Traumatic Labour - 36+

[Gini]

Has anyone else had a horrific labour? Mine last over 35 hours as my ds was posteria, he was eventually born "flat" (i presume that means dead?) and was placed in special care for over a week after suffering from several convulsions (he's okay now - thank god). I still feel v v angry and cheated by the whole experience. I resisted an epidural until about 33 hours and the whole experience has left me never wanting to have another baby, although in many ways I would love one as I know the rewards you get back, seeing my 5 month old laugh and giggle etc.

Mine was pretty horrific - about the same length of time, got all the way to end without any pain relief other than Tens and a bit of gas and air and little blighter would not come out - attempted vendouse, forceps and finally c-section. Luckily he was fine but I was exhausted and totally uninterested in DS for a few months. Only really started to bond properly when I went back to work at 6 months...

DS now 21 months and I'm due with number two in a month. Am I scared that it will all happen again ? Yes, possibility that as my problem was failure to progress in last stage history will repeat itself.

I tell myself that it is unlikely to be so bad next time - at least if there is a problem I will find out quicker!! But mostly optmistic, lots of good stories on Mumsnet about second births not necessarily being as bad as first.

hi gini, I also had similar labour, had contractions at home every 3 mins for 4 days (yes, no exageration). Went into hospital and they broke my waters to try and progress labour but it didn't work, ended up on the drip to speed up contractions, baby was stuck, also posteria (and quite large 9lb 13oz), had an epidural after about 15 hours in hosptial but it didn't work. Was prepped for a c-section, taken into theatre but they managed to get him out with ventouse.
Fortunately he was OK and I was lucky not to have the awful experience of him being in special care but I completely understand were you are coming from.
DS is 18months now and although I do want another baby it has really but me off, I was utterly exhausted and (like kaz33) didn't really bond with him for months - I didn't hold him for about 12 hours as they took him off to baby nursery so I could rest. It was horrible and so completely different to the experience I wanted (water birth, no intervention etc)

I suppose you just have to try and believe people when they say it will very likely be completely different next time as every birth is. I know what you mean about feeling cheated though.

Hi Gini ... I don't think you are alone here! I think you will find lots of mumsnetters willing to share their stories with you!!!!
I had a very long labour ... first contraction at 9pm on the Saturday baby born at 4am on the Tuesday ...
My problem was that I never got past 3cm on my own even though From Sunday evening until Midnight on the Monday night my contractions were every 2-3 minutes ... I was eventually given an epidural (I had resisted it for ages) as they wanted to hook my up to a syntocinon (sp?) drip and they said I would be too tired to cope. I was on the Syntocinon for 3 hours and only went to 4cm (they said I should have gone 1cm per hour) so they decided to give me a C-Section. My DS was a v. large baby 10lb+ and I do not have a large frame ... he had an enormous head which is why he wasn't putting enough pressure on as he couldn't get far enough down ... He was also posterior. I was in such a state of shock after it all that I didn't hold my little boy until he was 7 hours old ... in fact I don't think I really looked at him ...
I was grateful in the end for the fact that the c-section meant that he and I were relatively undamaged by the end ... BUT for a long time I felt robbed of the ability to give birth on my own ... I had failed in my eyes.
It took me 2 years to get round to thinking about having another ... but I only wanted another for DS' sake, and for DH's sake ... not mine. When I did get pregnant I was happy but not too excited by it all. I then lost that pregnancy at 12 weeks which knocked me for six and made me realise that I would do anything to have another baby ... for me ... not for anyone else. So that brings me to the present ... I am so hoping that I am now pregnant ... been posting on other threads about pregnancy tests at the moment.
Although I had that bad experience and I suffered from PND ... I would go through it all again if I had to.
If someone gave me a choice ...
I could have all the riches I ever needed ... nice car ... 1st class trips to see my folks once a year ... big house ... private beach ... perfect body ... cleaner ... etc etc
OR
I could have nothing but the clothes I was wearing and my little boy ....
I know which I would choose .....

Katie rocket ... I missed your post ... very similar to my experience without the c/section ... spooky!

It was good to hear about other peoples labour's - Although I wouldn't wish a bad one on anyone. Trouble is all the friends I know whith babies all had a good labour, and have very little to say on the subject!! They also have these lovely babies who sleep through the night and are as good as gold where I have a damien hild (as in the omen!) who is lovely all the while he's being cuddled!! And he has never given me a nights sleep yet! I wonder if it has something to do with being taken from me so dramatically (running down hospital corridors etc) that he feels the need to be near all the time?
Either way, I know what you mean Ghosty, I wouldn't trade him for anything - although its harder than I ever expected! Sorry to hear about you mc - I'm sure thinkgs will work out and you will get what you want soon - keep me posted!

Gini as you had a traumatic labour you might consider taking DS to a cranial oestopath - birth is pretty tough on the little blighters as well and things can get out pulled out of place. If he has specific problems such as sleeping, colic that might help. I took my DS at about 3 months for colic and it really helped it, also that was about the time that he started sleeping for about 5/6 hours at night. There is another current thread on that.

Another thing that might help are the wonders of a baby sleeping bag - they can't kick covers off and therefore wake up cold.

Also, have you thought about getting your hospital notes - just so you can review what happened in your own mind. Again there is another current thread.

Don't be too tough on yourself - 5 months ( even after an easy birth) on is very early too even be thinking about no 2. Wait until you are getting some sleep and your lives have fully adjusted to your new arrival - then you might feel very differently about having another one.

PS: If you look at the early signs of pregnancy thread you will see that Ghosty is hopefully pregnant

Gini ... I used to feel really jealous of anyone who had easy births .... it seemed so unfair. Why me? ... I was no good ... I had failed everyone etc etc ...
But I realised that had it not been for the c/section my DH could well have gone home eventually without a wife or a child ... harsh but true ...
Try not to let the nightmare of the birth of your baby eat you up inside ... I did for a long time and I think that was one of the reasons why I suffered from PND ...
I had counselling for a while ... when DS was 10 months old and it helped a lot to get his birth into perspective for me. Would that help for you do you think?

Kaz33 ... hope so ... oh I do hope so

I was thinking about getting my hospital notes and having a look, not too sure I'll like what I see though!
I went back to work when ds was 8 weeks old, I wasn't intending to when I had him but I think I was overwhelmed with it all, I really didn't think it would be as hard as it was! Having said that I left work (make up your mind girl!) about two weeks ago, took voluntary redundancy as I decided I wanted to be here for him and have obviously got over the intial shock.

As for cranial oestopath it is something I have been thinking of, also baby massage...thanks for the tip.

Fingers crossed for you ghosty, I will go and have a look at that thread.

I also went back to work Gini ... when DS was 4 months old ... although I hadn't planned to. In hindsight it was the best thing I did at the time ... to get back to being me.
I had to wait until DS was 2 before I could give up again ... but like you I had had the time to get over the shock by then and I love being a SAHM!

I too had a really similar labour to you, Gini, 36 hours, dd born flat, homebirth so transfer into hospital, didn't see her for 4 hrs, no room in SCUBA so transfer 10 hrs later to another hospital, 3 days there then back to local unit and another 7 days there. I spent a lot of time analysing what went wrong and getting upset about it, but now 17 months later I'm 17 weeks with baby no 2. This time it has to be better!!!

Also did baby massage - that was great, I got a lot more confident in handling him and he certainly enjoyed the skin on skin contact. Five months is a good time to do it.

The other thing you can do now is baby swimming classes - they are good fun, again good for handling baby and they get used to water ( very useful for bath time ).

I was looking at swimming and asked the HV - she said wait until he was 15lb (he's 13.4 at the mo) Do you really think I need to wait?

Congrat woodge

Gini - isn't it amazing when everyone else's babies are angels and you believe yours is the only one who casues problems? I found the same with dd - everyone would say things like 'oh my baby was no problem - hardly cried, slept through etc.' When a particular friend who's dd I remember being a complete nightmare told me she was no problem I realised that many people look back with rose tinted glasses and those who have babies the same age often would rather not admit to having problems! Just enjoy your baby and ignore what anyone else tells you!
I tried Cranial oesteopathly for dd who had colic - to be honest I am not sure if this really worked or she just grew out of it - worth a try though.

Gini - I took my son swimming when he was about 4 months and certainly before he was 15 llbs I'm sure as he is not a big baby. I can't see how it can do them any harm as you are with them all the time.

ghosty - out labours were very similar aren't they? the end of your post nearly made me cry (but then for some reason I'm feeling fragile today)

Gini - my DS had awful colic for 3 months and didn't sleep through until 8 months. You are not alone and I know how annoying it is when friends have 'angel' newborns that sleep through from 6 weeks - I would have been happy with sleeps more than 2 hours at a time at night!!
I'm convinced it was to do with his difficult birth. He went to a cranial osteopath from 6 weeks and although it was not a miracle cure, it did help.

Gini, I had a terrible terrible 1st labor (40 hours ending with c-section), but my second was absolutely wonderful. 5 1/2 hours with a perfectly normal vaginal birth.

Do ask for your notes. I asked for mine and it took almost a year to get them. Everyone kept telling me it was someone else's job. I found them very useful the second time around to show to midwives and consultants to make sure that I got the right treatment second time around. I had my second at a different hospital and they didn't have my notes from the first birth.

As far as swimming goes, my gp suggested waiting until my ds had had his second round of jabs. Yours at 5 months should be well past that. The only other thing to be careful of is the that the pool is a "warm" one. If you take proper swimming lessons they will only do infant ones in a warm swimming pool. Otherwise just ask to make sure that it is warm enough for a 5 month old. I did swimming lessons with my ds at 3 or 4 months and although I enjoyed it and he enjoyed it, he was really far too young to actually learn how to swim. Go, and enjoy, but don't expect to have mark spitz at the end of it.