DH really did NOT wnat to know when I started to tell him I was going to go through my birth notes

[MamaG]

All I said was "I discussed going through my birth notes with HV today..."

He said "oh God its been 3 months now, why are you dragging it all up again? Just put it behind you, you're both OK. You know you had to have the CS to get him out safely. You did really well but please don't talk to me about the birth again"

and

I'm still going to do it as I am hoping it will really help me to come to terms with it and it might jog some memories too. It was thanks to a thread on here that I have remembered seeing him for the first time! Someone said they wre sad becuase the baby was all dressed when they saw him and it just sparked the memory of BabyG wrapped up naked in a blanket as the MW rememberd how importnat skin to skin was to me.

I think I'm just going to go do it and not mention it to DH again - he found it hard (the birth) as well and this is obviously his way of dealing with it.

Oh, MamaG, do it, do it (I know you're going to anyway, but just to reinforce your decision). I went to the MW first on my own to go through my notes - DH was very like PapaG, I and DD1 were alright, now could we please just let it go? However, we both ended up going back for a second visit to discuss the birth as the MW felt that some of my problems were that I felt I had let DH down by not giving birth 'naturally' to our first baby. He still didn't really get it but he came anyway. It didn't totally sort things out for us, but it made him acknowledge how I felt and he was emphatic that he did not feel let down in any way.

I think I only really appreciated how he felt about it when I was having DD3 - I was being induced, and we were discussing whether or not I should have an epidural prior to the drip being put in. He said 'Contrary to popular opinion, Pol, I do not enjoy watching you in pain. I've seen that too much in this hospital.'

I had the epidural. And appreciated that, just because he doesn't talk about it, doesn't mean he doesn't care.