I so don't want to tear/have episiotimy....NHS/Private

[bracingair]

Have scar tissue from episiotomy breaking down after last birth. I am desperate not to have it again. Really desperate. Is ther anything I can do? Would go private to ensure it even

I went private twice. Wonderful care, very pampered, loads of medical staff, great food, plenty of sleep ... but had a few scrapes internally first time (though DD was born with hand by face and have read a LOT of 3rd degrees resulting from this, so I was very well cared for/lucky!) Second time DS shot out like a rocket and was over 1 lb bigger so again I had a small tear and a few stitches.
Both have healed without any problems but you still tear in the private wing

Picklesmama that must have cost you a small fortune! I don't know how anyone can afford that.........do let me know......I am clearly going wrong somewhere!

rofl betstarlitsea! Seriously though, wouldnt private help in that you get better care thus less likely to tear. I am so scared of having a midwife who wont listen to me.

I think that tearing/not tearing is not the result of NHS/Private medical care necessarily.

I think I have come to the conclusion that I am a "tearer". Am hoping for No. 3 to be tear free, but who knows.

After dd (first labour) I had tear which was stitched, but then had to be cut and restitched before could conceive ds.

So was naturally worried about ds's labour. I did tear (second degree) but it was very well stitched and healed beautifully. I didn't have an epidural, and could feel when pushing. The tear was no better or worse than the first. The main difference was that the stitching (for whatever reason) did not get infected and was very well done.

TBH I think it is more of a case of listening to the midwife when it comes to the crowning point than the other way round. Private medical care might get you a named midwife. But wouldn't necessarily buy a better midwife. And to a certain extent tearing can be something that even the best midwife in the world could not avoid.

thank you all for your replies - i am feeling a bit better about it lol.

If it is more to do with good stitching and not getting infected (which did happen to me), how can i influence that?

Obv there are excellent midwives on the NHS, but wouldn't a named midwife mean you definately get a good one as opposed to 'pot-luck'

Well, after ds was born I had baths with lavender oil mixed in milk to dissolve it. I used hairdryers to dry. And I badgered my lovely post-natal midwives to check the stitches every time they came round to check ds. On one of their last visits I said that the stitches felt like they were pulling a little, was sore to sit down, and the midwife snipped 2 that looked like they were tugging. Instant relief and meant that was not stitched so tightly that developed into a problem.

IMO the key to not tearing is to do the opposite of what I did and not panic! Listen to the MW when she tells you not to push, to pant, to take it easy. Do not freak out and push the thing out as fast as you can or you will certainly end up with a tear. My MW was great, it was me ignoring her that caused the tear. You don't know how you will react in the moment and paying for care won't make a blind bit of difference to that.

PS tearing isn't the worst thing in the world. I had a 3rd degree tear and was pretty much healed in 4 weeks (well enough to feel no discomfort apart from doing poos) and was having sex by 6 weeks. It's not a picnic but it's not that bad. You don't notice while it's happening, if that's what you are worried about. The actual moment that I tore from fanny to bum I just felt an overwhelming sense of relief as he was out