How to debrief?

[lizzytee]

DD2 is now 5 weeks old and am still going over and over her delivery. DD1 was EmCS at 27+5 due to footling breech presentation but I did not experience anything like full blown labour although I was at full dilation.

In my second pregnancy, my care was consultant led due to prematurity and although I was clear from the outset that I wanted VBAC I felt frustrated that the docs just seemed to want to tell me all the reasons I might have another c/s.

DD2 was born by C/s due to OP deflexed presentation: I'd been pushing for two hours or so, blood gases weren't great, baseline heart rate 165 or so and ventouse didn't get her out, plus she went floppy 3 times in the hour after birth. I know I'd done most things possible to help her out: stayed upright and mobile, no epidural, great MW who was with me throughout, sensible DH and a birth supporter who is a community midwife (tho there as a friend). So why do I have this nagging feeling that I could have done more?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I don't have any damage to my perineum and that I have a healthy baby.....how do I deal with this, or is it just part of a normal birth experience to feel, well, complicated?

i thikn it can be a common feeling after an em c.s .. you can go through your notes with a MW, and the hospital might well have a birth afterthoughts service, or some such, you should call and ask.

from what you have said, you ccould not have done more, OP and deflexed is going to mean intervention of some sort, did you have any descent? if the ventouse did not work, then she was obviously high up and / or too stuck... so a c.s was the only outcome .

the fact it was beyond your control can sometimes make it harder, especially when you did everything 'right' and got to fully and pushing. it can seem very cruel to get that far, and then need a c.s

you did not have a normal birth experience, as it were.. you had lots of intervention and were probably quite concerned and stressed...

debriefing it should be helpful

your friend who was with you should be able to give you the reassurance too

Kind of my conclusions, Lulumama.....I'm comfortable with the interventions I did have(ARM - oh the relief..), CFM (understanding that I could refuse it was important, I thought it through and decided to accept it provided no-one attempted to strap me to a bed as a result). I had a catheter and IV fluids for the last hour or so but was still moving and upright (have to assume DH or my friend was hanging on to the other end!) But on the other hand I know both my MW and friend worked hard to keep the doctors away from me as long as possible.

I honestly think DD2 was stuck- she was low when labour started and had a pretty craggy brow once out, plus after a certain point I could tell she wasn't moving any further. I think I have just been taken aback at the number of people who have assumed I'm disappointed that I didn't just have an elective, or who have trotted out the "all that matters is a healthy baby" line. Perversely, I feel ashamed that I have not pushed out either of my babies....yet if I had to choose between a straightforward birth and a good breastfeeding relationship, the latter is more important to me.

Sorry for the essay, once started it doesn't stop.....thanks also for the very constructive suggestions.

you are welcome..

it can take time to come to terms with it all.. and you shoud give yourself time. hard to move forward and process your feelings when people say silly things to you though