First time home birthers and their support squad

[jollyjoanne]

Not a homebirther personally but wanting to offer support to Boobz and others who are going for a home birth . . .

Well done Mama! Cry and cry and cry if you have to. My first birth was awful too. Although mother and baby were both OK, I just had so many questions as to why and when it stopped going according to plan. (Some of these are only just being answered 4 years down the line).

Try to enjoy your perfect new baby, but don't you dare try and pretend you are ok if you aren't.

Sending you a big hug, a virtual box of tissues and a large bar of Dairy Milk.

Congratulations!!!! Hope you've got all the support you need to make you feel better, and are getting lots of cuddles x

Thank you all so much for your words of support - they mean a lot. X

Hey everyone and big congrats to mamalazarou - I hope you are ok and getting looked after.

I am officially in labour now . Had a fairly interupted night and gave up trying to sleep at about 3. MW came about 6 this morning and said I was 4 to 5 cm dilated, baby in good position, everything ready to rock and roll. She was lovely, very reassurig. She will be back later when things get more serious.

I'm coping ok, don't know what the future holds but so far am managing with some paracetamol and lots of heavy breathing through contractions. Only thing is, I was recomended to eat, had a bowl of porridge and immediately threw it straight back up again. so I think food is off the agenda for now. Looking forward to getting in the pool later, it looks lovely.

HOpe everyone else waiting is getting there.
SWW

Ooh whippet exciting! If you can get hold of some jellybabies I found those good to eat, at least you get some sugar. I did a lot of throwing up in labour too .
If you can't manage that do you have some Lucozade or similar to keep your fluids up?
Fingers crossed all goes smoothly for you! x

Ooooh, good luck whippet... fingers crossed from me asa well that thigs go really smooth for you!! ('',) x

Congrats all that have had safe arrival since I last checked in.

Good luck Whippet!

Wow MamaLararou! I wondered where'd you'd gone! Fabulous news - what's his name?

Sounds like you had a good crack at the home job but transverse was always going to be a hard one to do on your own! Come back and tell us the birth story when you've got a spare minute...

Whippet - that's so exciting! And posting still after 5cm - keep coming back, I am in suspense...

I want photos from everyone... and Happy still has to come back and tell her birth story...

Where are Rain and Bored - birthing somewhere??

I have not forgotten about the photos. Upon further investigation, I realise that I need to make the files smaller. For this I need to use my own computer. I am currently confined to the bedroom with the handy teeny tiny netbook.

I am going to see the physio on Monday to see what she recommends about the ligament situation. If I wasn't in so much pain I would be really loving the enforced regime of eating chocolate in bed and cuddling my baby (and hiding from all my in-laws). The drugs are good, though. Dreading DH going back to work next Wednesday - if there were awards being handed out for excellence during a babymoon, he would win them all

Congrats to you MamaL, you did it! That is the important thing. Now enjoy the next stage! Good luck whippet, though I guessing that it's probably congratulations by now.

Boobz Thanks so much for sharing your birthplan, and I'm sorry I haven't replied early. I have my sister and her 1year old twins to stay which was wonderfully diverting! Some good ideas in there, I especially like the one about midwifes being responsible for stitching.

Hey all, sadly no home birth for me in the end but TBH I'm not disappointed as had a really good experience overall.

Francesca was born at 5:30am on Sat morning weighing 7lbs15 in labour ward. Basically I wasn't able to achieve "established labour" (ie regular strong contractions) so went in to have waters broken as baby showing signs of distress. I got to 7cm without regular contractions which is apparently a bit unusual!

Had otherwise natural birth using tens and G&A, was a really positive (if very long) experience despite not being at home or in the pool; Frankie is gorgeous and feeding well. I am besotted.

good luck everyone. off to do some more gazing

Congratulations!! Happy that you've not been left disappointed..name is soo cute xx

Welcome flybynight - not sure I said that at the time you joined. Hope your DH is coming around to the idea ? I have a great link you should show him ? will post it after this post.

Well done Whippet! Francesca / Frankie are great names ? love them both (might steal it), and sounds like you had a lovely birth despite transferring. Do they know why the baby?s heart beat was dropping (or was it speeding up?) Could they not have broken your waters at home to speed things up, if that?s all it took to get regular contractions? Anyway, do come back with photos and as a cheer leading squad for all the home-birthers yet to come..

Well, Boredgirl is now 2 weeks overdue ? so me thinks she?s had her baby and not quite got back on here to tell us all about it, or she?s going to be induced soon! I hope it?s the former Bored. I see you were supposed to go into the hospital last Thursday if nothing was happening, so maybe you?re still there now?

And Rain was contracting away last Tuesday, so surely she must have popped too by now? Any news Rain?

Looking for birth stories and photos from Happyfaces, Motherofsnortpigs, Bella, MamaLazarou - come back when you get a spare second!

Hope the pain is getting better Motherofsnortpigs - and I?m sorry DH has to go back to work on Wednesday. My DH has just gotten home after 2 weeks away and I tell you it?s not a moment too soon! I was going mental having to do all the dog walking, child care, full time job and house work on my own. And at 5 months pregnant! Still, he?s back now, so I can stop complaining... (yeah right).

Anything yet Verylittlecarrot? You?re due tomorrow I see.

As for me, I?m doing ok but am worried about work ? have to travel to see my bosses on Friday and am worried it?s going to be a ganging up on scenario (they?re none too pleased I?ve had back-to-back pregnancies and are being miserable c*nts). On a nicer note, I had my 20 weeks scan (at 21 weeks) last Wednesday and everything was fine ? all normal which is a relief as a friend has some bad news at her 12 week scan on the same day, so I was pretty gutted for her at the time of going in for my own scan. Baby is moving around a lot ? lots more to feel than when DD was in there (but then they say you feel more the second time, non?) Or maybe it?s a boy....

I?ve updated the list! Please come back and fill in names where they are missing...

Due

Boredgirl, DC#1 due 15 January, SW London
Verylittlecarrot, DC#2, due 2 Feb, planned HB
Raindroprhyme, DC#3 due 2 February, planned HB, South West Scotland
Comeonbishbosh, DC#1 due 7 Feb, planned home waterbirth, Sheffield
Sunnybump DC#1 due 18 Feb planned home water birth, NE Scotland
intravenouscoffee, DC#2 due 26 Feb, planned home birth, E Mids
Caitni, DC#1 due 2 March, planned home waterbirth, North London
Heth1980, DD#2, due 4 March, planned home birth, Birmingham
Mad4mainecoons, DC#2 due 4 March, planned homebirth, Cornwall
Opalfruity, DC#1, due 28 March, planned hypo-waterbirth, Newcastle
PrincessTweetz, DC#2 due 28 March, planned home birth, Coventry
Bettymum, DC#2 due 7 April, planned home birth, Berkshire
Toady, DC#4 due 17 April, home birth, Torquay
Flybynight, DC#4 due 24 April, planned home birth, Leeds
Boobz, DC#2 due June 9, planned home waterbirth, South London
Wheredidmyfeetgo, DC#3 due 28 June, planned homebirth, Wiltshire
Heather1980, DC#3 due September, planned homebirth

Arrived

Happyfaces, DC#1 arrived 12 January, induction at 39 weeks due to Cholestasis, Cambridgeshire Name??
Motherofsnortpigs, Humphrey Peter David arrived 20 January at home (very quick labour!)
MamaLazarou, DC#1 arrived 20 January, transfer due to transverse lie
Bellaballoon, DC#1 arrived 24 January at home. Name??
SouthWestWhippet, Francesca arrived 30 January, transfer due to established labour not kicking in

Hi Flybynight - as promised, a little something to see if your DH can be convinced... I posted this on the original homebirth thread a while back. Actually, I've just re-read it and #7 has made me well up! Gah, damn hormones...

The 7 Secrets of Being A Home Birth Dad

All Dads to be are nervous or at least skeptical when their wife/partner first mentions the idea of having a home birth. This is nothing to be ashamed of us guys are conditioned by a lifetimes constant bombardment that Doctors know best and that it is our patriarchy duty to always make safe choices. That's why when my wife Bel first brought up the idea for the birth of our second Daughter my first train of thought was about risk. Images of John Hurt's chest cracking open and a tiny, evil alien being screeching it's bloody arrival to the universe ran through my mind. I looked up at the walls of our apartment and wondered whether an arterial spray of blood could ever be washed out of that particular shade of off white.

Ten minutes googling dissolved my misconception that home birth is reckless (with Bel peering over my shoulder and directing me to websites she'd already read). In a nutshell, there are studies for and against, but if you listen to your own common sense you will probably agree it's just as safe, if not safer. You can Google all that stuff yourself, what I want to really want to talk about is the second train of though that ran through my head: why?

Why have a home birth? My wife had her reasons and she laid them out for me. Bel had a horrible experience in hospital with our first daughter and that was a big part of it. As Bel explained it to me I nodded and said 'umm' a lot and was happy to go along with it because I knew it was what she wanted. But I never had reasons of my own from my selfish perspective as a Dad until I had experienced it for myself. These reasons are the 7 secrets I want to share with you guys now.

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1. In a home birth you are no longer relegated to the bench.

Before the birth itself there is more to think about in a planning and logistics sort of way, ranging from buying equipment to manly jobs like making sure the birth pool hose actually attaches to your taps. On game day you are not just a big hairy thing whose only use is to be squeezed viciously or swore at. You are in charge of the birth pool, maybe even catching the baby (I'm doing that next time). And, aside from the mother, who will be a little preoccupied, you are the only person in the building who knows where all the towels are. If you have ever read The Hitchhikers Guide, you'll know how vital that is.

1. You'll lose less hair and gain less wrinkles.

Having a baby is always frightening on some level, if you're not scared out your wits you must be medicated or dead inside. With a home birth though there are less things that stress you out and feed the ugly fear monster within. Think of it: No traffic. No worry of getting lost. No worry of the car not starting. No worry that you've forgotten something. No pacing corridors. No worry about what's happening. No corridors to pace. No smug doctors. You'll still be worried, but it won't consume you. Besides in a home birth, you have too many jobs to do to have time to let your fear monster run free.

1. Home is where the heart is not to mention cds, dvds, the playstation...

All your comforts. Your music, your TV, your favourite mug, your fridge, your magazines, your books even your beer I guess. You'll be more relaxed, the mum will be more relaxed and the baby will be more relaxed too when he/she pops out. I'll be honest, despite the stimulus of worry and excitement, births are pretty boring. Maybe I have a short attention span, but it's not, you know, entertainment. And we all know they can go on a bit. With a home birth you will be a thousand times less bored as you can take a break and read a magazine or flip on the idiot box for a bit. Hell, it's probably less boring for the midwifes too.

1. Say goodbye to the little things that kill

Me? I hate hospitals for a million and one small and big reasons. Looking back now I can't believe I didn't jump for joy when Bel mentioned having a home birth simply because I wouldn't have to go to one. My main problem with hospitals is this - the idea of being surrounded by sick people sounds like a bad strategy if you want to stay healthy. Plus there are hundred small things: it smells bad, the foods nasty, it's demeaning to find you way by following coloured lines on the floor and most importantly, when your newborn arrives he/she won't be woken up by someone else's screaming child. Hospitals suck, home rules!

1. You don't have to live the delivery room cliche of the hapless and scorned father

You know the one - where the woman in labor hates her husband and screams blue murder into his face, punches him etc. Either that or she is so medicated and spaced out she doesn't even know what a father is let alone who you are. With a home birth her labor is undisturbed. She does not have to be picked up halfway through and rushed to the hospital. I cannot state enough how much a difference this makes.

1. You are He-man of the home, you have the power!

That's right. It's not the power of grayskull though, it's the power of being the master of your environment. It's a subtle difference, but one you will notice.Your home is your place. You pay for it. The midwives and guests are the fish out of water. If they want something, they ask you. There's a funny thing about evolution, it has created the subconscious trait that whoever gives out the food is the dominant player in any situation. That's why in a home birth you will find it feels a lot more natural to ask more questions about what's going on, to make sure that the birth plan is stuck to and to generally be more involved and have more say over the whole thing.

1. You won't have your surprised, fragile heart ripped out.

If you only remember one of these secrets, make sure it's this one. At the end of a home birth, the midwifes leave. Not you. This is the way it should be. In a hospital, you will be torn away from you newborn child and your exhausted wife at the very peak of your emotional vulnerability. Let me paint the picture for you real quick: two weeks before my eldest daughter was born my Dad had died, we were not financially safe and I didn't have a job. In short, it was tough. But being the alpha male I am, I wasn't showing it and being the rock solid guy I like to think I am. But the instant I saw my new daughters face I discovered a vein of happiness and a depth of feeling that washed away my ego and my fears and even helped me come to terms with my Dad's recent death and made me, a mainly scientific sort of thinker, to almost see a thread of symmetry within life. If that's all a bit too Lion King for you I apologize, my main point is this at that point the most unnatural thing in the world for me to do was leave my daughter, drive home and lay on my couch for eight hours and wait for the sun to rise. To make me do that, is probably the cruelest thing that has ever been done to me. In retrospect I wish I had stayed and made them try and have me arrested to make me leave. I have forever lost that first night with my first born.

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These are my reasons why home birth was better for me. I've called them secrets, because these things are not common knowledge and are not talked about all that much even within the world of home birth programs and message groups etc. It's not all good you will have to clean up afterwards. That's not anyone's idea of fun. But hey, that's a small price to pay in my opinion.

After experiencing both hospital and home birth my wife and I wouldn't even consider going to a hospital again unless there was a very compelling medical reason why we should do so. That's compelling, by our standards of reason and common sense. Not what any medical profession says. It's a no-brainer for us. As a Dad there is really no comparison to be made. You are a key part of a home birth. The mother needs you and is relying on you. In a way it's a shame when it's all over because you revert back to being a useless man again before the midwifes leftover tea goes cold.

Ven Batista

Taken from:

www.sheffieldhomebirth.org.uk/homebirth-fathers.aspx

Coongratulations whippet! Love your choice of name glad you had a happy experience overall.
Boobz those 7 secrets are lovely. TBH I think my DH is more keen than I am on a homebirth, he's very supportive which is nice. Interesting you are feeling more this time, I think I feel less - or actually it's just different - DD was a real wriggler and kicker/thumper but this one (a boy) moves much more slowly but sticks his limbs out more and tickles me more. Completely different! Just as nice .
Less than 10 weeks to go now...must try and start getting prepared!

I think because I had been at it so long (had taken 24hrs to get to 4cm and another 18 or so to get to 7cm) they felt Frankie and i were really exhausted and there might be problems because of that. So they recommended transfering and I was happy to do so. I was pretty tired - actually dozed between the pushing contractions LOL.

You are still a speedster compared to me - took me about 60 hours to get to 4cm and another 16 or so to get to 6cm. Then the drugs took over...
Really, really hope DC2 is quicker.

WOAH Bettymum you are a hero. 60hours

Good luck with DC2, hope he/she flies out!

Congratulations Southwestwhippet! Really pleased for you and enjoy the gazing!

Meant to say... Had a trial inflate of the birth pool last night (it's a birthpool in a box type). Must say was expecting it to take much longer. It comes with an electric pump and I was upstairs just thinking that DH was being very keen and doing some hoovering when I was given a shout to come and view the pool!

here it is, with me with a slightly nervous smile: tinyurl.com/ycvc9qm

Anyway, having been reluctantly and with a few wobbles putting together a 'hospital / labour / baby bag' (only 1 week to go until due day, I have been dragging my feet on this one) seeing the cheery pool picked me right up! Something about it seemed very benign and made me want to jump right in! Also, given that it's a NHS one and has presumably done the rounds a bit it looks and smells very clean and new. It's bigger than I thought, maybe because it's oval rather than circular. Our only worry now is that it's going to take a long time to fill... big capacity and a slow boiler. But my thinking is that most first labours take a while to get to the point where you would be jumping in the pool (we've been told 5 cm), and if it's going quicker than that then all the better and I'll manage somehow.

Thanks for posting the '7 secrets' boobz. My DH has got a book off Amazon, called something like 'The homebirth guide for Dads' which we have both enjoyed reading... lots of positive stories and good reasons like those mentioned in your post.

Your link doesn't work Comeonbishbosh - repost please!

i am still here still contracting away. apparently all normal for 3rd labours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had a show last night so fingers crossed something happens tonight. feel like i have done nothing but sleep last 2 days hope that is a good sign too.
Had my last hypnotherapy session on Saturday morning and the guy did an hour and a half of deep relaxation with me. Was amazing felt like a new woman after it. was pretty het up after a week of thinking is this it or not.
Congrats all the ones who have popped.

Congratulations to Happyfaces, Motherofsnortpigs, MamaLazarou, Bellaballoon and SouthWestWhippet!

Nothing to report from my side of things, annoyingly. A few BH but nothing of consequence. Am definitely done with this pg now, I think. Hurry up baby...

Good luck today raindrop and carrot!!

Oh, sorry, thought I had checked on the preview. Will try a different link, same pic.

twitpic.com/10qegd

Good luck raindrop and VLCarrot!