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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Second baby due soon,what to do with DS1?

15 replies

ihavenewsockson · 29/01/2009 15:07

DS1 is 14mths and I'm due 4weeks today.
I haven't left him overnight before and I'm getting really stressed about it.

I was induced with him, went in at 8pm, he was born at 5am, home by teatime.

We haev friends nearby who are willing to come over adn stay at our place.
I'm worrying what if it doesn't go so smoothly and i end up being in labour for a couple of days.

I'm torn between opting to go home striaght from the delivery suite so we can ll be together. and staying in a night so DH can catch up on some sleep and take care of DS. I'm hoping that DS2 will be like his bro and sleep for the first 24hrs or so so I can sleep in the hospital.

Any advice or experiences? the sensible part of me is saying stop worrying, you can't plan it at all anyway. maybe it's the hormones!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

amazonianadventure · 29/01/2009 16:07

Yeah stop worrying, If your friends have offered why not?I assume your son knows your friends and it wont be like leaving him with total strangers.

Stay at home for as much of your labour as possible and it will shorten the time away from him, although also think about spending time in hospital and using it for a rest as you will have 2 very young kids at home to look after.

Hope things go ok

mumof2222222222222222boys · 29/01/2009 16:21

Don't worry.

DS1 was 2.3 when baby arrived, and I was SAHM so he was used to having me around (and I think fair to say that 2yo are more aware than 1yo??)

I spent the day wandering around with GPs looking after DS1, - I was fine, but didn't want him to see me shouting or in pain - went to hospital at midnight, had DS2 at 3am, was home by lunch. don't think DS1 noticed my absence!! It was a much better labour than the 5 days I had with DS1.

My brother had a 14 month gap between his...and as no 1 had arrived so quickly, and they weren't sure what to do with DS1, they had baby at home....it worked for them, but not my idea of fun!

PlumBumMum · 29/01/2009 16:24

one thing you don't get sleep in hosp everyoneelses babies crying

Gorionine · 29/01/2009 16:36

I was worried about the same thing when about to give birth to ds2 (dd1 had never spent a night anywhere else but home or wit anyone else but DH and I) In the end I decided I was more comfortable with DH staying at home with her and have no one but the midwife ( who happened to be fab!)with me during labour. It worked out so nocely that we did the same with DS3 and DD4.

Whatewer option you choose it has to be the one that keeps your mind free of any worries outside giving birth!

I agree with Plum! and when there is a gap between two babies crying, someone comes to vacum the ward or a phone rings!

BInLondon · 14/02/2009 22:35

I would love to hear more feedback on this topic since I have been wondering myself how to sort out childcare for my DD while the next baby arrives (I'm 32 weeks and still haven't figured out a plan).
In my case, I'm not so worried about her being with someone new (she's 2 and seems to adapt ok to new people), it's finding someone who will be available at short notice. All of my family members (parents, sisters, in-laws) are abroad & can't come at that time; I live in E. London but my close friends are scattered around the outskirts of the other sides of london (and by and large do not have cars), and my friends in the neighborhood are all mostly working mums with their own 2-yr.olds. I had a sitter in mind but she turns out to be unavailable then. I don't mind paying a sitter for several hours, but I don't know if it's realistic to count on a new sitter to be available at the drop of a hat for a 4-week window....
I think my nearby 'mum friends' might be OK if I had to put her with them, but I'd hope not to (and my ideal would be, if things started in the middle of the night, if someone could come to our place and let DD1 just sleep as normal). None of these friends have offered to help yet, and I don't hold it against them as they are have their hands full. I wonder if there is an option besides asking them bluntly, which may make things awkward if they don't want to. DD does go to nursery part-time but who knows if the new baby will arrive on a day when she's scheduled to be there or when they could take her extra(?).
My main worry is that the contractions for next baby will start coming at a time like 1 a.m., and hearing that the 2nd babies are quicker to come, I don't think I would want to wait around til a "normal" hour like 8 a.m. to call a friend/sitter/her nursery.
I don't mind paying but would it be realistic to be calling friends at 2 am....to say,I'm coming over? and would my DD1 be manageable to plunk down with them overnight?
The other option is to have my DH stay at home and do things w/o him in hospital but I would really want his support during that time.
Any suggestions?

cory · 14/02/2009 22:43

One thing to remember is: you may be short on sleep in the hospital through other babies crying- but once you get home your ds1 will expect business as usual, you to be there for him, normal service resumed. Far more difficult if he can see you and knows you are home, yet can't climb all over you/gets told to leave you alone. A rest cure it ain't. When I had ds, my Mum looked after ds while I recuperated for several days in hospital. I needed that!

dinny · 14/02/2009 22:45

I had the same worries with my second so I had a doula, in case our childcare (friends) didn't work out and he had to stay with dd

as it happened, I had dh and the doula at the birth

this time, my mum has come to stay till the baby is born - much less stressful as we can go at any time of night

BInLondon · 16/02/2009 09:51

That is a good point, Cory, about needing help beyond the delivery day. I can see about having a babysitter planned somewhat ahead for one of those folling dates.
Dinny, I have thought about the doula--but I worry that 1) I've left it rather late and 2) aren't they expensive? Ones recommended on other mumsnet threads are around £500 for the childbirth package; I'm don't think I would need the 'support' aspect of a doula as I feel fairly confident about the birth (DD1 came out ok and during those difficult moments I did manage to get my needs met).
However it is worth considering so thanks for the input! Sadly my mum isn't able to come until 3 weeks after the delivery date--just late enough for me to be sure that the baby should arrive before then!!

estobi1 · 16/02/2009 20:06

things will honestly work out. You are absolutely normal for worrying but it will be fine. I remember seeing my dd's face looking at me in a hospital bed seeing looking a bit unnerved but you will be able to put that right with a nice cuddle and if your friends can look after him whilst you are having your baby it will all be fine. He will so quickly forget that mummy went out for a few hours and you will just work through it. 3 weeks on however, the arrival of your mother will be a god send! Good luck i hope everything goes well for you

LuLuBai · 16/02/2009 20:33

BInLondon - I haven't got any advice to offer - but if it is any consolation I am 33 weeks and have put no plans in place for DD yet. I really have no idea how best to manage the situation. I honestly think that the best thing might be for DH to stay with her and to have Baby 2 on my own with midwife (v. glad to hear other mums have found this solution worked for them) but worry about depriving DH of being there to see his child born.

BInLondon · 18/02/2009 12:22

hi there, thanks for your thoughts and im glad i am not the only one in this situation! I agree, going to the hospital without the husband isn't ideal, so maybe I should really be bold and ask my friends point-blank if they would be willing to be my 'back-up' plan (although knowing that for the middle of the night I have no other plan). I will also ask the midwife next time if she can give me an estimate of how short the average second labour is, so i have a better idea of what window I have.

LuLuBai · 18/02/2009 16:04

I think it is still a bit 'how long is a piece of string'. Likely to be faster than the first but no saying how short as far as I can understand. So a mother I know who had her first in an 1.5 hours had her second in 45 mins (lucky moo!) but as my first was 23 hours my second could still be quite long.

I'm staying 100 miles from home at the moment on my own with DD (DH works away from home most of the week anyway). So I have got myself ready in case I go early - bag packed, taxi money to get me to nearest hospital etc but as for DD - she will have to be in the delivery suite with me if necessary.

Was also looking at a company advertised on MN called Sitters. Will run it past DH but think it may be worth registering with them and then seeing if they happen to have anyone available in event of an emergency.

saralou · 18/02/2009 16:14

what we did was draw up a list of people, speak to them and check it was ok that we called at the last minute

i also had a second birth partner so if dh had to leave/couldn't get anyone it was ok and i wasn't left alone

as it was i had to be induced so we could plan in the end

dh came later after dropping ds off and i was already in labour at that point... he also left early after ds2 had been born to get ds1 and my best mate stayed with me

so i recomend a back up birth partner

loobylu3 · 18/02/2009 18:49

I really don't think that you have too much to worry about as you have a few friends who have offered to stay the night.
The second birth is likely to be quicker than the first. I would play it by ear and so how you/ DH and DS feel at the time.

If it makes you feel any better, DH and I had to take DD into hospital when DS was born and she was there throughout the birth (she was 2.5 yrs and grown up for her age). We had no choice as had just moved at 37 weeks to The Isle of Wight where we knew no one and had no relatives able/ prepared to stay with us. It was a bit rubbish really but sometimes you have no choice!!

notperfectmum · 18/02/2009 22:57

I worried about this when DS2 waqs born, luckily my mum came to stay. I had always stayed with DD1 until she went to sleep and was worried she wouldn't settle for anyone else, but she loved the adventure! Had two other sets of baby friends also lined up in case of emergency ie if baby came early (I wish!!!)

Looked after a friend DS1 when she went into hospital with DS2. Had agreed I would go to them during the night so as not to disturb DS1 to much but he would come to us during the day. My friend went into hospital at about 6.30am so DS1 came to us and played with my DD all day.

It's an adventure for them too!

Hope it all goes well.

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