best time for birth debrief?

[bababelle]

I had a traumatic emergency CS 16 months ago (failed induction, foetal distress, messed-up epidural during labour (was given the theatre dose when I should have been given a top-up of the pain control dose), theatre delivery totally spoilt by anaesthetist re-explaining protocols to his junior over my head as DD was born, and distressingly poor postnatal care leading to baby's readmission for feeding problems 5 days after discharge. In the event both I and beautiful DD were fine afterwards.
My antenatal teacher advised me to have a birth debrief before having another baby and I agree with her that it would be a good idea. We're not planning to have another imminently but I am feeling generally much calmer about the whole thing now there is a little bit of time between me and the event! So my point is is this a good time to go for the debrief ie in between babies or would I be better advised to wait and have one as part of antenatal care during another (potential) pregnancy? Views and experiences anyone? I might add that the mat ward where I had DD is due to close in the near future so not sure whether to go for it while the notes and the attending midwifes are still easily accessible.

Hello bababelle, sorry to hear of your experience. I had a rubbish experience last time as well (although obviously very happy that me and DD were both eventually fine). I went in to the hospital's 'birth reflections' service for a debrief a few months after DD was born (maybe 3-4 months? can't remember precisely). I would definitely go as soon as you can rather than wait any longer, as it will be more fresh in your mind and theirs, and especially before they shut down! I would take DH/DP if applicable as well, as I know my DH found it useful, and the midwife at the debrief said that the DH/DPs often find it more useful than the women.

However, I wouldn't expect it to lay all the ghosts to rest in one go, more just a helpful start along the road. I found it helpful to through the experience again (but quite emotional), but didn't get 100% of the answers I wanted (but I don't think there are answers to some of my questions, its just taken me a while to realise that).

Its only now, that I'm pregnant again and considering options for the birth this time round, that I think I'm finally laying all the ghosts to rest. I would also ask for a copy of your notes, so you can have a good read through at home and use them next time you're pregnant to help inform your decisions. It might be harder to get hold of them in the future if they are closing.

Hope that helps

I would have it done sooner rather than later. I didn't have a birth debrief until I was having DD2 in a different hospital. I took my notes from DD1's birth with me when I saw the senior midwife antenatally and it was only then that I had someone tell me that actually I was right and that the treatment that I'd been given wasn't appropriate. I'd had counselling beforehand, but the counsellor had (quite understandably) thought that the treatment that I'd had had been traumatic for me, but necessary for the health of DD1. Then we had to go through it all again to deal with the fact that I'd been right but no one stood up for me!

The other things that I'd add is that it's highly unlikely that you'll go through your delivery notes and it will heal the trauma. It's a great first step, but these things do take a long time to heal properly. I ended up having counselling to enable me to get pregnant again, then more counselling to get me through the pregnancy! In the end, I had a difficult but non-traumatic delivery with DD2 and I have finally put that issue to bed. It's worth asking your GP for a referral to a counsellor if you feel that you need professional help - I had mine on the NHS as I was really messed up physically and emotionally.

I would do it sooner rather than later too. I had a pretty traumatic time with DS1's birth and complained - I had a birth debrief meeting with the head of Midwifery services at the hospital when DS1 was 4 months and it was still fresh enough in my mind for me to remember what I wanted to go through and to make my points in a clear and coherent manner but far enough after the event for me to be able to discuss it without breaking down completely. I was right - alot of the treatment I was given was not appropriate. I really wouldnt have wanted to relive the experience when I got pregnant with DS2 last year - having had the meeting/debrief after DS1's birth, I felt I had closed that chapter and was ready to move on and treat DS2's birth as an entirely new experience and enjoy the pregnancy without worrying about the birth (and it was a lovely pregnancy and wonderful birth - it was wonderful and totally different to DS1's birth, though I did go to a different hospital as had lost all confidence in the first hospital). Good luck.