I don't like the HB MW - should I ask that she does not attend birth?

[menolike]

I am 35 weeks pregnant. On most of my AN appointments I have seen a lovley MW who may attend the birth but my last few MW have been with another MW who i can not believe is a HB MW!

She seems to be almost anti HB! She keeps talking about transfering to the hospital ie
if you are asking for meptid/pethidiene then you need to be hospital (I'm sure I will be asking for everything under the sun at some point but i still want to be at home)/ if it takes more than 4 hours while in the pool to dilate fully you will need to transfer - er, no I will get out of the pool and it can be emptied/refilled, I'm sure you get the drift.

I'm not sure wether to just accept she might attend and ignore her ridiculous suggestions or ask that she does'nt which may make AN appointments and post natal care a bit strained.

Help!!!

Hi menolike. I have no experience of HB, but in my honest opinion, it will completely defeat the purpose to have a midwife at your HB who you do not feel is 100% supportive of HB - and most importantly, of you. So I would say either you have it out with her in the nicest possible way - ie. be honest about your concerns with her - or request someone else if you do not have faith in her ability to support you.

All the best!

Thanks Mrs Mattie. I have (sort of) spoke to her about some of my concerns in regards to her views but TBH I'm not getting a good vibe from her. prehaps its me but i honestly don't think so.

the mw who attended my homebirth with dd2 was the same one who rushed me into hospital after diagnosing dehydration in dd1, much to my disgust. of all the mws in the city why that one? my heart sank when it was her who rang back when i rang the maternity ward. BUT she was brilliant, knew her job, knew exactly what to do for me and managed to get my massive-headed baby out with no need for transferring to hospital (where, incidentally, i would have let them do anything to get the baby out, even though i actually wanted no interference).

i had also heard from other women that she actively discouraged HBs so i really thought i was in trouble when it turned out to be her. obviously i can't comment on your woman, but even if her personal opinion was that HBs are bad her professionalism enabled my mw to do a sterling job. i am so grateful to her.

If you and this midwife don't see eye to eye then I'd be worried about her undermining your ability to give birth the way you want to, and it needs to be addressed. If you're looking for the right words, could you say something like "I'm concerned because you and I don't seem to agree on how to handle certain aspects of my planned birth (give her examples). No doubt it's going to be a stressful time but it's important for me to feel in control and be able to enjoy the experience as much as I can, and I really don't feel like you're supportive of choices. Could we discuss this?" And maybe point out to her things like "It really doesn't sound like you're supportive of homebirth" - maybe she doesn't realize how she comes across. If all else fails, could you just say "I am not getting the feeling that you and I are working well together, and I'd like someone with me who will support me and my choices; if you don't feel you can maybe it would be best if you didn't attend my birth".

Good luck!!! Remember you are the star of the show - your wishes and needs are what is most important!!

janek - that is interesting that it all turned out well.

jack - I guess I am scared of the consquences but am really starting to feel there is no way we will see eye to eye! Thanks for the suggestions, I may have to pluck up the courage to have words.

I hate having words too - I'm usually much too timid - but I made the mistake of not saying anything to my MW when I was in labour with Jackbaby and it all went pearshaped... so since then I have made myself speak up when I felt it was necessary, as hard as it is.
Good luck!!

Menolike, I have had exactly the same problem. I totally agree, the last thing I want in labour is someone there who does not fully support my choice for a home birth.

There is a page on this on the homebirth reference site if you haven't seen it - with a sample letter for you to send to the head of midwifery in your area, requesting that this midwife doesn't attend your birth. Go to www.homebirth.org.uk/, the quickest way to find it is to click on 'Contents' (in the list on the left hand side) and then scroll down til you find the link to 'What if you don't get along with your midwife?'

Good luck!

Meno - I did just that a few weks ago and feel so much better for it. Patient Liaison will put you in touch with the Head of Midwifery for your area and she will speak to said midwife directly so you can avoid any confrontation. Good luck.