The next child after a not good labour

[LuckySalem]

Hi,

I may or may not be pregnant but either way this is something that is bothering me and I know I've started threads before but its still bothering me. So was after some advice.

I tried for a homebirth and labour progressed normally but baby got stuck and couldnt be pushed out. So blue lighted to hospital and emerg c/s.
I want a homebirth again as labour was lovely and barely painful while I was there and want this again. I'm worried i'll end up bluelighted again though or told I cant HB in the first place.

I was stuck in hospital for 3 days where I could only breastfeed from one side and was never told why, just that maybe I should try some ice.
I gave up BFing at 4mnths partly due to low supply but partly cos it felt wierd to breast feed the child (that didnt seem like mine but i'll get to that in a min)
Im scared that i'll give up again but am too embarassed to get my boobs out to get help.

I think due to the days in hospital and the C/s I didnt bond with my child till she was about 4 1/2 - 5 months old and I'm scared of this as well. I think I may have had PND but didnt want to admit it in case something happened and I'm a big NO against drugs of any kind.
So I'm worried about all this.

I'm sure there is more but this is all I can think of for now.

Thanks

hi

sorry to hear about your bad experience last time around. Can I just reassure you that it doesn't always hve to be like that. I had a similar unpleasant first birth (although luckily didn't end in CS) and problems with bf'ing, difficuly bonding etc. I couldn't even think about a second until my dd1 was almost 3. I got into a homebirth team in order to have a known midwfe with me at hospital as I honestly never though I coul ddo it at home but was very nervous about the birth ( I suffered an injury at the first one that is still with me to this day and wanted to ensure I had someone wth me who understood and could cope with that) - anyway, I had my second DD at home, in a hastily acquired and assembled birthing pool. It took about 3 hours, the birth was a doddle, she swam out...(at 10lbs I was shocked!) no tearing or anything, breast feeding went perfectly from day 1 and although I kept asking the midwide when it would go horribly wrong it never did

good luck, hopefully all will be fine

Oh dear, I didn't want this to go unanswered. I had a very similar experience, except I was in hospital and had a very long and painful natural delivery and not a C section. Similar problems with b/f and possible PND.

I am not pregnant. Sometimes I wish I was but mostly I really don't want to go through it again. We tried again for a while, knowing it was very unlikely (history of problems conceiving) and I think it was kind of a now or never thing. We haven't tried in months now.

It sounds like you're not actually scared of delivery per se, which is good (I am). Although breastfeeding is a great thing to do, you don't have to do it if it's not right for you, although you know there's tons of great advice on here.

I don't know what else to say. Part of me wishes I was in your position and possibly pg. Most of me is glad I'm not. I hope you get the result you want deep down and best of luck. I hope someone else much more helpful comes along soon.

Hi there - so sorry to hear about your last experience. I had a similar experience in that planned a homebirth, and ended up with a crash C/S under general with 2 weeks in SCBU after and all kinds of stuff going wrong. BUT I don't think I had PND, although bonding did take a good few months after all that stress anyway, which I think is pretty normal. I think its really good that you've considered that you might have had PND (or possibly post traumatic stress disorder? one is often confused for the other), as that's a major step to preventing it next time, or at least dealing with it as well as you can.

Have you tried the hospital's birth reflections service or similar? They can go through your delivery with you, which I found quite helpful as a first step to dealing with what happened and putting it behind me for this current pregnancy. Have you also talked to your DH/DP about this, as if you do have PND next time, it would be helpful if he can help to spot the symptoms and get you help (and it doesn't just have to be drugs).

As for what may or may not happen in your next pregnancy, who knows? The hospital probably won't be that keen on a home VBAC as its generally not 'procedure', but if you can show that you understand the risks, then they'll go along with it (that's been my experience) - indeed I think they have to. As I'm sure you're aware, the support you get on teh NHS can be hit and miss depending on who you see. It took me until about half way through this pregnancy to realise that I was looking at it all squew whiff (sp?!) and that there was no real reason to think it wouldn't all be fine this time, rather than worrying about the what ifs (especially as a 2nd baby, so typically easier....fingers crossed).

One thing that's really helped me this time is having an independent midwife - I know they are horrendously expensive, but we've decided to not have holidays for a few years etc - and to be honest its the best money I've ever spent on anything. Its taken all the 'what ifs' and stress away as I feel really supported and in the best hands whatever happens, and you might find it really valuable to build up a relationship with one midwife to talk through last time as well as much as anything - plus the after birth support might be helpful if you think you are prone to PND. Or a doula might be able to do much the same (but less expensive!).

Sorry for the ramble, hopefully some of its useful, but more than anything, just talking about it and thinking about it (and doing shed loads of reading!) helped me, over quite a few months, get to a place where I could be positive about giving birth again.

Hello - I also had a horrific first labour (induced at 42 weeks) and took a while to bond with DS1 so like you I was really apprehensive about my second labour - and in particular any ghosts of the first labour overshadowing it. I did a hypnobirthing course to help me put the ghosts of my first labour to rest and I'd really recommend it - was really cathartic - and hired a doula to make sure my wishes and space were respected (a cheaper option than an independent midwife I guess) and had a wonderful second birth 3 months ago - in birthing centre, 3 hours from waters breaking to baby in arms in pool, and breastfeeding established well.

My top tip is to do what you can now to help you deal with your first birth experience, whether its counselling, getting a doula, practicing hypnobirthing - and it will make you feel much more optimistic about your next birth experience.

Thanks for all these - Sorry I haven't gotten online before this.

An independant midwife is too expensive for us but i'll definatly look into a doula - although I was thinking of asking my mum to come into the room with DP as well? She's very good at voicing things whereas DP isn't cos he's too worried about whats right etc.

The actual labour and giving birth dont scare me at all its just the thought of what if I end up with a c/s and 3 days in hospital again that's what scares me.

Thanks those of you who have been there and done that (again) as it helps to know that one bad labour doesn't mean more of them.

Am 2 weeks late but taken a test this morning and negative so looks like I dont have to worry too much this month although I was going to see if I could read my notes.