what to put in birth and aftercare plan for hospital in middle east ??

[muminmiddleeast]

hi there
I have had a cs in the UK, but am due another in the middle east. the culture is v different here and I would love some help as to what others wished they had asked for or known about? ie NO FORMULA EVER as I plan to bf again and want my baby with me all the time, not in a nursery.

would LOVE to have a doula present but none here. not sure if hospital would go for it anyway - they only seem to listen to my dh as it is.

Hi muminmiddleeast, join the club!
Where are you out here? I'm in Saudi (Riyadh)
I've just had a CS 4 weeks ago here which was my second in Kingdom.
You are right about the culture and to be honest, it really stressed me out but one thing I've found is that you need to be VERY FIRM! (they struggle with western women being firm )

In Saudi they have this crazy thing where they want to take the baby away from you at birth and keep it in the nursery. Apparently this is what Saudi women want and they only bring baby back if you have visitors. I therefore had to be very firm, if not rude to them to keep my DS with me. They did take him away for about an hour or so after birth to wash him etc so I sent DH after him and he was running between the two of us, DS being bathed/dressed and me being stitched up for a little while but he needed the exercise anyway
I b/f my son and was very firm about that (not the done thing here) Again, just make sure you and DH reiterate your wishes and if you have to rant and rave, do it. I did however give my DS a few top up bottles of formula as it took a while for my milk to come in but he is feeding well now

We had a bit of a problem just before having the CS as the anaes (drugs man) suddenly said just before doing the spinal block that my DH couldn't be present even though it had been all agreed for months. He kept saying no so I said fine, I'm not having the baby here and started to get off the trolley. At that point thankfully my consultant turned up, had a huge arguement with the drugs man and DH was there for the CS. Just shows, you have to shout at them to make yourself heard

A friend of mine out here had her DD last November at a different hospital (normal delivery) and she had the same nonsense but just kept putting her foot down and got her own way in the end.

No knowledge of any doula's out this way though.

Just taking little man out for a walk now as he is squawking but will be back later and if you want a proper 'chat' I can give you my email address of if by any chance you are in KSA I'll give you my phone number.
Main thing is, don't worry, don't get stressed, just be firm/rude if you need to (and get DH to be VERY FIRM TOO!)

hello am in bahrain, so sorry not to be nearer to you. i have practised being firm but really am dreading the stress of a cs again plus having this fuss. ladies here as well like the baby taken away and only wheeled out for visitors... though the ladies i speak to just say you must be firm as well. any surprises that may be awaiting me? my dh is going to be present again as well, and he is anticipating a scrap. a doctor here said that nurses here don;t think they just do.

Hi, shame you are not in KSA but lucky you being in Bahrain. We'll have to meet at the Seef mall next time I escape over the causeway for the weekend!

I'm sure you'll be fine as long as you are firm and make your wishes clear. Perhaps write a birth plan (my friend who I met this morning has just written hers) and just keep reinforcing the no bottles and no taking to nursery except for checks by paediatrician (they don't tend to visit you in your room for that)
I think a problem with the nurses here is that the majority are Thai/Filipino and they just do as they are told by the most senior staff/doctors and are worried if they are not doing the hourly checks on babies etc. That was one thing that pied me off, even though I kept DS in with me, they kept coming in every hour throughout the night to see if he needed a new nappy etc or to ask what time he fed last/was changed etc. Once they woke us at 4am to take him away and weigh him. In the end, after 3 nights of this I asked the nursery nurse if she had any children. When she replied 'no madam', I said well this is my 4th so f* off and let me get on with it. I'm not usually so rude but after 3 nights of sleep deprivation due to the staff and not my baby.......

When are you having baby? Have you got a date yet? You'll have to keep in touch and let me know how you get on. Good luck x

i have met a couple doulas in the UAE. i could ask on the grapevine if they know of one in Bahrain. a good way to find if any such person is locally available is to join a breastfeeding support group. they welcome pg women.

foxy that would be v nice of you if they are accepted in hospitals in Bahrain and have experience of the nurses here?
mumoverseas it would be nice to meet up, let me know when you are next coming over

i am getting v stressed about this as i keep being told the same stuff about this baby removal, even of you have a birth and aftercare plan. i have written one but i can see they won't like it. They just ignore your wishes on the day. the head nurse of the ward told me that i couldn;t have the baby with me as if i fell asleep someone would steal it!

someone else who had their baby there, and its always the same issues, said they wished they had done it differently, ie gone home!

Hello, i had my ds2 in dubai and like mumoverseas mentioned they like to keep the baby away from you

We also had to insist that our baby stayed with us in the room, and when they wanted to take him for doc checks etc, either my husband or myself would go with him. They did think we were being very difficult for no aparent reason.

It is a very different way here, as others have said just be firm and vocal....Good luck

muminME, try not to worry too much about it as you really don't need stress at the moment.
Just be firm. If you are firm and make your wishes clear, they will have to respect them. If I was able to successfully (most of the time) win the arguments in Saudi then I'm sure you'll be fine in Bahrain. x

ooh i am stressing, i had a dreadful time here in the uk with whole procedure plus nightmare midwives but al least they didn;t try and keep my baby away from me, and am now dreading this one. my dh will have to go home and look after ds1 so i will be on my own in evening and at night. I am scared they wil come in and take my baby away and I won't be able to move as have had spinal.

also am scared they will refuse to do things on the day as we want them. i already dislike the headmidwife for telling me if i fell asleep and was alone someone would come in and steal my baby, so it should be in the nursery at all times

don't get stressed, it will be fine. I had a spinal too after my CS and obviously DH was there for a good few hours after the birth before he had to go and pick up DD. Hopefully by the time he has to go and look after your DS you will be mobile again.

The midwife sounds bloody stupid and you should just ignore her scaremongering and if she says any bullshit like that again you should tell her that they should have adequate security in the hospital to prevent that.
When are you due?

am due in june. but plan to have the baby w39 which is end may. doc wants me to have baby w37 in case i have baby early but am planning to disagree with him, my ds i had c section at 40 weeks. if i go into labour will just rush to hospital i guess.

sleepyandtired, also nervous about that- we don;t want the baby fiddled with by a doc without us there or straight after birth, have HUGE list of do's and don;ts (mostlty DON'T) for that too

mos, what do you mean spinal after your cs? am confused, thought you had it before? am losing the plot i think.

met lady who said that they spouted all kinds of rubbish to keep baby away from her, in end her husband went and shouted at admissions refusing to pay bill, they just strode into nursery and took baby back to his wife

This reminds me of being pregnant in Oman. Didn't give birth there but was there until 5 months. Had the most terrible morning sickness and was teaching full time over there and no doctor would give me any time off. All the Omani women loved telling me about how they all gave birth alone with only a mid wife and definitely no husband!

I meant I had spinal too (before CS obviously - baby brain) but then DH was there for a good few hours afterwards by which time it should have worn off and you would be able to get up and about (and get baby back if needs be)
my spinal took longer to wear off as they gave me a higher dose as I'd had previous spinal surgery and they wanted to make sure it worked!

I had my last two CS's (both in KSA) at 37 weeks (plus 1 day) and both times babys were a good weight, DD was 3.3K and DS 3.1K which is not too bad.
Honestly, I'm sure you'll be fine, if I could manage twice in Saudi which is a lot more anal than Bahrain I'm sure you'll be ok, just keep reiterating your wishes/demands to them and don't stress.

mumoverseas
I was thinking that the OP could glean a lot from your experience in KSA. Maybe linking some of your past threads here?

I have CATted you, muminmiddleeast.

foxy I would if I could but I'm IT retarded and don't know how to do it
There is another MNer out here in Riyadh who had her DD in November at a different hospital. she had all the same worries too about them taking her baby away but in the end I don't think it was as bad as she feared (I hope!) as both and her husband were both firm. Thats the key.

will do it a bit later for you/her then.
but if you...

click on advance search - see top right of the page

search your own username.

all the threads you gave posted on will come up (by category)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=birth_announcements&threadid=700726-From-Mum-Overseas#14276715

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=childbirth&threadid=638357-AIBU-to-be-seriously-fuming-that-hospital-wa nt-to-take#12998260

aaaagghh! thats the one where my DH 'outed' me by posting there instead of my Fab Feb ante natal thread the numpty!

Will have to learn to do all sorts of IT type stuff soon before DS returns to the UK for his A levels in the summer (and I lose my babysitter )

oops! great thread though. i had 'known' you already anyway from the living overseas category.

Hi foxy, am I right in thinking you are one of the lucky ones in Dubai? One of my really good friends moved there around the time I moved to KSA and she often moans about various things like the driving so I have to point out that at least the law there allows 'mere' females to drive Life would be so much more civilised there or Bahrain or in fact anywhere but here

I have just got back to the UK. I was in Abu Dhabi. I was only out there on maternity leave but came back earlier than planned as my dd1 is missing her nursery and her best friend there too much. She was also missing her own house a lot. Living in KSA is a real challenge I am sure.

I think the ohter Gulf States give women an illusion of having more freedoms (sure you are allowed to drive - with a letter of consent from your dh) but those 'advantages' can be taken away so easily that really, you are at the mercy of a benevolent (or not so ) spouse or male relative.