home birth: do you feel like they're fussing over you?

[MinkyBorage]

I'm down for a home birth, but a friend who had one a couple of years ago said that she felt like the midwife and her dh were sort of hanging around waiting for something to happen. I quite liked being in hospital where they just neglect you because you can just get on with it without feeling like you're holding anyone up. DH read (or gave the impression of reading) the paper bothe previous births in hospital which suited me down to the ground, but I suspect he'll feel bad doing that if there's a midwife around.
I hate being fussed over.

btw am going for a home birth mainly because of childcare issues.

My first midwife chatted with us for a bit, then called the 2nd mw an hour before the birth, and they just let us get on with it, they listenmed to HB occasionally but didnt examine or poke me.

It was fantastic! (3rd baby homebirth)

then after they made us tea and toast, cleaned my bath out after me and helped me to get dressed, lol.

oh god no, i didn't call them until things were nicely underway and then the midwives sat in the other room and left me, dp and doula alone
when one visited the week after i did not recognise her

I had an amazing home birth... had stated in my birth plan that i preferred thr midwife to be in the background if everything was going well as I also hate being fussed over. me and DP were on our own for most of 1st stage. called midwifE and she arrived when i was quite well into established labour -after examining me just left me to get on with it really, the 2nd midwife arrived about an hour before the birth but i don't even really remember her arriving at that point... i definitely wasn't fussed over. I had such a calm positive birth experience i would reecommend a home birth to anyone

I second every one else has said. The MWs at my homebirth left me to get on with it. She didn't even do an internal, just observed. I gave birth on my knees, she supported babys head and then guided her through my legs to me, DP came to sit on the floor with me and we checked to see what we'd got and it was is if we were alone. During the actual birth I was so calm and chilled that I didn't need any "support" from DP and he sat and chatted to the MWs and watched tv whilst I moo'd etc. I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Tell them you don't want to be fussed over and they won't!

Very similar experience to greenmonkies with first one, midiwfe just sat quietly away from us until right at the end, and also didnt do an internal.

Second time (different county) midwives were less laid back as it turned out later they had very little homebirth experience (in fact for one of them I was her first in 30 years!). The first one insisted on an internal when she arrived to see how far along I was, but when I made it clear I didnt have one last time and didnt want to be checked all the time, she then left me alone. As it was DD2 turned up 40 minutes later, and in fact about 4 minutes after second midwife so she barely had time to say hello. I am sure if you explain what you want, they will listen. HOpe all goes smoothly for you.

The mw only arrived 15 minutes before ds was born, so it wasn't an issue for me. However, I did state in my birthplan that I just wanted to be left alone - there's nothing worse than feeling like a watched pot waiting to boil!

Your dh can get involved in setting the room/s up, so he can do that while you concentrate on doing your own thing.

Speak to your dh and mw before the birth and explain how you feel about it.

Good luck

Oh, and I also stated that I didn't want the 2nd mw to come into the room where I was birthing unless she was needed (I didn't want the atmosphere or my concentration to be broken). The mw's were fine with this and as it happened the 2nd mw arrived after ds did.

Oh that's so reassuring, thank you. I've not bothered writing a birth plan because when I did, with dc1, there wasn't any point, and if I'd written another straight after the birth, it would have said, something along the lines of get the baby out as painlessly and quickly as possible!
Actually, having read this, I think that it's a brilliant idea, if even just to tell the midwife the role I'd like them to play.
I'm becoming a bit anxious about it as apparently the baby is back to back atm. I've had two very quick and relatively easy births and am worried that the back to back thing will be a nightmare!.......maybe this is another thread??

For complete peace of mind write your birth plan in the form of a letter and send it to the MW team now. Ask that each member of the team reads it so that who ever ends up coming out to you knows in advance what you do and don't want. Then you don't have to bother giving it to them or explaining anything when the MW's do arrive, and you will be secure and confident knowing that they already know.

Here is what I sent in to my MW team;

"
Head of Midwifery Services/Ward Manager,
Labour Ward,

Dear Madam,

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first was born in hospital and for a variety of reasons I am intending to stay at home for the birth of this baby, due the week beginning XXXXXXX.

So far I have met a few of the XXXXX Team at my ante-natal appointments, and most of them have been really nice and very supportive and understanding of my desire to stay at home, however, this has not been the case with all of them, and couple have been positively dismissive of my reasons.

I had a long, but straight forward labour with my first baby, which culminated in unnecessary (and potentially dangerous) use of a synthetic oxytocin drip, stirrups, episiotomy and ventouse delivery. The midwife who attended me told me later that this had been over zealous as I would have given birth naturally if I?d been left to rest for a while, as I requested at the time. My ?natural? labour was very positive, I had hard, but irregular, contractions but I stayed upright and mobile and they were not at all painful. I have a joint condition called Hyper-mobility. My ligaments are very lax, I am, even when not pregnant, very flexible and prone to dislocation, which is most problematic in my lumbar spine and sacral areas. As you can imagine when I am pregnant my ligaments become extremely soft and these problems become much worse. I wore a pelvic support belt for the final few weeks of my last pregnancy, and have been using one since the 26th week this time. For these reasons a supine delivery is contraindicated, and because this was ignored in my last labour (including the use of stirrups) I now have a prolapsed disk at L4/L5.

I took a lot of time educating myself about childbirth before I had my last baby, and as I grew up on a livestock farm I witnessed ?natural? births all my childhood, so I have a very down to earth attitude. I have no fear of labour, as I said above, my ?natural? labour last time was a positive experience, I felt no pain and was content although working very hard. I will happily transfer to hospital if this labour shows clinical signs of needing me too, however, I do not consider a long labour (like my last one) to be a good enough reason to leave home, nor do I expect to be told that there are not enough Midwives on duty to be able to send someone out to me. I am aware of my rights and the Trusts obligations, so I will expect a Midwife to attend me, even if it is an Independent one, paid for by the Trust.

My last labour was a calm and positive experience right up until the last 20 minutes, when intervention was forced upon me. At that point the birth of my baby became a stressful, painful and panicked event, which left me physically and emotionally damaged. This time I would like an air of calm around me, my daughter (who will be three in August) will be welcome in the room if she wants to be (and is awake!) and as she is still nursing I will be happy to have her near me if all is going well. I have plenty of family support near by, my sister lives nearby, and my mum is an hour away, and will be coming up to be with me whilst I am in labour. (So I do have ?emergency? babysitters should I need to go to hospital)

I would like the umbilical cord to stay intact until it has stopped pulsating, I do not want to be given any injections to force my uterus to expel my placenta, or have traction applied to the cord. I intend to have a natural, physiological third stage, delivering the placenta after breastfeeding my baby, possibly even before the cord has been clamped and cut. I view labour and birth as a natural event, not a medical procedure, contractions are contractions, not ?pains? (as so many Midwives refer to them) and I know that my body is designed and capable of performing this task. Since having my last baby I have done further reading, including ?Birth Reborn? by Michel Odent and ?New Active Birth? by Janet Balaskas (I own copies of both should any of your staff wish to read them) and I am currently reading ?Childbirth Without Fear? by Grantly Dick-Read.

I hope that by putting this in writing and sending it in to the Hamilton team in advance that those who do end up coming to my house to help deliver my baby will understand what I want, and why I want it. I had a ?Birth Plan? written and attached to my maternity notes last time, stating all of this, detailing my joint problems and desire for a physiological third stage etc, however, once I was in hospital no-one looked at my maternity notes so all my ?plans? were ignored. I am happy to have a student Midwife attend with the Midwife if there is one who wishes to see a homebirth.

Yours faithfully,"

Feel free to C&P at will if it's useful to you.

Thank you GreenMonkies, it's really good of you to post that, and very helpful.

I'm getting on to it now. Thank you.

You're welcome, it was stunningly effective, the Head of midwifery called me and I had a meeting with her to discuss and clarify my specifications and this left me feeling very confident that all the MW's would be fully genned up and wouldn't need any instructions "on the day". In the end the MW who came out was not from my designated team, but had read my letter, so clearly it had been well circulated. It was a fantastic, chilled, easy birth in the end, the MW's were great (there were kisses and hugs when they left!!) so it was well worth doing.

I made sure I wrote a Thank You letter to them afterwards, and they were very pleased by this, a copy was posted on the staff room notice board!

ok well i had a crap couple of mw at our home birth. they slept for hours on end and did F*all including not examining me to see if I needed to push. instead they asked me to push for 6 hours when I didnt feel the need. I got fed up and insisted on going to hosp where the consultant examined me and asked why I had been pushing as there was a rim of cervix around baby's head.
grrrrr. once released he was born in a surprisingly short time

I am planning on a home birth and just wanted to say this has been a useful thread for me to take a peek at. I don't want any fuss, but am confident DH will tell anyone including MW to back off if I give him the right look.

Good luck, I hope you get the birth you want.