Anyone had moderate to bad tearing with one birth, and then no tearing or very little the next? Or any ideas on how to achieve this?

[Astrophe]

I had quite bad 2nd degree tearing with DC1, then an episiotomy with DC2...and I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about DC3 (am 26 weeks).

Astrophe - i had a 3rd degree tear with my DS (8.14ibs) and am due my second in just over a week. like you i'm anxious about the whole thing. i have talked to DH about getting me to stop pushing when the MW says so hopefully he'll be able to get me to focus better this time.

i'll let you know in a couple weeks how it went!

Good luck purplemonkeydishwasher! I am feeling a bit more confident having read all these positive stories - thanks everyone. I see my MW again soon, so I will have a big chat about some of the ideas here with her.

One thing more - I actually found the tearing with DD worse and more painful (in terms of healing time etc) than the episiotomy with DS - but my MW was horrified that they had done an episiotomy on me saying "I haven't done one since the early 90s!" as if its were some ancient and barbaric practice. So now I'm not sure what to think or what to ask for. Does anyone know what is so wrong with episiotomies? Is it just that doing them routinely is a 'lazy' way out for the MW/doctor, as they should be focussed on managing the birth so as to not need one?

I had a 3rd/4th degree tear with DS (9'11 - elbow presentation), then a c-section with DD1, then a graze (!) with DD2 (9'5) 4 years after the tear.

I did lots of reading and was adamant that lying on my side would be the best position and that was how she came out.

I also stuck with gas and air and the TENs so that I was aware of what was going on.

they do say that tears heal better than episiotomies. but i think each situation is different so it's hard to say what's going to be best for each individual.

"I had a 3rd/4th degree tear with DS (9'11 - elbow presentation), then a c-section with DD1, then a graze (!) with DD2 (9'5) 4 years after the tear."

That is sooooo spooky, C22. I didn't have a dd, but I did have a 3rd/4th degree tear with DS (9lbs - elbow presentation), and then a graze with DS2 3.5 years after the tear!!!

(PS - doesn't 9'11 mean 9 foot 11 inches?! Mind you, 9 pounds 11 oz is eye watering enough!)

Sorry OP to answer your question, the only thing I did differently, was to drink serious quantities of raspberry leaf tea in the last 4 weeks.

I had stitches with DS#1. Had a tear with DD (no 2) that was so deep it left a tiny little flap after it healed - I can still just about feel it today. It couldn't be stitched as it was the wrong sort of tear - as if DD just dug her nails in as she came out

I had DS#2 with no tear but some minor grazes.

NQGU - he was measured as 62 centimetres (that'll be down to the tugging of the ventouse and forceps) so close enough to 9 foot 11 inches

If you want to follow in my footsteps (minus the DD) I'm having my 4th in approx 6 weeks so it wasn't soo bad .

I tore with both of mine but the first time it was really, really sore afterwards for about a week maybe longer. I think I had a lot of bruising and swelling too (although no stitches). The second time I also tore (2nd degree) and again roughly same size of tear (but on the opposite 'side' IYSWIM) and no stitches. Not sore at all - honestly - after about a day. It was great. Hoping for an intact perineum this time ......

astrophe - i just wanted to update you! I had a DD last week.

here is my birth story

i felt so much more in control this time. i knew what i had to do and had told dh that i really needed him to get me to focus. and i was really firm with the MWs as well so they knew what i wanted. i still tore a bit but nothing like last time. i was sort of reclining on the bed.

you can do it. trust yourself!