Home Birth (sorry, long!)

[WideWebWitch]

There are a couple of other home birth threads but none are recent so I thought I'd start a new one. I'm not due until November so I know I have plenty of time to make my mind up about this and the whole birth issue (and who knows, it may be out of my hands due to my health or the baby) but since it's already come up with my family I'd like some advice if anyone can help. I had a home birth first time round with ds, who will be six when this one is born. It was 8 hours with gas and air, no stitches, placenta delivered fine, everything OK. Hurt like hell but there you go. I was happy with my decision at the time and all ended well.

However, I was living in London then and we were roughly 15 minutes away from a hospital. This time I'm 20 miles away on country roads and although there's a cottage hospital 5 mins away I doubt they could cope with anything major, like an emergency c section.

My mum, my sister and Dp's mum have all said "oh you're further from a hospital this time, don't do it, it's DANGEROUS" and dp's mum threw in that she'd read recently that they won't let you have a home birth if you're older (I'm 36). I soon put her right on that since when I did it last time it was every woman's right to give birth at home if she wanted to and I assume it still is (unless the law's changed), so I told her so. I also managed to tell my mum that statistically a planned home birth is as safe as hospital birth (although I said it really childishly and might as well have stuck my tongue out and said nurr afterwards!). I've got 'Home Birth' by Nicky Wesson somewhere and Mears recommended another book on the other thread which I think I'll also get.

But my concerns are:

• I'm 6 years older. Does it make me less likely to be OK? Surely dp's mum is talking rot about my not being 'allowed to'?
• Does the distance from hospital matter? How often is speed of the essence? I have one friend who said recently 'well, if I hadn't have been in hospital I'd have died you know' (she had a retained placenta and PPH). I actually am more scared this time. I was blissfully ignorant last time and just trusted that my body would do it (bit of a hippy at the time I think, sort of) and luckily for me, it did. This time I'm far* more aware of what could go wrong and far more worried about it.
• Does the fact that I was OK first time mean that I am quite likely to be OK this time? I know no-one can say for sure about any of it but still.

All these comments have dented my confidence and made me think I am possibly being selfish and maybe I should just go to hospital since it's 20 miles away. DP will support me whatever I do but I am scared!! I haven't spoken to a midwife yet but I gather they're generally supportive of homebirth in my area (it was the highest level of homebirth in the country at one point but I don't know if it still is) so I don't forsee a problems there.

BTW I didn't ask ANY of the family above for their advice, they asked me what I thought I would do about childbirth, I told them, and all their advice was unsolicited! My mum was even there when ds was born and spent the next 3 weeks telling anyone who would listen how amazing home birth was (having disapproved previously that time too). Sorry this is so long but it's really been p***g me off.

Is there anyone who had an ok home birth first time and changed to a hospital the second time round out of fear? Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any words of wisdom or experience anyone can offer.

Lil - you are ignoring the fact that there are risks inherant in having your baby in a hospital. You could say - why would anyone expose their vulnerable newborn baby to the sometimes untreatable infections that are endemic in our hospitals today, when they could instead choose to give birth to that baby in the relatively infection frre environment of the family home?

Did you study all the studies done comparing the safety of your family car with other cars on the market? And also ALL the studies comparing the comparative safeety of the car seats - they are not all the same after all.... Did you then make sure that the car and seat you have are the VERY safest on the market? We all take risks - the question is you have to be aware what risks you are taking and what risks you are avoiding, and be happy in your mind that the exchange is worthwhile. Nothing in life is completely safe - not even giving birth in hospital.

Lil, the point is that it's a woman's right to choose where she gives birh. It's her decision.

Further down the thread, I posted some statistics. Try reading them the other way:
You are 50% more likely to end up with a caesarean section with a hospital birth
Your baby is 50% more likely to be born in poor condition after a hospital birth
You are 5 times as likely to contract a postpartum infection after a hospital birth
You are 50% more likely to have an instrumental delivery in a hospital birth
You are more likely to have excessive blood loss after the birth

So why on earth would someone want to have a hospital birth when it has all those risks attached??

As it happens I would However, I wouldn't dream of imposing my choice of a hospital birth onto every woman and I would hope that pro-home birthers would impose their choice on me. What happened to your friend is tragic, however it is extrememly rare. Pregnancy and birth are full of risks. A birth with every bit of medical expertise at hand can end in tragedy whereas a unplanned birth in, say, a car park with no medical attention can end in joy.

Incidentally, the stats above are not skewed by high risk pregnancies being included in the hospital birth stats - I was sceptical and checked.

As with so many of these issues it is down to personal choice in the end - same with pain relief, colour of car, flavour of crisps etc! I only opted forhome as I had an unpleasant experience first time around and wanted the chance to know my midwife and avoid intervention if it was unnecessary.

Glad to say it worked out fine for me but I understand the concerns voiced by others

Lil - you say " I guess I can't understand why a mother would take that risk, for the sake of soft lighting and a duvet!!! "

1. There are risks in everything we do... there is nothing the doctor could do... and the baby died - in this case it made no difference whether home or hospital and in some cases baby die in hospital from things they could not have died from at home. In countries where home birth are more common... they are statistically safer!
2. homebirth has a lot more to do than just soft lighting and a duvet..... please !

Lil, I had a fairly tough time last time and both my dd and I were in a fairly bad way at the end of my labour. I wont go into to all the gory details because it would take too long to describe however by the time I came to push my dd's heart was stopping and she was born slightly blue. So why on earth would I now consider a home birth?... because I feel that its because of the way I was treated in the hospital that led to us being in such a poor state at the end of it. I was pumped full of drugs without being asked/informed, I was dumped in a corridor when they decided they hadn't got room for me (but not allowed to go home because I'd been induced). Christ I even remember being told I was being a "naughty mummy" because they couldn't stop contractions that they had induced and send me to bed. My gas and air were removed and my dh told to go home because it was now bed time. I remember being shunted onto a ward full of women getting ready for bed and being told to shhh - all because the delivery suites were full and they didn't know what to do with me. (I was 5 inches dilated by this time). ( this is only some of the things that happened!) No one bothered talking to me, my dm or my dh and at the end of it I was stressed out of my mind. I'm sure my story is not the exception however I came to the conclusion that I (and more importantly my dd) would probably have been better off at home. Remember, at any point I can change my mind and go into hospital but I didn't feel I could make the reverse decision once in hospital.

I need to do more research on this and definitely need to talk to some midwives because I certainly wouldn't want to do a long labour on only gas and air so possibly its not the right thing but I did not like my previous experience.

www - just to put my penny in the pot, I had my 2nd (and 1st) at home, both were straight forward, with the 2nd labour being very similar to the first, with the exception of taking about 1/2 the time. I was very happy with my decision for a HB, both were brilliant, but one thing I did think about / slightly wish for was the chance to have complete rest. My dh is great and kept telling me to rest, but I found it difficult to 'turn off' if my dd1 wanted/needed something. Having support is key. Whatever you decide, hope you have a wonderful experience.

During my home birth I had 2 small canisters of gas and air which I didn't start to use until 7 hours before my dd was born. (I had already laboured for 29 hrs). The 2nd had a leaky valve and ran out 10 minutes after it was started leaving me to do the rest of the labour with nothing (approx. 2 1/2 hrs). I don't why the midwives didn't send for more as I know a friend had loads delivered during her home birth. What I ended up using which the midwife had recommended was clary sage essential oil in a massage oil base. We put this on my arms and I would take a deep whiff of it. My contractions really slowed down towards the end and the CS oil actually would give a strong contraction everytime I sniffed it. I'm definately going to have this ready for the next one, it was fantastic!

Wills, it sounds like you had an awful hospital with unsympathetic staff - if that's your only alternative I can understand why you want a homebirth!! Having said that though, either way the birth experience must depend a lot on the midwives whether they are at home or in a hospital.

Soupdragon of course its a woman's choice!! I am not 'anti' homebirths, they just wouldn't suit me. Thinking about it now though, one of the joys of having my babies was bringing them home. It was just so exciting. If I'd had them at home, like Jennifer I would have been all to aware of housework, ds1 and would have found it hard to maintain the 'cocoon of just baby and me' that I had at hospital. Yes the food was crap, and the cleaning dubious but it felt so far from my normal life at home, that's what made it feel so special.

am I the only one here who liked hospital?!

I wish I had the courage to have a home birth. I absolutely loathed hospital both times. I just found it noisy, dirty, hot, completely under resourced and generally extremely unpleasant. It would be so much nicer to be at home and have somebody around to help. This time my plan is to go straight home from the delivery room, thus avoiding the ward altogether.

Lil, had to laugh at 'just baby and me'. In my case: and 3 other new mums and their newborns (lustily crying) and 2 pregnant women being continuously monitored (with beeps), one woman in labour who had to be rushed (on her bed) to the delivery suite at 3am, midwives bustling to and fro, the woman trying to persuade us to have the babies' photos taken at great expense and from 12-8pm, huge numbers of partners, parents, friends, toddlers, extended family, mostly talking in different languages.

I actually quite liked my hospital visit - it was a special time with dd, even if I didn't get any sleep. But it was good because I had great care from my midwives and because dh and I were excited about dd (well, between 12 and 8, the rest of the time I had to be excited on my own). I could definitely have had that, and much more at home.

I feel hugely sorry for your friend and her experience, but in the case of a normal full-term baby, I think it is really unlikely that the time taken to wait for an ambulance will make any difference to the outcome.

Lil, I loved hospital too.
Hats off to anyone who has a homebirth though.

bells2 - good luck with your plan to go straight from the delivery ward home - if I could be sure I would be "allowed" to do that I would consider a hospital birth in the future but as I've had to fight tooth and nail to get out of hospital each time, if there is a next time I'll save myself the bother and not go in in the first place.

Another vote for home births - I've had four in hospital - with each successive one I've promised myself it would be better the next time - but it hasn't.

I know it won't be easy but I am determined. Both times I felt great immediately after giving birth but 12 hours later after no possibility of any sleep and nobody to even hold the baby while I go to the loo, I felt utterly exhausted. Never again!.

Bells, I did that with dd2, gave birth at 2am and at home by 10am (would have left a couple of hours earlier but had to wait for paed to come on duty to check her over before "allowed" to go). It was absolutely great but I didn't have 2 other little ones waiting for me at home!!

They can't force you to stay.....
If you had no problem and baby is fine... just say, I am leaving in 2 hours I do not plan to go to the postnatal ward! Thank you!

In my area of work, women can go straight home from the labour suite whenever they feel ready - they do not have to wait 6 hours. Some have left after 2. Depends what the woman wants - that is paramount.

I've been kept in twice because they wanted to do 24hr observations due to meconium in the waters. I've started another thread on this, as it annoyed me so much and wanted to know if other hospitals did the same. See "meconium in the waters"!

I loved having a hospital birth Lil! My experience has to be the complete opposite of Wills (which sounds horrendous). I had my own massive room (not private every women does) from when I went in to the hospital until I left 3 days later. It was also ensuite with a bath, shower etc. It was also exceptionally clean. The midwives were fantastic - helpful and not intrusive and very determined that I would have no intervention with the second stage of my labour (I didn't). I was often left on my own with dh just to get on with it, which suited me fine. Any problems I just had to buzz and a midwife was there helping me eg positioning for a feed, nappy changes. My meals were delivered to me and were actually quite nice. I also enjoyed having that time completely on my own with dd once she was born and only having to entertain visitors for visiting time only.
It was so enjoyable I am really looking forward to going back into hospital for my next birth. But I suppose that is because I feel I am getting all the conditions that I feel a home birth gives you plus the added bonus that I don't have to worry about cleaning my house or having the dog sniffing around!!!
I think my community midwife was a bit upset though that I didn't want to consider a home birth as they are very pro home births in this area.

Hi

When I had DS2 I felt I knew myself enough and was more assertive about how I wanted the birth to go.

I told the midwife that I was only coming into hospital for the drugs (I'm an epidural kind of person) and after a shower, if the DS was fine, I was going home.

DS2 was born at 11am and we were home by 2pm.

They were fine about it and I was reassured that if something had gone wrong I was in hospital. But also I am worried about hospital germs and wanted us both home with our own germs as soon as poss.

For me this was the best solution. We were in our own bed within 4 hours of his birth.

You can sign yourself and your baby out at any time.

I had a slight row with the nurses and said "is this my baby, is he ill?" they said "yes, no" so I signed an "against medical advice" disclaimer and left.

PP, did you notice that this thread is over 7 yrs old?