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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Does anyone know if midwife for antenatal will be the one to deliver?

8 replies

heartmoonshadow · 14/04/2009 09:50

Hi,

I apologise in advance long and whinney.

I know this is a dumb question because the midwife I see at the moment could be on holiday, off sick or just off rota but what is the likelihood that she will be the one to deliver my baby. I ask because I don't like her. She is a community midwife who I know is very experienced but I find her manner and aloofness off putting.

To give some backgrouond, the first time I met her I was very excited I had found out late (10 weeks) that I was expecting - which when you have been told you will never have children was a bit of a surprise hence the late detection - I thought he was a stomach bug! Anyway I asked a couple of questions as you do and she just said 'we can discuss them later after your scan if the baby is viable'. I thought this was a horrid way to treat a new mum. Anyway at 16 weeks I went to see her and she was on holiday I had a lovely locum midwife who took time and care explaining everything I wanted to know.

I went again for a 25week appointment and there was a male student doctor in the room, she did not ask if I minded him being there and proceeded to discuss me as though I was not there. 'This is xxxx and she is under obs care as well as mine because she is overweight. She will have problems because of this and we have to check her extra carefully hence all the appointments she has got.' She made me feel like I was a pain in the neck to her and when she took my blood pressure and looked at my ankles and stomach she was very sniffy and surprised that all was normal, she said 'that is likely to change as she (not my name) gets further on'.

She even said to him - 'come over and have a feel of the baby' which he did and to be honest this is when he introduced himself and asked if I minded - she just rolled her eyes and tutted!

I also felt put out that my questions were answered with one word scornful answers as though I should not dare to ask them.

The only ggod news I have is that she is off for my next appointment so I may get someone nice. At my next I am due to have bloods taken but the following day I have a GTT and I don't wish to be like a pin cushion. I asked her if I could just get the hospital to run my routine bloods alongside the GTT and she begrudgingly said I suppose so, then proceeded to write on my notes - bloods must be taken at 28 week appointment.

I really really don't like her and I don't want her at my birth - I can't say no at the surgery because she is the only one assigned to this area (I live in the sticks) but surely I can request not to have her at the hospital - I have visions of her telling me to shut up and ignoring my requests for pain relief she seems that type of person.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
savoycabbage · 14/04/2009 09:57

My first baby was delivered by 'my' midwife but I think it was a coincidence.

My second dd was born on a busy night and I did not have a midwife AT ALL until the baby was crowning. I would have been happy with anybody to help me. Student, male midwife, someone aloof....I would not have cared.

My sister gave birth in hospital with her husband and the ward cleaner! There were no midwifes at all. After she gave birth, there was a shift change and the cleaner managed to get a midwife who had come in a bit early. My sister has just had her third baby a few weeks ago. She hired a private midwife for £3000.

IwishIwasmorechocolatey · 14/04/2009 09:59

If she's a community mw and you're planning on delivering in hospital, I'd be extremely surprised if it's the same mw.

heartmoonshadow · 14/04/2009 10:21

Thanks IwishIwasmorechocolatey I am soooo glad you think this as I am wound up enough about giving birth let alone with that dragon about!!!

OP posts:
Reallytired · 14/04/2009 12:30

Even if you are planning a home birth and you wanted to have her at your birth its most unlikely.

I like my community midwife, but she told me that her on call day is Thursday. If I give birth on a different day then I will have a different midwife.

Even then it depends on the midwife's shift pattern. Midwives do have family and homes to go to.

MegBusset · 14/04/2009 12:48

I should think it's very unlikely that your community mw would happen to be at the hospital at the moment you gave birth.

Have you considered hiring a doula for the birth? They could help ease your anxiety and 'speak up' for you while you are otherwise occupied...

lynniep · 14/04/2009 12:56

My community midwife never works in the hospital. she purely does the local surgeries. Which is just as well as I don't really like mine either (she had a very dismissive and casual response to the news that my DS was an undiagnosed breech and was extremely ill for the first week of his life) and I'm seeing her for the first time (for this pregnancy) on Friday.

Like you I can't change my midwife as I'd have to change surgery, which is too difficult (because she works all the local ones) and inconvenient for me.

I really feel for you - I don't think mine is as rude and uncaring as yours sounds, but DH has said he'll come home on Friday afternoon so he's there when she comes. He's not happy I have her again either!

needsomesleepplease · 14/04/2009 22:05

Never mind being at the birth - i would be looking for a change in MW just now for your AN appointments. I know you said you live in the sticks but that does not mean you have to put up with that.

If i were you i would put in a complaint - you are not just a number you have feelings she has no right to make you or anyone feel like that especially when this should be a happy time. or your other option is to ask for your AN care to be transfered to your hospital, I had all my care at the hosp with my first as it was closer to my work and i was still working full time, so even though it is prob futher for you to go it might be worth it?

Linnet · 14/04/2009 22:18

I never saw a midwife for my antenatal appointments I always went to see my GP.

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