Just booked el-section - why do I feel so teary?

[Feeltrapped]

I posted a while back about considering an elec-section due to the fact I suffer from herpes simplex.

YOur support was great and having spoken to several midwifes and done a awful lot of research I know you are all right when you advised me that it is isn't necessary/recommended these days, but somehow I just can't get over the fear that I may cause harm to my precious baby. This fear has overshadowed the whole pregnancy and I am finding myself more and more anxious as the birth approaches. I know the risk is very small, I just don't think I could live with myself I was one of the unfortunate minority.

Anyway after a great deal of soul searching and research on the risks of c-section combared with vb, I made the decision to go ahead with the c-section (privately but in a NHS hospital). Today I saw the consultant and I have been booked in for a few weeks time.

I thought that I would feel relief but I just feel really disappointed in myself at the moment. As someone who always does what she is told and is brought up to respect anyone in authority, it feels wrong to go against the advice I've been given, even though I genuinely feel it is the right decision for me.

Please believe me when I say this isn't about missing out on the natural birth experience - although I can completely understand why some people feel that way, it's never been a major issue to me. I geneuinely don't care how my little one arrives, as long as he (and I) are healthy.

I keep reminding myself nearly 1 in 4 births ends up as a section regardless of how they started out, and that elective-sections are safer than emergency ones. And it's not as if I am doing this just because I don't fancy going through labour. But for some reason I just feel really teary at the moment.

I would love to hear any positive elec-ceasarean experience to help me gain some perspective.....

Hi fwiw I would do the same as you. I have group b strep. my dd1 had it on a swab at birth and was then high risk for meningitis for the next 3 mnths.

I lost count of the no. of times i had to take her to the hospital sick with a rash that didn't dissapear with a glass. On 1 occasion she was about 6 weeks and 3 paediatricians were arguing over whether to give her a spinal tap or not. It was a nightmare i've never felt so helpless in my life. With dd2 I made my midwife swab me bcause without a positive swab I wouldn't get antibiotics in labour.

I was so relieved when it was positive because I knew i'd be treated and she wouldn't be positive and I wouldn't have to go through all of that again.

Then with baby no 3 (ds) they gave me antibiotics again without a swab - now in this pregnancy the won't unless i test positive again but they won't test me as part of routine.

Personally I can't go through the not knowing - worry and stress again. I am hoping for another positive which is insane really!! but it means I will have a safe delivery and a healthy child. That is all that matters.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up. Whats right for you is the important thing.

Hi there,
I too had 2 elective sections (both for medical reasons). When we first discussed it with our obstetrician, he told us that it is actually a very safe way for a baby to arrive and that a natural birth can potentially present more difficulties for the baby. Obviously it is major surgery and therefore has more risk to you as the mother. However your baby arrives, s/he will love you and bond with you just the same. My two boys arrived safe and sound and we have a wonderful relationship. I don't believe that our bonding would have been any different had I given birth naturally.

It makes a lot of sense to opt for a C-section when you have Herpes Simplex, so don't feel guilty or sad, you've taken a decision that you believe to be the best one and you should be proud of that. Take care and good luck when the time comes. :0

In my 20s I had 4 babies in the normal way. Finding myself pregnant again in my 40s I expected that everything would be the same.

At 38 weeks the mw found that DD was breech, and suddenly everyone was talking CS. I am needle phobic so this was my idea of hell.

But it was great knowing when she would be born. It was even better having no labour pains . The birth itself was a very positive experience. Everyone was helpful. Recovery was much quicker than I expected. I'm not surprised so many slebs have cs. (I'd have another one )

Don't feel guilty - this is your baby and you have made an informed decision to do what is best for your baby. Don't feel as though you have taken the easy option, you are putting yourself through an operation, and putting yourself through these feelings of disappointment to ensure the welfare of your baby. So turning it round, in many ways it would have been easier for you to try a natural delivery, but from what you have read this would put your baby at risk, however small, and that risk is not acceptable to you. So don't worry about what others think, they are not in your situation. I went into labour with DD, had shoulder dystocia and a third degree tear and whilst DD was fine it took me ages to recover. I had an elective section with DS and I too felt "disappointed in myself" but the experience was wonderful, so much better and I have no regrets. Just make sure you force yourself to get up and about ASAP after the section and you'll be fine. Good luck.

In hormonal and physiological terms labour is the culmination of a process that has already started - it's part of the continuum of pregnancy. Maybe you have a sense of this but haven't put it into words, a sense of disruption that's making you feel unsettled.

I'm sure your elective will be wonderful - a lovely positive birth.

But it's also OK to grieve for the birth you didn't have.

Mine was fabulous, very calm, came into the room and had a chat about what was going to happen, then was introduced to all the staff and it was great.

Thank you, thank you, thank you... you have no idea how much better your words have made me feel and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

I really have done my reseach and made sure I am aware of all the risks on both sides and I genuinely feel I have made the right decision for me, so I was just surprisd that I felt so disappointed with myself once the final decision had been made.

Maybe I was just in shock at the realisation that I'm really having a baby in a few weeks!

Think I just need a boot up the bum and to remember that the majority of births, natural and c-s, are safe and fine,and when all's said and done it is just a small part of the whole process! I've made my decison and there is absolutely no point beating myself up and worrying about every possible eventuality.

Anyway thank you all again xx

Just to add a nice story too - close friend had c section just before xmas due to previous fibroid issues, it was lovely, she held her dd very soon after, bf no prob at all and recovery good. They are really well bonded and she has just passsed the 'allowed to drive' point and her scar is healing well.

You have already said in so many words that you want a baby not a birth so doin't feel bad about it - you will have a lovely baby in your arms (and you won't have all the irritating 'any news yet?' stuff that is my lot at 39+ weeks!!)

Take the positives - the main one of which is you are doing what you can to keep your lo safe for his/her entrance into the world!

Good luck.

Thanks Dan39 (and everyone) for making me feel so much better. The 'have you had calls must be very frustrating!!

kitkatqueen - I meant to say that I understand completely where you are coming from. That must have been so terrifying, I'm so glad your little one was okay. That is one of my main reasons against a vb - I asked what tests they would do when he is born and was told nothing unless there were any signs, ie poor feeding etc. I just can't bear to think that my first few days will be filled with anxiety about whether he is okay, as if I wont be paranoid enough as a first time mum!

Anyway thanks everyone, feeling a lot better than I did yesterday

Feeltrapped, we are completely on the same wavelength on this one.

For the 1st couple of days after dd1 was born I was just the most chilled new mummy ever. Then I got the call over the grp b strep, and within a couple of days I was the most terrified new mummy ever. Just couldn't go through that again, am really hoping they will give me antibiotics again this time.

FWIW, I think you are going to be a fantastic mum!

Good Luck!!

You're doing what you think is the best and safest for your child - never mind what others think - you're not doing this lightly, because you can't be arsed to push, you've got valid reasons.

I had an elective cs and it was a wonderful experience. Dh was with me in the room beforehand, we were chatting throughout, he was there to hold ds as soon as he was born, handed him to be to kiss (was taken away for a short while afterwards, but not cs-related) etc. I didn't have any problems with milk supply, and was bf-ing fine. Since you've considered all options, I would say relax, soon you'll have a wonderful new person in your life!

kitkatqueen - thank you, that means a lot. Will keep everything crossed that they give you the antibiotics and you don't have to go throuugh that again.

Minouminou & sallikescoffee - thank you both too. Your reassurances really help and I am stating to feel a lot better about things now

I have had three c sections so my last was elective and it was fab.
My only advice is get up and about as quickly as possible. I always do and feel normal pretty quickly. I was in the supermarket day three after my last one!

Mine was great too - a total contrast from my first hideous birth experience

I have given birth 4 times and I can honestly say that my 2 elective c-sections were by far my happiest and most wonderful birth experiences. Dh will say the same.

Have had 2 electives (and one emergency), the electives were great, couldn't have asked for better.
Both boys delivered and placed straight onto my chest, were cuddled, no probs with b/f, everyone friendly and good to us. DH was made to feel really special too.
I would do it again if i thought 4 sections was safe for me. Good luck to you xx

I must say that my elcs experience was fine, surreal but fine.

I had an emcs the first time and an elcs the second, and it was really odd walking into the hospital knowing I was going to have a baby,more like a dentist appointment I would also echo the thought, get up as soon as you can, makes it much easier to mobilise.

You are doing the right thing for you and your baby, if I had herpes simplex I would do the same. Try to enjoy it as best as you can and banish the guilt.

You will bond with your baby, be it immediately, or later, this is normal whatever method you have given birth. I bonded with one of mine instantly, one later both born by cs. It's such a special occasion, also don't forget the bloody camera as we did both times d'oh.

Thank you all - you really have made me feel so much better, I'm actually starting to look forward to it now!

Will definately take on board your advice about getting up and about as soon as possible even if I don't feel like it!

I had the most EUPHORIC elective section in November (after a traumatic emcs first time round in 2005). You will more than likely be just fine. You are absolutely doing the right thing, imo, too.

Re: bonding. I had no problems bonding after either section - second section was 3 months ago and I am still gushing with love over my DD.

I would say re: the 'getting up and about a.s.a.p' thing ...hmm, yes, but there's a fine balance. Get up and walk around - yes. Start going out and about and doing your shopping etc - NO. I rested completely for about 4 weeks after my second section and the result is that I have recovered much more quickly than first time around, when I was lugging buggies about and pretending to be just fine (upshot was I was still struggling a year on!).

My elective section was absolutely the best day of my life - I was totally euphoric for months afterwards. I can't imagine anyone having a better birth exprience tbh.

I got exactly what I wanted - e.g.prolonged skin to skin in theatre, watched the baby coming out, fabulous pain realief, my mum & dh were with me, great (calm, quiet, but excited) atmosphere in theatre, staff I liked & trusted. Breastfed (still going 2 years later) from when ds was 20 minutes old with no problems at all. Was up & showered/mobile within 6 hours of the spinal going in, ready for visitors.

It was fabulous

Another positive elcs story here, was fantastic. One thing I would urge you to do is have the screen down so you can see your baby coming out. You won't see any of your innards or anything scary, but it's a great way of getting more of a connection with your baby. I didn't and felt a little, not upset, but a bit detached from the fact that he'd come out of me as I was presented with a clean dressed baby. Apart from that it was wonderful. I stripped his clothes off almost immediately for some skin to skin, was feeding in the recovery room and it was fabulous.

One thing that was great, I'll say it at the risk of being flamed, because yes I know, vaginal birth is much better, it's more natural etc etc, but you know the best thing about an elcs, you start life off with your baby not being exhausted from a long labour.