incompetant midwives

[jenz]

i know there are a lot of women who have had bad experiences due to the incompetance and uncaring attitude of some midwifes.lots of them seem reluctant to talk about this(understandably),but think we need to speak up and hopefully(eventually)things will change.
i arrived at hospital for my sons birth(my first) nearly fully dilated and although i told the midwife this, she told me i had 8 hours to go(i had already been in labour for 24).it took her 1 1/2 hours to tell me she was wrong and that i was ready to push.
before this she had tried to break my waters twice(they had already broken naturally but very slowly and i didnt realise}and my poor baby had sores on his head where she had proded him.
she gave me no help with alternative birth positions and turned the whole experience into a nightmare(i was coping fine and probably would have continued to do so).i ended up getting an eleventh hour epidural(which was done beautifully-no back pain)cause it turned out the baby was sideways with the cord wrapped round,although if i had been treated better i dont think i would have DEMANDED this.
anyway everything was ok in the end but my image of midwifes being good caring people was shattered.this bitch was not only bad at her job but also had a bad attitude.
finally does anyone know of a national body that deals with complaints.i also know that my story is nothing compared to what has happened to other women.
thanx for reading

God, these stories are terrifying me!!

Mears can you recommend anything that we could do during labour? If you were to send you DH out to find someone in charge would your complaint be listened to during childbirth?

I didn't have an experience with DD like these, but I did find my midwife totally uncaring, she even told me she didn't know why I was making so much fuss over the pain, and then told me she had never had children. I got the pain relief though, and then a Doctor came in to do the delivery and she was great.

The midwife who was there when my dd was finally born was really nice. I do however remember others that were not so nice. During my labour I went through 4 shifts of midwives. I didn't suffer as badly as any of you in your stories, and I'm so sad to hear all these stories. But I do remember one midwife telling me to stop making so much noise as I was scaring the other women in the surrounding delivery rooms! like I was in a fit state at the time to really care. I remember another saying to me oh come on it's not that bad, turns out she didn't have any children as she thought it looked to sore! At the time these comments to me were quite upsetting maybe they were just trying to distract me from the pain I don't know. And there was another midwife on the ward one night after the birth who was always very abrupt, telling me not to do this and that even though other midwives had said differently. I have a friend who had a really horrible midwife all the way through the labour and who didn't believe that she was really ready to push until the head popped out and she had to run out and get another midwife to be with her, leaving my friend alone and terrified. I guess it's the luck of the draw what kind of midwife you get and I know that there are plenty of really nice ones out there. I just hope that next time I get the nice ones.

hi jenz,i had my second one in another hospital,as soon as i got to the ward i burst into tears but it was completely different the midwife was great i had an epidurial straight away as the baby was coming fast and everything went fine they knew what happened to me the first time and were extra careful,i sent the midwife and other staff a present and chocolates and she even wrote back to thank me and asking me how i was

Pie - you are certainly within your rights to ask to have the midwife changed if you are not happy with the one you meet in labour.
This has to be kept in perspective though - I would think that there are very few women who have the terrible experiences that have been described here. There are times that women actually behave disgustingly to us midwives! I believe that I am a very kind/caring person/midwife but even I have responded to a swearing abusive woman that I would refuse to repair her bottom if she did not pack it in. It is all about mutual respect at he end of the day.

hi mears,i totally agree with you and wouldn`t put up with any abuse in any sort of profession but in my case i did nothing to deserve the treatment i received she was just an incopetent and heartless person

Mears - just wanted to add my support for all the excellent midwives out there who do an incredible job helping women go through the most stressful and painful experience they've ever had. I went through several shifts of midwives (none of whom I'd met before) and found them all sensitive, caring and attentive. I felt properly consulted at every stage, and was touched when the final midwife who was with me when I made the decision to go for the c-section stayed on after her shift to see the result.

Don't get me started on that young anaethetist though.....

I should have added to my post that any woman who is mistreated by a midwife( which these stories reflect) should make a complaint. Procedures that are undertaken without a woman's permission is actually an assault. Every hospital has a complaints procedure which tells you who to write to. I think it is really important that serious problems are highlighted so that steps can be taken to ensure it never happens again to anyone else. Women can also make a complaint directly to the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC). In a really serious case the midwife could be removed from the register and not allowed to practise.

I had great midwifery care through both my labours, except for one midwife who got a bit shirty with me for refusing to lie down to be monitored (I was having a back labour and could not lie on my back). But the others were all wonderful and I had one who stayed on 4 hours past the end of her shift to be there when dd was born. What is really nice is we live in a little community and so sometimes I will be in the supermarket and hear someone calling my children's names - and it will be one of the midwives.
I had other problems with them outwith labour. I was in hospital for 3 weeks before ds was born, with kidney stones. Although the doc had written me up for basically as much pethedine as I wanted (unless you have had kidney stones you will not appreciate how essential this is!! - kidney stones feel like that bit of labour when you are about 6-7 cms and think it is never going to end, only the contractions are lasting 5-7 minutes!!) I had to fight for it almost every time (apart from when the one midwife who had also suffered from them in pregnancy was on - when I rang my bell she would show up with the drugs before I even asked for them). In fact, one night one of the midwives offered me paracetamol and I yelled at her (I know I shouldn't have) 'Would you offer paracetamol to a labouring woman?????' and she went and got the pethedine sharpish then!!
The other problem, and I complained about this, was the feeding advice I got. One midwife tried to grab dd off my breast to give her a bottle, and I felt I didn't get the suppport I needed. I did go on to successfully feed both children for 13 and 14 months respectively, but was horrified at the way my needs were ignored. My complaint seemed to get listened to, as they then introduced mandatory training for all ward staff, including cleaners and auxiliaries, to support breastfeeding.

hi susanmt , i was also advised by the two different health workers(a nurse in hospital and my health visitor) to give my ds a bottle .it was only because a nurse trained in breastfeeding told me not to,that i didnt give him one to help him along.during the third week ds didnt gain any weight(he wasnt a very big baby(6.7) so it was a worry)and my health visitor tried to make me give him a bottle,i objected to this on the grounds that i have a cows milk intolerance and also a soya one and this is what formula milks are based on.i know that you dont simply inherit allergies but im sure it means he would be more likely to have them if i do.
i said to the hv that i would agree with her and give him a bottle if he hadnt gained weight by the next week.i had to have him weighed everyday.he gained weight constantly through the week and has done so ever since,and hes never had a bottle-i breastfeed him solely until he started weaning at 22 weeks.i feel the hv still dislikes me for overriding her authority(even though i had genuine reasons for doing so)the only reason he hadnt gained weight was because i hadnt realised how much he needed to feed-(sometimes all day)-the last think i needed was discouragement as it hurt like hell-but the hvs attitude made me more determined to continue.
she not only dicouraged me but she also gave me bad advice-the usual cliches that i didnt have enough milk-my nipples werent big enough-she told me not to wake him for an extra feed which is wrong-she told me giving a bottle would not decrease my milk production-wrong.i asked her if using a breast pump to stimulate my milk supply was a good idea again she said no -wrong again.i wrang the la leche people and spoke to a wonderful bf counsellor who gave me loads of support and basically told me to ignore her advice.im so glad i did-i am still bf 7 months on.
i am horrified at the knowledge and care of so called professionals i dont think they even read the notes they hand out to patients.the treatment i recieved in labour was horrendous and nothing like my ante natal classes said it would be.all in all it has taught me that you cant trust the opinions of some professionals -even though they are being paid to do a job it doesnt mean they are knowledgable about it,sometimes we do actually know better.
big big thanks to everyone on this page who has expresed sympathy , i didnt write my story out just for sympathy though it is much appreciated-i wrote it hoping that somehow other women could gain some empowerment in such a vunerable situation;DONT LET YOUR MIDWIFE BULLY YOU-if shes givin you an awful time ask to see someone else-if theres no-one else available ask to see a manager or senior nurse.if theres no floor cushions or birthing balls ask for them the hospital may have them in another room.if u want to use the birthing pool dont wait to be asked -put in a request.(i wish i had done all of these things)and if they tell u youre to far gone to have an epidural- tell them that you know of this mum on mumsnet that had one when she was fully dilated(cause i ended up so traumatised i dont think i could have done it without one) and if you dont get one she'll come round and punch your lights out!!

mears i wish you had been my midwife-who knows maybe next time!thanks for all your wise advice-you are right i need to get my complaint in to the hospital v soon -i always intended to-its just been finding the time to put it in writing(bs is not a long sleeper)cause no one else should have to suffer like i did.(and ive only told half the story).ive talked to others who went to the same hospital an heard no stories as bad as mine although i dont think the midwifes there are known for being overfriendly!
think next time ill be going to another place locally which claims to be baby friendly.
i will keep you posted on how the complaint goes-and i will def.send the complaint to the head of midwifery too.

big big thanks to everyone on this page who has expresed sympathy , i didnt write my story out for sympathy ,though it is much appreciated-i wrote it hoping that somehow other women could gain some empowerment in such a vunerable situation;DONT LET YOUR MIDWIFE BULLY YOU-if shes givin you an awful time ask to see someone else-if theres no-one else available ask to see a manager or senior nurse.if theres no floor cushions or birthing balls ask for them the hospital may have them in another room.if u want to use the birthing pool dont wait to be asked -put in a request.(i know this isnt easy - but i wish i had done all of these things)and if they tell u youre to far gone to have an epidural- tell them that you know of this mum on mumsnet that had one when she was fully dilated(cause i ended up so traumatised i dont think i could have done it without one) and if you dont get one she'll come round and punch your lights out!!

good luck with your complaint jenz,i look forward to knowing how it went

does anyone(mears)? know what a baby friendly hospital is pls.

hi why mummy-i need to stop talking on here to find the time to write it! although im practising my typin!still havent tidied up from saturday-dp(dear plonker)is out with ds so id better get cracking cause ill get earache if its still a tip when he returns.yes my man has me chained to the cooker a place were i thought id never b although i dont have to get up to go to work which suits me.have harboured ideas of doin teacher training but i dont think i could cope with the system!
was so glad to hear you had a better time in your second labour-its a relief-
well better go talk to you again
(sorry for using dis group like a chat room)

also is it true that there is no private health care available for births

LOL jenz,who could we write to to complaint about our men??

i dunno whymummy-i usually complain to him but i dont think he listens.on our way to the hospital in the car i could hardly sit down cause babies head was engaging and he was goin 'im really tired(oh poor u) are u sure we need to go now'.when i told him my contractions were gettin stronger he wanted sympathy for backache(ithink it wasd sympathy ache but really...what a plonk.i battered him with my maternity notes! as soon as ifind a nice house with a garden which i can afford im outta here.he does love his son a lot though which counts.

can i come with youuuuuuuu?please,please

susanmt, I DID have a midwife offer me paracetemol for labour pains! I was about 3cm and couldn't get any pain relief until they brought me to the labour ward at 4cm.

Mears/any others in the know....is there nothing available for pain relief before 4cm ?? I would love to know this for next time!! I was 8 agonising hours getting to 4cm with only the tens machine and I even took the paracetemol

BigBird - prior to 4cm, pethidine is usually offered if pain relief is requested, although in our unit, any pain relief can be administered from 3cm dilated.
For whoever asked - a Baby Friendly hospital is one which has passed the Unicef baby friendly inspection - it's all to do with breast feeding. In short a Baby Friendly hospital will clearly show that it follows the Baby Friendly guidelines to promote b/f - things like:
baby with mum at all times to encourage feeding
no dummys/pacifiers offered
no formula milk on show
baby straight to breast post delivery
all staff trained in same feeding technique to avoid confusion
no formula feeds given unless clinically indicated

these are just a few examples

yes of course whymummy as long as you'll baby sit whilst i go and party!

Finally I can let of steam about my two pregnancies so sorry if I bore anyone!

DS1 ... after his head came out the midwife just pulled him out and his shoulders got stuck ... ended up with me being rushed off to theatre to mend a massive 3rd degree tear. Think she felt guilty as they put me in a private room for 5 days!

DS2 ... the midwife didn't appreciate that he was back-to-back and thought I was fussing about the pain (I only had gas and air with both births)!! Then she gave me an episotomy but instead of cutting away from the last scar cut right down it so I practically ended up with the same damage as last time! She looked shocked when DS1 came out head up and think she felt guilty as once again I was whisked off to a private en-suite room!

Both births were fairly traumatic, not made easier by the midwifes and I would never consider putting my body through that again for risk of something else going wrong!

Still, I now have two gorgeous little boys and I know that relative to a lot of people my births were probably ok but I just wanted to get it out of my system so thanks to Mumsnet for letting me do so!

oi,jenz youre talking to a party animal here,maybe we get a babysitter (; on the subject of tearing brought up by pancake mears can you tell me why over here women in labour dont get shaved to avoid infections?

its been that long since i partied i cant remember..........thats why had a db cause id taken to stayin in at weekend...used to be a pa though

Pancake - i've only 1 dd and she was back-to-back and I found it excruciating for the 8 hours before the epidural - then bliss for 16 hrs more
I wanted to ask was your second way more painful than your first because of the back-to-back position? That might make me happier about going again....at least I may not have the same extent of pain!