Had emergency C-S: feel so sad whenever anyone says 'well done'

[Museli]

I wondered if anyone could offer some comforting words? Just over a week ago, I had an induction which led to an emergency caesarean. Though I'm grateful and overjoyed to have my baby, and that he is safe and well, I keep hearing the words 'well done!' or 'you did it!' on cards or from well-meaning friends. Every time I hear those words, I become teary and sad. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I just don't feel worthy of congratulations for something that - in my eyes - other people did for me and I didn't do myself, even though there were good reasons why the hospital staff advised the C-S.

Has anyone else felt like that, and how can I start thinking about this more positively?

Museli you have all my sympathy - DD1 was em c-s under general anaesthetic, and I did not feel I had given birth either. It does get better, I promise. There's a recent thread here discussing the difficulties in coming to terms with a section. Maybe it will help to see some other stories?

HTH

I can totally identify with you....
hope you will feel better about it soon!

There are a lot of good answers on here. I just want to add that I felt this way, too, and felt bad for a long time that I had not seen my baby - or even felt the moment when she came into the world.

But four years on I have a beautiful daughter, healthy and lovely, and, I can just say, just read the posts here and talk about your feelings - and it WILL get better. Time will heal your emotional scars as well as the physical. My scar is almost gone now. But I know in the beginning I felt like you do now. I won't forget that but I also don't feel sad about it any more.

best wishes and big hugs

Just coming back to this thread, as I should have done ages ago, to say a big 'thank you' to everyone here who offered such insightful and supportive words. Made me teary all over again at the thought that there are so many nice people out there, and also gave me a much needed laugh (EachPeach). DS is now 10 weeks old, those feelings have indeed faded, and of course there have been plenty of other more positive and challenging things to occupy my mind since week 1!

Agree with Nab09 - you did do something, you had a healthy baby. At the end of the day that is the important thing and that is why you deserve congratulations. No-one who is sensible would think of it any differently.

"It was only the birth"

You are entitled to your feelings of sadness about your birth. Becoming a mother is a huge shock, even for women who have straightforward births. Going through a three day induction and having surgery at the same time as becoming a parent is a very difficult experience in anyone's books. As mummycat says - time will help heal your feelings, as will talking it through with people who understand.

I am so pleased you feel better. I lurked on this thread before, but hadn't ever had a section myself, so didn't know what to add to be helpful really.

FWIW I think women who cope with CS and caring for a new baby are flippin' superwomen. So you should all feel proud of yourselves IMO.

I had an EMCS and TBH I felt the opposite!! I had a long and difficult labour and the CS process was hard as was the recovery so if anything I felt extra proud of myself for going through all that for him!

You have a beautiful DS and so what if he came out the sunroof instead of the, er, boot? he was still born otherwise he couldn't be here! A CS is still giving birth!

Congratulations and enjoy your LO!

for her (have DD!)

I'm jumping in a bit later here but had baby no2 on Saturday and he was supposed to be a VBAC and ended up crash section. Such trauma its awful and after the emotional turmoil on NO1 c-section I know exactly how you feel. The community MW should offer you counselling as many do now offer this service. You need to get someone to read your notes and be able to understand them and tell you why.

I was so looking forward to the whole experience and feel soooo ripped off. Even though blessed with two wonderful boys.

I had an emercency c section after a long traumatic labour. Without telling me what was going on they started to flap, rang the buzzer, more people ran in. The docotor announced they needed to get ds1 out now then they literally ran to threatre with me and knocked me out. I am very grateful they acted so quickly as they told me afterwards that if they had left it a few minutes longer ds1 would not of made it. But I felt completely traumatized, I kept getting flashbacks and nightmares about those last few moments before they knocked me out, when I felt so scared and didnt know what was going on or if my baby would survive. I felt like I had failed and been cheated out of this wonderful experience I had been planning for so long. Every time I thought about it I just burst into tears.
But I also felt selfish for thinking that, I should of been happy and grateful I finally had the healthy baby I had so longed for (I had previously lost 3). So that made me feel worse. I just kept going round in circles.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. At the moment it is so fresh and you are recovering from surgery as well as looking after a newborn. So give yourself some slack. You need to 'mourn' (if thats the right word)that you didnt get that experience you had planned for, dont feel bad for doing that. The earlier you do that the quicker you can move on from it and start to think more positively. Just because you feel this way doent mean your are not grateful for your baby. You need to seperate the issues in your mind.
We are all sold this idea that giving birth is a wonderful experience. Then when it doesnt go to plan weather due to section or just being tramatic it can be really hard to deal with it. Give yourself chance to deal with and consider asking your health visitor for ref to talk to someone about your experience.
Congrats and hope you and your baby are well

Just realised this is an older thread, sorry. I am so glad you are feeling better