I know I'm being hormonal but please can someone tell me it's not going to be like last time <<handholding required>>

[WhatFreshHellIsThis]

I'm 39+3 today and really want to deliver this baby naturally - had failed induction and em cs at 40+15 with DS (apparently his head wasn't positioned correctly), and then a termination at 20 weeks which involved enormous doses of mefipristone to bring on labour.

Tried to explain to my consultant that I felt very unconfident about my body's ability to go into labour naturally, given my two previous labours. His response was 'Well some women just don't, that's why we're here' Well thanks for the reassurance.

Am increasingly sick of all the comments and questions every time I go out 'aren't you big!' 'any twinges yet?' 'has it dropped, still looks very high to me' 'any news?' and am increasingly at risk of snarling 'Feck Off!' at anyone who makes another inane comment.

Am petrified it's going to be like last time and I'm going to sit and sit and sit and sit and get more and more cross and upset and hormonal and then have to go for an elective cs at 40+12 (not having another induction no way!).

Maybe I just don't 'do' labour? I feel broken.

Someone tell me it's all going to be ok, I've spent most of today crying about it.

(p.s. please don't tell me to get a doula/independent midwife/read books etc - it's all very helpful advice and I know it would be kindly meant but I've read EVERYTHING and made my birth choices.....I just want the chance to get ON with it naturally and need to let off steam )

Sorry for rant.

I know, and I know I'm being rubbish, I just don't seem to be able to get it in perspective.

That's absolutely right.

And you've already answered your own question "I just want the chance to get ON with it naturally and need to let off steam " - keep it natural, refuse interventions, accept that this baby really will come when ready and accept that your body DOES know what to do, given the opportunity! Loads of women take at least 42 weeks before going into labour and I'm sure you know that you're not technically overdue till 42+1. The reason your termination took so long to get going is because your body hadn't had the normal peparation for it. Which is why so many inductions fail I suppose.

You will be FINE! Give yourself a break, your body didn't fail you.

Is an el-CS what you would like? If so, I would have thought you'd have good grounds to request one before 40+12 given your history?

I have never been into labour naturally either and can thoroughly empathise. No advice, though, sorry.

Induced first time just because DS was so overdue - we held out till 40+15 but then went for the induction.

When we had the cs the obstetrician said she reckoned his head wasn't in the right position to press on the cervix correctly, hence no labour. He was definitely cooked though, his skin had gone all flaky and the placenta was starting to deteriorate.

I'm doing everything I can - sitting on a birth ball not on the sofa, walking briskly every day, twiddling nipples, eating spicy food, haven't tried sex yet though, mostly because I keep weeping instead

Have negotiated about cfm, consultant has written in my notes that they'll reach a compromise with me based on clinical situation.

Just remember trying all these things with DS and nothing worked

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today. And DS is acting up worse and worse every day, turning into three year old demon...

sorry x posted, was agreeing with Starlight about the induction having failed.

Sorry, didn't read the first line of your post properly. I see you don't want a CS if it can be avoided. Sorry.

thank you for nice messages - mrsgboring I don't want a cs but sometimes I feel like just throwing in the towel and saying feck it, I can't do this, let's have a cs. poo.

You're not being rubbish at all.

There is a degree of expectation regarding childbirth - the whole notion that this is what we're designed for & it should all go swimmingly & without problems. It's easy to get caught up in thinking that when that doesn't happen that it's somehow your fault.

Remember that every birth experience is as individual as every mother / baby combination - just because things have been difficult twice before doesn't mean that they will be again. It's a new pregnancy, a new birth & maybe this time you'll get that easy, trouble-free experience. It's not necessarily that your body can't labour 'properly' - just that it hasn't so far.

& if you don't have that great experience, then it's going to be frustrating - particularly the wait, I know. But you have a choice this time. You have chosen that, in those circumstances, you will have an elective CS. Which is a much calmer, less traumatic experience than an emergency CS, & more controlled than an induction.

I know it's not your first choice, but you can still have a birth plan for the secondary option & have a say in what happens & how. & at the end of it, you'll have a beautiful new baby - & that's going to be worth any of the other rubbish.

How about giving acupuncture a go? I was only just over a week over with dd1, so not in your boat really, but the labour was completely ineffectual and didn't go well really. With dd2 I had acupuncture which was aimed at helping to kickstart things near the due date, and she arrived bang on due date aided by very efficient contractions. Obviously I have no way of knowing whether the acupuncture helped or not, but you never know!

Rant away!

I don't have help to add sorry but wanted to say snarl away at those who say stupid things- we all got stupid comments when pg and massive and I wish I had snarled back. Also this will sound impossible but you just have to visualise it all going well not visualise it all going badly. If you can possible try to.

Cheesy bit alert- It is all going to go OK because you are going to get a brand new baby at the end of it, and wow! that is the most amazing thing.

And I love your name.

Not many of us running anywhere at 39+3 starlight I don't think I had moved at speed for many months!

I was induced at 42+5 with ds1, luckily it worked and I had a straightforward delivery, but I had had no signs of imminent labour with him and the mw said my cervix was still very thick and posterior.

DS2 - waters went on his due date (3am) and he was born at 5.05pm the same day. Again I'd had absolutely no signs of labour being about to start.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the same happens for you

xx

Thank you all for lovely messages - sorry, had to go and put the small demon to bed! Am fervently hoping that him being more and more clingy and cross means he's picking up hormonal vibes, same with the weeping on my part....

I am getting stronger BH every day but they get worse every night and I think 'maybe tonight' and then by morning it's all disappeared and I wake up disappointed.

Thank you for acupuncture suggestion - am having reflexology which I love and seems to but maybe I'll give acupuncture a go as well. Am also pressing an acupressure point on my leg (spleen 6?) so if anything my body is probably hopelessly confused and overwhelmed!

DP has just come home and made homemade chips (proper ones) and peas and ham so am going to go and stuff my face xxxxxx

I have recently had a baby (3 weeks ago) and I was expecting the labour to be the same (was terrified as my prev birth had a shoulder dystocia) but it was totally totally different experience (terble the length of time than other two!)

please try not to worry - I know you say you don't want a doula but the best thing I did was have one with me this tme (and last time) - this time, specifically to your situ, I think she was the difference between my labour progressing and delivering naturally and having a failure to progress as contractions were sooooooo erratic and stopped at one point. she was amazing, couldn't have done it without her, would so recommend one, if you had time to arrange.

good luck! bet you're back posting on here soon about your amazingly fast and easy birth!

Ds - I was induced at about 38 weeks, took 3 days 24hr labour failed ventuese, finally had a forceps in theatre in case it didn't work ready for an emergency cs.

DD 2 years later at 37.1 weeks Waters broke about 6 in the evening and she was born 4 hours later, without any pain relief either.

oh, and ps - I have always been s high people have said I'm not ready to drop....the head doesn't engage until labour starts in subsequent pregnancies anyway

WhatFreshHell, no advice, I am sorry, but thought a positive story would mayby/hopefull help:

DS1 was induced at 10+15, labour all night, epidural in the morning, synto thereafter, emCS theatened, but in the end he did pop out himself.
DS2: emCS at 31 weeks due to placenta praevia.

Then (drum roll):
DS3: went into labour at 40+13, no drugs, from first contraction to babe in arms 6 hrs. V v happy me !

I appreciate every set of circumstances is different and you have not (YET!) delivered vaginally, however it CAN, and often does, happen.
Also I agree with above posters, your induction failed, not you, or your body. Do not get ahead of yourself if you can, worrying about something that may never happen. Also, IMO, think about how you'd feel if it did come to CS NOW and try and be positive about that, too.
I count myself lucky that I had a supportive consultant who was not at all about me wanting to have a VBAC.
Oh, and the evening before my labour started I had been holding DS2 whilst he was learning to ride his bike without stabilisers, so running at 41+ weeks does happen - and who knows, may have helped?!

Very best of luck!

You're all fab - have stuffed my face (including fried egg with slightly runny yolk, tut tut) and had big hugs from DP and DS is asleep, and I feel a lot better. All your positive stories really help, I know I just need to give myself a break, sometimes it just all gets a bit too much.

Am going to go and watch some crappy telly and bounce on the birth ball, and see if I can persuade DP that some nipple twiddling at least might be a good idea, if not some sex !

I you all.

xx

Oooh a bit of runny egg with home made chips to dunk in would cheer anyone up! Glad to hear you sounding a bit more cheerful

Happy bouncing! If nothing else, sex it is good fun !

Well, bounced all evening and even tried some sex

feeling a lot more cheerful today despite being awake from 3-5am wondering if my backache was anything significant or just sleeping on one side for too long. Must stop overanalysing!

Managed to be nice to the librarian who went on and on about how big I was and how it must be imminent, as well, this morning. Didn't snarl once.

You are all lovely

xxxx

attcha!!

Glad you are feeling positive within yourself today.

Do not p* off librarian, you might at some point be desperate to attend Bounce&Rhyme with new baby - just to get out of the house .

May I also remind you that a lot of babies are Far Easier To Look After Inside You rather than outside !

Here is keeping fingers crossed for you. Keep us posted...