so worried that something will go wrong, am i being silly?

[mamalove2]

hi there im a newbie to the site and after reading over some threads and seeing how supportive everyone is i thought id write with my concerns,
my first experience of childbirth didnt go too well, after a 49+ hour labour, attempted forceps, attempted vontouse, tears and tears, failed epidural, a very stern and insensitive and stressed out on duty senior, shouting at me to try harder,and my baby being stressed. i ended up with an ecs, in the ward no midwifes bothered with me (only a lovely auxillary helped and spoke to me) whenever i asked a question i felt as if i was an alien and was also made to feel a failure once more for not breast feeding, even a cleaner who was in the room comented on me not wanting to breast feed?? over all i was made to feel like a huge burden and problem to the staff, i felt i couldnt speak up even when staff never washed their hands before touching my wound and not washing there hands when they left???? i ended up signing myself out after two days to go home to my loving husband (who cared for me better than anyone at the hospital) i then had the health visitor from hell who was a bit of a bully also, ive never had a problem speaking up for myself and usually didnt have self esteem problems, im a professional hard working person who has held down very stressful jobs, i know ive probably just been very unlucky and i know a lot of womans labours go down that road, but whats really shaken me up since my first daughter was born is how the health professionals have behaved.
would i look like a total crazy woman if i asked that when i go in to have my new baby due in 8 weeks and having an elective cs that i had it as straight forward as poss, no students, any staff that attends me to make sure their hands are washed etc etc. im just so worried that something will go wrong due to overworked staff etc, i would be really grateful for your thoughts on this matter,
kind regards

my appologies for this sounding a bit mixxed up and for going on a bit!! lol

no you are not being silly, all your complaints sound valid and your requests should be handled without you needing to ask!
Can you book in at another hospital? Consider a home birth? Independent midwife (not that you should have to!)
How far along are you? When did you give birth? Would you consider making a complaint?

I think it would be a great idea to request all those things.

Also, give the Supervisor of Midwives for your area a ring and see if you can have a debrief session with her. She will get your notes from last time and go through everything. You can ask questions and tell her all the issues you had with your care.

I had problems with my care first time round (so much so that I've hired an independent midwife this time) but they are nowhere near as bad as they problems you had with your care. I had a debrief as it was affecting this pregnancy and I went in and was able to go through everything. I found it a great relief. I made a complaint after my first birth and it helped me to know the mw has had no complaints since then and that everything I said in my complaint and a couple of things that came up during the debrief would get fed back to her too.

The supervisor also said that if I needed to transfer in during my labour (planning a homebirth) that my mw can call her and she will make sure that I get great care .

You have my complete sympathy I had a dreadful time the first time (emergency c-section). I was in a private hospital was bullied and made to feel like I was a nuisance and a wimp. They convinced my husband I was really bad at dealing with pain (whilst not letting me have any strong painkillers ie morphine)and they treated me really badly. I went on to have a second elective c-section thinking it would be more controlled but still had a pretty bad time overall (same problems occured as after first c-section but worse). However, the staff the second time around (nhs) were wonderful.

What I realise now is you can't beat a really good independent midwife who is there for you. I wish I had tried for a normal birth with and independent midwife and gone in as late in labour as possible. If it had gone to a section at least I would have had the independent midwife there speaking for me but would have given myself the chance of side-stepping the caesarean if all went well.