Am really starting to stress......................

[Overtiredmum]

OK I know this is completely normal but I am really starting to cr*p myself (not literally cos I also happen to be constipated!!). Am 32 weeks now with DC2, have decided on a home water birth, which although I am very happy with my decision, I am also very scared. DS (nearly 4) was born in hospital, no complications and although tore quite badly and was stitched, was home within 6 hours of giving birth. I was given an epidural that I didn't particularly want, so ended up with absolutely no feeling so told when to push etc. I'm scard because I now don't think I'll be able to cope with the pain. I will have no experience of any of the natural childbirth pains, or sensations and just generally scared that I just won't be able to do it (give birth naturally that is!!).

Can someone slap me please??!!!

hi overtired - have a slap !!!

dd1 was a hospital/epidural fiasco. 2 & 3 were natural no pain relief vertical hospital births hopefully no4 will be too! You will be fine - and remember you can change your mind part way through go to hospital and have an epidural.

Don't stress

A lady in my antenatal thread kindly posted this its worth a look - its nice birth stories
www.birthingbusiness.com/Book/giveaway.html

i didnt have an epidural the 1st time round but was so exhausted that when the time came to push i couldnt, i was jelly.
2nd time around i had to ask the midwives what to do and they werent helpful as they obviously thought i'd been there and done that. It was fine in the end, i think i even pushed too hard in my enthusiasm!

2nd births are usually faster and easier than 1st ones, you'll be fine...

I must admit I am very excited too, my biggest worry I think is about tearing again again and needing stitching, I really don't want that again.

Sorry, too many "agains"!!

I don't think you deserve a slap! All sounds perfectly normal to me. (and in case you hadn't noticed - you HAVE given birth naturally!)

Most women feel safer and more relaxed at home, and so experience less pain and need less pain relief. What threw DH most when DD was born (at home) was that he'd geared himself up to see me in pain - and then I wasn't (and she was 9lb 12)

Have you considered using any kind of self-hypnotherapy? I used the natal hypnotherapy CDs - I'll never know whether they helped or not, but I stayed very calm during the labour and birth and found it very intuitive to let my body do what it needed to do without trying to control it. I also had a TENS machine (used a LOT during the 1st stage) and a pool (used during transition - would probably have stayed put but had agreed to a land birth, but that's another story). You could also try perineal massage - jury's still out on whether it does any good, but its not going to make tears any worse.

The MWs will have G&A, and can probably do pethidine by arrangement - and if its all getting too much there's nothing to stop you going into hospital for something more substantial. You'll be OK, honestly.

I had an episiotomy the 1st time with 10 stitches, that took about a year to heal, 2nd time i tore a little, had a couple of stitches and healed up much much faster.

i agree, the stitches and aftermath are far worse than the labour ime...

sorry, that wasnt very helpful...

it'll all be a lot easier this time round, wish i'd had home births...some form of painkiller would have been nice too, but it was an epidural or nothing in my Spanish hospital...

i did it at home, in water, no pain relief - mior tear that i wasnt even aware of at the time, or during healing. not boasting, just saying you will be fine . my mum always told me that the first tnime you give birth is like blowing up a brand new balloon - its hard to get it all to stretch, but after you've done it once then it becomes softer and pliable and stretches loads easier so less painful anyway..hopefully it will be for you too.
i had to have an epidural after my homebirth anyway as placenta was retained and honestly cant imagine what it must be like trying to push a baby out when you cant feel anything from the waist down. from that point of view i would def prefer natural to epi - yes it hurts, but you can cope and you do cope and at home nobody is on your shoulder asking if you want one anyway, so you just get on with it. i watched gavin and stacey box set in between cx. it was quite fun actually good luck!
(sorry for typos, am nursing at keyboard!)

I had epidural first time round and was induced, tore really badly etc so had no idea what to expect in natural childbirth with DS2 last month - had twinges and a show for days at 38 weeks but ignored those (had them with DS1 and came to nothing). At 38+6, my waters went at 5.30 as was giving DS1 his dinner, contractions kicked in at 5 mins apart at 6.30 (lasting 40 secs or more) - breathed through the contractions on my birth ball. At 8ish I was wanting loo, moaning etc - then said we should go to birth centre at 8.30. Got there at just after 9 - was fully dilated - and got in birth pool at around 9.20 - DS2 was born 20 minutes later. Yes it was painful but totally different to what I expected - I spent the first hour of active labour convinced it was early labour sorting out my handbag (not a good idea btw - left out all kinds of stuff) - and the pain was manageable with breathing and vocalising. I never planned a water birth but when I saw a pool in the birthing room I was insistent I had to get in there now - and it was lovely, really calming during transition. Being able to feel to push DS2 out was wonderful and all felt v natural and had a physiological third stage too while breastfeeding DS2 - a million miles from DS1's medicalised and traumatic birth. I read Childbirth without Fear and did a Marie Mongan hypnobirthing course to help me understand the labour process and visualise a positive birth experience for DS2 and both helped I think - I'd certainly recommend them both. I tore again (2nd degree tear but nowhere near as bad with DS1) but didnt even feel the tear with DS2's birth... Wishing you all the very best for your birth...

Thanks all, theres some lovely birth stories there and they have helped. Its strange though, I feel I need to slap myself sometimes, cos I feel like I am the only woman in the world who has to experience it, then I try and remember what contractions were like before I had epidural and can't remember, so obviously if they were THAT bad I would remember and I wouldn't be doing it all over again!!

overtiredmum, just remember you are NOT alone. I am 37 weeks with DC2, also terrified, planning home water birth, had long, epidural, medicalised birth with DS (although didn't tear), and basically terrified of experiencing the full pain, even tho I had the low dose epidural which didn't work that well and was in severe pain towards the end.

I guess the worry is 'will I be able to cope with the full pain?'. the main things I'm cheering myself up with are:

1. it's statistically quicker and easier the second time, not always but usually, as your body has done it before
2. you feel better being at home, I certainly felt quite panicked by the 'going to the vets/slaughterhouse hospital atmosphere
3. have heard very good things about water, that's why I'm going for it, though wasn't initially interested
4. It is normal and ok to feel worried and negative, I'm really finding the Birthing from Within book good at the moment, it's very hippy but the basic message is motivating: yes it is hard but yes you can do it and you'll be OK. She gives you some nice food for thought and some positive images and ideas
5. you're less likely to tear, certainly tear badly, second time round. I swear by perineal massage, I really think it's why I didn't tear...
6. I personally got to 5 cm with the TENS machine and iPod set with motivating Madonna tunes etc. tens isn't for everyone but I really really was impressed with how much it helped, taking maybe 50% of the pain away.

anyway don't worry and remember you're not alone and we are all going through the same things!

Just remember its what you body is designed to do and yes it might well hurt alot but it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be (I only had g&a, had 2nd degree tear and that suction thing on DD's head)

You can and will do it and you will feel great after - as great as you can after giving birth that is

I would echo LovebeingAMummy.

Best to be realistic about it - giving birth without an epidural does hurt, no point pretending it won't and you are better off facing that than having some fluffy idea that it'll be like shelling peas!

HOWEVER.... this is your second birth so statistically likely to be shorter and easier. And being at home you will be more relaxed and that's a big factor in helping with pain. My first birth was the longest, entirely natural and was my biggest baby, but was actually my best birth experience because I was relaxed and felt strong and empowered by my midwife. There is so much more to having a positive birth than just having drugs and making it pain free!