I have no-one to care for DD while I give birth

[Benjy]

I am having an elective section and will probably give birth around 17 August, unless i go into labour naturally beforehand.

My mum died a couple of years ago. I have a sister but she lives about 200 miles away, has a young family of her own and, if the section is arranged for 39 weeks, she will be out of the country at this point.

I have a terrible relationship with my in-laws. They spoilt the first few days after DD's birth for me and I really don't want them there. I can't stress enough how much I don't want them involved.

DD is only 8 months. She will be 13 months when DC2 is born. She has never been apart from me and I am worried about how she will cope with the separation. She is quite a clingy baby.

I have made a good mum friend since having DD but she is moving (emigrating) in May so I can't ask her to look after her, as planned.

I am really worrying about this and have no idea who I could ask to care for her. I hate the thought of her being left somewhere she hasn't been prepared for and becoming distressed. I know lots of other mums but not well enough to ask them to do this for me.

I am going out for a while now so I won't be able to reply straight away.

Also agree that someone you may feel you don't know very well might be very happy to help. I did this for a woman who had moved to the uk from abroad and knew no one. We looked after her 18m old for the day, starting from 4am when I went over to her house before she and her husband went to the hospital. We became very good friends.
Unfortunately she has moved again now, which is a shame, as I could do with her to return the favour! I'm now pg with no.2, and in a very similar position. Very worried as DD was born extremely quickly, so really small window of opportunity to get someone to come and look after her. Am considering a home birth! (realise that's not an option for you)
I hope you get something sorted so you can feel happy you have a plan in place.

Message withdrawn

I am in a similar situation. I do have more people around, but I am due next week and have no idea when the birth will happen. If it happend this week or at a weekend then I am OK for people really. But my sister has to go back to uni at the weekend (about 2 hours drive and she had a car crash a few weeks ago so now has no car), everybody else I know works full time and not the sort of job they can just leave.

FIL said he would come down as long as he can get out of work but again he would be about 2 hours.

MIL is around but like you - I REALLY don't want her to do it. I don't trust her in the slightest and she is so harsh with DD - if she gets upset she would just shove her somewhere - outside in a buggy or in a travel cot and leave her there. Honestly, I think she would be just as safe if I left her home alone! Everybody keeps telling me to leave her with MIL just this once, but even the thought of it makes me feel sick and I would rather give birth alone than do that. It wouldn't bother me toooo much if she had her for a couple of hours during the day, at a time where DD would be happy and not tired as she would play with the other children she looks after and would be fine. Any more than that though and I would be very worried about her the whole time.

I definatly think that as you are having a planned section you have the ball in your court and have much more scope with childminders and babysitters. I would maybe get in touch with both. A childminder is cheaper and usually great in the way of having other children for your DD to play with etc but a babysitter would be better for overnight as she can come to your house. Maybe your DD could start going to a childminder for one morning a week and you could have the odd night out with the babysitter having your DD? You then have 2 options for when you go into labour and if you are needing care for more than one day your DD could go to the CM for the day and then be collected by the babysitter?

Have you now managed to sort something out? I live within walking distance of Greenwich and would happily help if I could. Also one of the girls on my NCT class used a Doula who she was very happy with. I could get hold of her details if you need them.
Best of luck.

this is only an idea ,but how about finding a female birth partner and getting dh to look after dd ?