Missed birth of my own baby due to c - section under general anethetic... happened to ANYONE else?

[champagneanddaisys]

My dd is four months old now and just found out one of my closest friends is pregnant and its bringing it all back. I cant help feeling real envy that she might get the birth I didnt get.
Feel realy bad and selfish for thinking that, I obviously want her to have the birth she wants. I think its just bringing back what happened to me.

Please if theres anyone else out there who had baby under general anethetic msg me just so I know theres someone else been through it.

My sister had an emergency c-section under GA - in her situation it was ok, I think, as she was exhausted after a week's false labour, etc etc. She does have a brilliant relationship with my now 4 year old niece.

From my point of view, having delivered a dead child, it was surprisingly important to me to have as normal a delivery as possible with dd2. I don't think I felt this before she was born; was v. worried during the pregnancy and very focussed on healthy baby, but the experience of a straighforward delivery, and the consultant deciding not to use forceps, etc was, in hindsight, extraordinarily cathartic, and much more important than I had expected.

Yes, a healthy baby is the absolute priority, and perspective is important - the "perfect birth" idea rather grates on me, and how many people actually expect this I don't know, but giving birth is a profoundly emotional experience, and I'm not surprised that you still have things to think through. Good luck.

Oh, absolutely - I think I had delivered dd1 vaginally, I just wanted the same experience but with a better outcome - not so different to you, really!

I am indeed well; supposed to be working, but meh... Are you due very soon?

Lenin - saw that you're in hosp on other thread (which I don't want to post on!). Hope all is well with you and the wee one.

mine was 6 years ago! (how time flies!!)
I was 10cm dilated when they discovered that my son was breach, in distress and in a mess.

I have pre eclapmsia. But they still went ahead till i was dilated 10cm's.

So i remember the agony of getting to 10cms, rememebr 3 people trying to break my waters....then nowt.
I woke up i think about 12 hours later.

DS had a huge bruise all the way around his bottom, with slash cuts across his buttocks and the small of his back. He has the scars 6 years on to show for it.

This was where they cut him trying to break the bag of water plugged by his bum.

I have conciled myself to the fact that had he been the right way up, he would have slash marks on his face now, had they not given me the GA for CS, i may not now have a 6 year old that never shuts up...

For me, it was the right decision, it was safe, controlled and managed well enough.
I SO wish that they had scanned me though to check his position.

Ok after re reading the whole thread, you all have me worried that my feelings of ambivalence to my c-section under GA at 27 weeks are wrong. I was only trying to help the OP not cause her more distress. I am sorry OP.

siouxsie, your feelings are yours and so perfectly valid for you - please, please don't feel bad about them. It's a complicated and emotional business even when things go perfectly, lord knows.

God, that sounds patronising. Sorry. It's been a long day

Champagne

My DS is 13 months and i had an emergency section under GA, like you i was (still am a bit) jealous when i heard of other women who had seen their babies being born!

I was told a week before my due date that if i needed a section it would be under GA. I have low platelets which meant and epidural was not an option.I was so upset at the time and felt i was being selfish, but i just wanted to share the birth with my husband.

I did take me a long time to get over it and i had lots of flash backs. I know that the most important thing was that my DS was safe and when the decision was made to go to theatre i was relieved because i wanted a healhty baby and mummy!

It will take time to get over it and something will always trigger it off. My advice is when you feel you are getting upset about it talk to your partner or a friend. The only people who will really understand is other women who have had a GA, please feel free to private message me .

BTW, was it explained to you why you needed as GA? you will still be able to chat it over with the midwives if you are finding it hard.

take care

Libxx

Diege - that sound like exactly what happned to me, cant belive iv got in touch with someone else who had that happen to them. the most scary feeling of being suffocated. I was told by the hospital staff that it hardly ever happens. as if thats any consulation! but it only happens aparently when they put to much anathetic in.

Lib - thank you very much for your kind words. It had kinda been explained to me why I ended up with a GA but I find it hard to come to terms with. Still feel very cheated and the thought of having another baby terrifies me!

Girlsyearapart - I cant belive they wouldnt go with your wishes when it came feeding your newborn. It might be unusual but in the same situation I would much rather my baby got the comfort of being fed by my sister rather than from a cup or bottle. Its not like you just plucked somone from the street! YOUR SISTER! you came from the same womb!!!

Champagne in answer to your original question, me too, 5.5 years ago. I had 14 hours' labour with DD1, then foetal distress, a failed epidural and em c-s under GA. I was devastated that I didn't see my daughter born. She was given straight to DH, who then sat next to my bed holding her waiting for me to wake up. Apparently, the first time I woke up, he asked me I wanted to see my beautiful daughter. I said no, I ws too tired, take her away and I'll see her tomorrow. DH thought this was funny, I am still devastated that is the first thing she heard me say.

I was so upset that I didn't see DH's face when he first held her, that I didn't get to hold her skin-to-skin - I felt I had failed. I had 2 sessions with a mw at my hospital to go through my notes, and it was invaluable. I didn't do it straight away - so many people (including DH) gave me the 'well, it's all OK now' line that I thought I was overreacting. Then my sister sent me some articles she'd read about the distress following traumatic birth, and asked me if I was OK. I was as if someone had given me permission to feel as I did, and that what I felt was valid. So, I did the notes reviews and made it much better. It still took me some time to get over, and I still feel sad about it, but I can deal with it now.

It does get better.

hi i had a planned section under GA. as i have a metal rod in my back the only pain relief avaliable was gas and air and there was no way i could handle that!! so i was not disappointed about the fact i wouldnt see my son born as i had planned for it. it was only after when i watched all those labour programmes did i feel as if id missed out and i always catch myself crying when the baby is born!!
i am currently 31 weeks preg and have been told i will not get a section this time as there is a new form of pain relief called remi fenton, has any one any experiences with this?

I too had an em cs under GA almost 2yrs ago and I have now completely come to terms with it, at the time I was one of the ones saying "I am alive, my daughter is alive what does it matter how she got here" but then shortly after her birth I did start to feel exactly as you do champagne. However after reading the details of your CS I realise how lucky I am, in that I fully understand, and have no problem with why a CS under GA was necessary. (I had a cord prolapse) I really feel for you and I hope that you are able to come to terms with the birth you had, its not too late to go over your notes, you have the right to be talked through your notes at any time.

Like so many people have already said I found it hard to come to terms with the fact that I didn't get to be with my daughter for the first 30 hrs of her life (she was in ICU) but then I started thinking about my older sister, she had a supposedly normal delivery with her DS, but she was doped up on pain killers and so on the day following the birth and was fairly out of it too and it made me realise that even if I had had a "normal" delivery it didn't necessarily mean that I would have had any better or more positive memories of my DDs first day in the world. I know that this wont make any difference to a lot of people but it did help me so I thought I would share it.

I had DS under GA and couldn't see hime for 3 days, he was in NICU and I was in HDU and too ill to be moved to see him. we both were lucky to survive. I found it hard coming to terms with the birth and after 2 stillbirths was just grateful for a living baby, it really is the main things, that's how I thought of it. I find it hard when people go on and on about thier 'difficult births' to me as theirs seems easy compared. But i also would not go on about mine to someone who had lost their baby as I know they would think well at least your baby and you are OK. Time helps I think.