP posts:

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 23/07/2009 17:26

I'm not having any pre-op appointment! I was just given a pack of info and I'll go for a blood test tomorrow. They'll have to tell me any extras on the day.

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 17:39

CFC about your baby.

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2009 17:44

I would like to respectfully suggest that when you have decided your family is complete, your DH has a vasectomy. Without anaesthetic. Then you will be able to be totally impressed by seeing his famous high pain threshold in all its glory.

(WRT shaving, I didn't do it when I had DC3, they asked if I had, I said, oooh no, sorry, and they just did it for me - they are doing all sorts of things down there anyway they might as shave you a bit as well while they're about it... )

TheNatty · 23/07/2009 17:48

it is totally out of order for people to comment on your choice, not that this will stop them doing it!
try to ignore them, and remember once its over and the baby is here, it probally wont come up again in conversation. no one ever mentions the fact i had a section with my DS (now three)

hope it all goes well for you x

IsItMeOr · 23/07/2009 17:53

Oh CFC, so sorry to hear about your little one. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you.

I had an EMCS and it was absolutely fine. No problems BFing beyond the norm for 1st time mums and felt very well very quickly, and got home after 2 nights. Hope the same will be the case for you.

paisleyleaf · 23/07/2009 19:50

Oh Leningrad, I didn't mean you would have problems with an emergency....just that it I understand it is a different experience from mine. Whoops...I should've said 'could'.

I got given hair removal cream at pre-op.

whomovedmychocolate · 23/07/2009 19:55

ChocFudgeCake - I've had two caesarians and quite frankly they were marvellous so do feel free to tell the nersayers to get stuffed.

You are doing what is right for you and your baby. If you said you were having a homebirth you'd get equally crappy comments. People should either cheer you on or shut the fuck up when it comes to birth choices I reckon.

I used Veet btw - it's fine. You do have to go down to the public bone really. But no further - it's like an Amish type beard!!!!

LeninGrad · 23/07/2009 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsoon · 23/07/2009 21:00

Sod the negative comments ,its not how we got into the world that really counts is it ? its what a fantastic mother you are going to be once it arrives .If people are negative ,i would go into great detail about your third degree tear ,how long it took to stich it up ,the agony of waiting for it to heal etc ,give it your all ,make it as gory as you can (offer to show your scars !!) and i bet they will scuttle off with their tails clamped firmly between thier legs

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 24/07/2009 10:11

Thanks to all
I could also start saying that I'll have a "Homebirth Caesarean" to combine the best of 2 worlds
My sister called yesterday to tell me all the advantages of c/s. I think my dad put her to it, he must be still worried that I was low the other day.
But now with all this support, I feel like going out and challenging people

OP posts:

mixandmatch · 24/07/2009 12:32

CFC - I had an elective section two weeks ago for my first baby, with no medical reason - unless you count an absolute terror of natural birth as a medical reason (which I do, actually.) Anyway, it was fantastic and SO the right decision for me. But because I feared exactly the kind of reactions you had, I didn't tell anyone in advance apart from DH, family and a few very close/sympathetic friends. Your post now makes me think my decision was the right one but it makes me so cross that women put themselves and each other through this kind of torment. If men had babies, you can be sure they'd all do exactly what they wanted and not give a s* what anyone else thought.

For what it's worth, I have been honest with many more people since my baby was born and no-one has dared to say anything. I think once the baby is here, you really won't care what anyone thinks, and they will hopefully be too excited by the baby to pass judgement on the birth. I think it's just that when you're pregnant, people (for some reason) enjoy talking about/terrifying you about the birth. Lovely.

brettgirl2 · 24/07/2009 16:43

I am constantly about how damn rude people are about everything to do with pregnancy.

I don't really understand all the anti-ceasarian stuff, it's just a scar in a different place really isn't it?

Deffo tell MIL what a price loon her DS is being.

Meglet · 24/07/2009 22:24

cfc Please ignore all the rude people who comment on your planned cs. Unless they are willing to go through all the pain, risks and healing from another bad tear for you then their words mean nothing.
You're the one giving birth, you need to do it in the way you feel most comfortable .

Chynah · 26/07/2009 22:55

I had an elective section by maternal request (NO medical reason other than my issues surrounding VB) for my first birth. I have not experienced any disapproval but have had at least 2 other new mummy friends saying they wished they'd done it that way as they hated the experience (and they didn't have particularly 'bad' births). Personally nobody knew I was having an elective and afterwards I have only told people as the discussion came up because I don't feel I need to tell everyone what has coe out of every orifice (same as I didn't discuss the possible workings of my breasts when I was pregnant) - I have a gorgeous son - I'm happy - end of!

You need to make the right choice for you - its your body - tell DH to get stuffed and believe me your CS scar will be tiny - Go for it

Mybox · 26/07/2009 23:34

It's noone elses business but yours. Ignore these other people - they're not the ones going to be giving birth to your your child.

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