Help me to want to be at home with no.3

[ilovesummer]

I have had 2 homebirths. I really enjoyed them, particularly the 2nd. I thought that I would never want to be in hospital, I don't know what it is like to give birth outside my home. In June last year I had a very bad experience of missed miscarriage, when I miscarried I had a very distressing time, I was unconscious for 20-30 mins and ended up with numerous drips. I found the experience terrifying.

I want to have a homebirth, but for the first time I am afraid.... not sure if anyone has any words of wisdom.

I'm so sorry to hear about yor experience last year ilovesummer.

What do the doctors/ midwives say about you having a homebirth? Are there any extra risks this time around (associated with the miscarriage or otherwise)? If not I think you should go for another home birth - you will be more relaxed than if you go into hospital so things are likely to go more smoothly.

If there are more risks this time, could you go to a hospital with a more 'homely' type feel? And also plan to come home immediately after the birth if all is well?

Some birth units are lovely. I was more relaxed at the Edgware because I didn't have to look at the piles of washing and crumbs on the floor when I was labouring.

THanks for replies. I have been told that there are no added risks. So logically it should be fine. I guess i am just more aware that sometimes things go wrong in life, might sound a bit strange! I was never militant about hb, i just always felt it was the safest and most relaed place. I guess i'll just have to see how i feel on the day.

You sound like you've just lost a bit of confidence in your body.
I had a v similar experience before having my fourth.
It was another homebirth and beautiful. My other children were at home with me and I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I was also the most worried I ever had been during pregnancy though.
I found that it helped to read lots of positive info and to remind myself of how amazing our bodies in childbirth. Sheila Kitzinger and Deborah Jackson most obviously came to mind.
The best thing I did though was buy the set of Natal Hynotherapy CD's here They do a homebirth preparation CD which is helpful for your 1st or subsequent births. V positive.

ilovesummer - what an awful experience you had. It's horrible when you realise that sometimes your body doesn't always work the way it should.

I've had hospital birth(no problem); home birth(heavy blood loss but otherwise ok); two straightforward miscarriages and recently a second home birth with heavy blood loss again.

What I found more important then anything thing else is that I had a midwife whom I could trust 100%, and even though I was scared with each birth, especially with the blood loss, my midwife got me through it.

If I didn't have a midwife I could trust, I would have a hospital birth.

good question loopysmumsy! I spoke to my GP about this, who herself has had a homebirth (with one of my midwives incidentally), and she thought I should probably have a hospital birth if I were to have another baby.

I'm not sure, I think it would depend on my age, and how well the pregnancy was going, and on my health in general.

But there's not going to be a next time! We're very happy with our three.

We grow up in a society which associates hospital with safety.

When I booked my homebirth my logical brain told me it was safer and better for me at home.

But an illogical little voice inside me said - hospital is safe. There are doctors there!

I think your confidence has been shaken by your mc - unsurprising given what a trauma it sounds. That little voice saying 'hospital is safer' is probably a bit louder this time round than last time.

I would echo those people who are saying to see how you feel on the day. Tell the midwife how you are feeling and tell her that you may change your mind during labour and ask to be transferred in. I think once you've done that you may be able to relax a bit more and look forward to the birth.

Thank you so much. Really helpful thoughts. I'm going to get some books out of the library to encourage me, have my bags packed, but hope for a homebirth. I can't imagine what it would be like to travel in labour, so imagine if all is well i'll stay at home. I think it is a case of lost confidence, but i'd love this my last baby to be born at home.