Absolutely terrified of giving birth naturally - how do I conquer this?

[mrsrawlinson]

OK, so I'm 11 weeks pregnant with DC3 and it's beginning to dawn on me that at some stage it's going to want to come out. All along I've been adamant that I wanted an elective CS rather than a VBAC. I've got a battery of reasons up my sleeve (not least that everyone I know who's had a natural birth has had a horrendous experience), and had myself thoroughly convinced that it was the right option for me. Anyway, last night I was reading an article in the NCT magazine that the midwife gave me about how to cope with the pain of childbirth, and I got really shaky, hot, palpitations and felt like I was going to pass out. It dawned on me that all these 'reasons' I'd come up with were actually just excuses to cover up the fact that my antipathy towards the prospect of a natural birth is bordering on a phobia. Now my dilemma is, do I give in to this fear and go with my instinct to accept the risks and just get an ECS, or do I try to get some kind of counselling to get over it? It's not that I see childbirth as some kind of essential female rite of passage or anything like that. I just don't particularly like to think that my irrational fears are controlling me. I KNOW that a natural birth is the best, safest option - how do I convince my daft brain that it's true? Even now, I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it!

sorry curry maid- yes you might not be able to have an epidural every time but there is nothing wrong with trying to give a woman who has pre birth nerves a bit of support. there are other options of pain relief out there. even if it doesnt relieve it all. and im not sayin that when you have a c-section you dont feel a sense of pride cause i have many friends out there who have had them and i 100 percent support them.

I am a mother of two and one on the way i am 8 weeks pregnant, and had one c section, and a natural delivery, the difference is with a natural delivery is that once you give birth the pain is gone once you hold your new baby, you wont even remember what it feels like, there are ways to control that pain,like gas and air, epidural, etc, with an epidural you have to pre book it, but sometimes what you want does not always workk out as i found out with my second child.
you can give birth naturally while having an epidural.
Having a section is good but you are laid up for for a while because its a major op not some thing you can just get up and go like a natural birth, the pain is still there for a while after cs.
mrsrawlins you have a long time to wait to worry about things like that enjoy being pregnant, and cause i know i will.

I had similar terror when pg with dd2 because of the experience the first time and i also don't feel like childbirth is some rite of passage.

in the end, I read Ina May Gaskin's 'A Guide to Childbirth' and decided on a home birth. If i hadn't read that book i would have probably gone for an elective because the first hospital birth left me terrorised.

a doula is also a v good idea.

I had my 5th 2 years ago. As the due date got closer I got more and more panicky at the thought of having to give birth. A fellow MNetter having her 6th said the same thing.

As it turned out mine turned breech and ended up as ELCS, which panicked me even more

I think it's the pgy hormones TBH.

Between you and me, you might be on to something there, Elvis. Though obviously, if DH had suggested such a thing I'd probably have kneecapped him...

I absolutely agree about Ina May. I had a terrible birth with dd but after reading her guide to chidbirth I really believed that it was nothing to be scared of, and I had a wonderful birth with ds

I have to say I totally DISagree about the Ina May book. I was given it by my midwife and never in my life have a wanted a more medicalised birth than after I read those stories.

I'm a first timer and I was terrified but through some fantastic ante-natal classes and talking about it honestly with other women I'm seeing how a huge chunk of the fear comes down to BELIEVING you can handle it. I'm not saying I want to have no pain relief or that I'm not still scared but I am starting to trust more that my body knows what to do and that I CAN do this. As soon as I realised that I can the whole thought of it got a lot easier.

what is this Ina may book and were can i find it? x

What did you dislike about the book? I thought it was fantastic, I loan it out to all my pregnant friends

Can I just say that when I first found out I was pg I thought CS, but the more I researched it (please look at all the home birth/waterbirth sites for inspiration even if you are not intending to go down that route)the more I realised you could have a truly amazing and wonderful birth experience.

I was unable to sleep throughout my pg so every night I read 100s of home/water birth stories which eventually turned my fears around.

I actually opted for a home/waterbirth and I had truly wonderful experiences, I went on to do it 4 times! I was given a hypnosis tape/dvd as part of the 'package'plus lavender oil to add to the warm, soothing water.

It was bloody hard work but the endomorphins really kicked in and gave me a 'high' which replaced any fear and an urgent intensity rather than pain.

Please check out these sites anyway.

I will, Wildflowers, thanks.

Steady on on poor Ina! We don't want another She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named situation, now do we?!

I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my first, am 18, and also have ME/CFS. I'm abolsutely TERRIFIED of giving birth naturally, whereas at the same time, the idea of a c-section really frightens me as well.

I've heard so many horror stories, which obviously scare me, but its more a fear for me of starting off with a natural birth to then develop complications and have to have an emergancy c-section. I'm so very frightened!

I keep looking at myself in the mirror, seeing how big I am already and how small my frame is - I'm 5'2, and although I do have quite wide hips, still not helping!

I dunno... Only struck me in the past few weeks "Oh my goodness, theres ANOTHER HUMAN BEING GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!", so maybe the idea of giving birth will settle into a less scary setting soon.

My ME means that I have a lower pain thersehold, but I'm also suseptable to anasthetic. I have issues with my spine, so an epidural would be quite possibly twice as painful as it would be normally. Feels like I'm buggered anyway!!!

Ahh sorry, rant over. Just really frightened about it...

Littlelamb - I could probably write a post on the Ina May book and my issues with it!

Mostly it was some of the "empowering" ideas:

• the woman who was struggling with her labour so they brought in another woman who had recently given birth. This woman stripped down to her knickers (and only stopped there because she was bleeding) and crawled into bed with the woman in labour where "belly to belly, breast to breast" they laboured together.

• the woman who threw away all of her 'silk dresses and high heels' because she wouldn't need them any more after becoming a mother.

• the woman who's labour wouldn't progress until she spoke out loud her fears about her relationship and her husband.

and finally - the woman who was begging for pain relief who was denied it and told that if she wanted it then she had to leave the borders of the Farm on her own and go to hospital.

To me denying a woman pain relief is like forcing her into an unwanted c-section - its not about empowerment at all and I don't know how I'm supposed to be empowered by the idea of another woman climbing into bed with me or having to discard my personality (dresses and high heels) just because I was becoming a mother.

I know several women who found it empowering but I also know several women who found it completely off putting!

Ah, I see how you would find some of these things disconcerting.

Ina May is as hippy as they come and so a lot of the women in the book are also v. hippy. I would suggest reading this as any other self help book with an awareness of the context of the writer and those in the book since it is a work of non-fiction and possibly more importantly with a consciousness of your lifestyle and understand that some of it will jar / grate against what you consider to be as normal.

Where in the book is the bit about the woman being told she would have to leave the borders of the Farm on her own? I can't remember that bit.

Can I say that I would find those comments disconcerting too? I am no hippy, did not need drugs in labour as warm water and a back massage plus being in my own surroundings took away all fear of what was going to happen. Erika, I feel for you but please read these sites I've mentioned too.

At the end of it all, you get to keep a darling little baby, the best gift to all that hard work. No 2 births are ever the same, and a traumatic experience does not condemn you to another one.

I'm sooo jealous you are going to have a baby! I would love to be in your shoes!

hi there, i too was petrified, as are most women due to give birth i think.
however i did it and it was absolutely fine.there was nothing terrible just an overwhelming feeling of achievement and joy.
i now be far more terrified if i thought i had to have a c-sec.i gave birth then went home a couple of hours later,it was an awsome experience.
please also bare in mind people's stories of birth tend to lean towards what a hero they were (ie) it was hell but i did it. so please try not to take to many horror stories on board, i did and i remember thinking as i was pushing...'' what were they talking about it's no way as bad as they made out''!
good luck and remenber giving birth is something we are naturally made to do.x

Gotta confess I suffer from panic attacks and my greatest fear about giving birth is experiencing a panic attack.

I have had to work things out in my own head to help myself prepare for the birth. I intend to pray a lot and listen to music and go to my 'happy place'. Just to think positively about the whole thing.

An NCT tutor has agreed to come round to my house and teach me breathing techniques which should help. But I mainly need my DH to be a bit more positive than he has been of late.

But don't be afraid, we live in an age which has made huge medical advances and there is so much more to offer expectant mothers and their babies, so you will be quite safe. Would you consider a home birth or midwife led birth in a birth centre? May help you if you are in a more homely relaxd environment?

Gromit78 - I suffer from Panic Attacks too (I have BPD) and I'm really worried about the same thing happening. Once a panic attack starts for me, it tends to turn into a physcotic episode, and that would NOT be a good plan.

My boyfriend keeps saying to me, "Stop panicking so much, hun, your body was designed to do this, so many people do it every day..." and sometimes it comforts me, and sometimes I want to throw something at his head...

For me, I guess, the ultimate fear is... Well, dying. Only realised in the past few days how real that fear is.

Have an elective caesarean. They're are terribly civilised, you can choose the date, morning or afternoon, waft in and be done and dusted in no time, and you get loads of nice drugs and no pain. What's not to like?

HypnoBirthing is amazing, not just for birth but for life skills, may sound pricey but worth it. Kristin Hayward in London also does private hypno for birth sessions if you don't want group classes.

Cheaper and very effective alternative - www.easybirthdownloads.com has lovely positive visualisations for birth, similar to natal hypno or hypnobirthing but very specific and very good value. You just select some downloads (Stress Release, Visualise Better Birth, Pain Relief, Quick Recovery + loads more), listen regularly and play again during labour, you'll really feel so much better (and so will anyone else who listens eg DH, and MWs love them too!)There's even a Positive C-section track in case you take this route.

Good luck, no need to be scared, if you're relaxed it'll be so much easier and your baby feels it's safe to come out safely, naturally and comfortably.

I talked to my midwife today about it because we had another ante-natal class last night that upset and scared me and I have to say I feel a million times better talking to her than I do about the class.

I think a huge part of this is trusting that my body knows what its doing - and its known what to do since conception and has grown this amazing baby so part of me is doing something right. She also leant me a book of birth stories which are pretty much every scenario you can ever imagine and so far I'm finding it more inspiring than the Ina May book.

I'm going to do my best to stay relaxed and handle what comes up - guess we really can't do more than that!

hullygully - My meidcal conditions mean I'm more suseptable to anesthetic, and even with an epidural there is some anesthetic involved... I don't know if I can.

Hullygully - I think I love you!

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