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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Do you feel positive about your birth - however it happened?

52 replies

tittybangbang · 28/01/2009 14:59

Just cleaning out my files and came across an article about a Mother and Baby Magazine survey from 2005 about women's birth experiences.

According to this 80% said they were 'frightened' during labour and birth and 75% said that their labour was 'more painful than they ever imagined'.

Well, looking back on my first birth I can honestly say that I was frightened, overwhelmed and was in far more pain than I ever thought possible,

and yet....... came away from the experience feeling thrilled by the whole thing - despite the fact that as births go it was fairly complicated and wasn't managed in the way I had wanted (9lbs 6oz baby, forceps birth after long labour, lots of drugs, lots of vomiting, lots of intervention).

Is this a paradox? Wondering how other people feel looking back on their births.

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Rosa · 28/01/2009 15:05

I had 2 fairly easy births - I was more concerned with tearing at the second as I had 2degree with an infection and I felt all stitches as they were being done (OUCH). MW for No2 was very understanding especially at last stages and I ended up with 6- which I had lots of local anasthetic . I was frightened at first but I just went with the flow and tried to stay calm - I can say that both were positive and yes painful but if I had to do it again I would !

OrmIrian · 28/01/2009 15:07

I don't remember by birth. Blardy hell it was a long time ago

But I agree. First time round it was overwhelmingly painful and frightening. But the fear was the most frightening thing. Once I knew what to expect the second and third were much better.

I think of all 3 as some of the most amazing and satisfying experience of my life.

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 15:12

All my births were horrible and I dont feel positive about any of them, infact I feel a failure!

Had 2 emergenct C-sections and a ventouse and sometimes feel less of a woman as I havent been able to give birth normally, or without help.

I would love to be one of those Mummies who say ' I had a 10lb baby with only gas and air', but alas its not to be. I wont be having anymore as I cant deal with the stress! And I have three beautiful children anyway - however they arrived!

Niecie · 28/01/2009 15:13

I feel positive about the birth of DS1 despite, like you TBB, having a longish labour, drugs, forceps and pain along with the fear and feeling completely out of my depth.

On my first post-natal visit by the HV, she was going through my notes and said, 'Cor, you had a really tough time, didn't you'.

I was really surprised by that. I had no illusions before hand that labour would be easy (it isn't called labour for nothing) and it was as I expected it to be. However, I got through it, didn't have a CS despite 'threats' and I had DS1 so I really didn't think it was that awful. On the whole it was a positive experience.

thisisyesterday · 28/01/2009 15:16

i don't feel positive about ds1's birth. I feel I was naive, uninformed and that it could have been so much better.

I feel incredibly positive about ds2's though, which was just wonderful. albeit bloody painful

SydneyB · 28/01/2009 15:33

I feel positive about both my births. Even though the first one ended in an episiotomy and a v long pushing stage etc. Second time was at home on my terms and although blinding agony as midwives didn't get here in time to get gas and air ready and DS was 10lbs, I did it my way, followed my body and it happened without an intervention. Still I guess I feel positive about both of them because I did it. And because I know I don't have to do it again!

MKG · 28/01/2009 15:43

I absolutely loved giving birth. The first time was better than the second as far as experiences go, but I'm so looking forward to doing it again. But both were 3 hour labors with no pain medication, a little 2nd degree tear, but on a whole two great experiences and I wish everyone would have an experience like the ones I've had.

TotalChaos · 28/01/2009 15:47

I feel positive about DS's birth, despite having a long labour, drugs, ventouse and a distressed baby. I felt the quality of care was very good once I started having problems and was transferred up to the consultant led unit. I always expected the birth to be painful and messy, so I think I had realistic expecations (expected to have a short labour like my mum though). The aftercare on the other hand was a different story, I may have future bladder problems due to a crap night shift mw .

OneLieIn · 28/01/2009 15:47

Yes, DS's birth was a life enhancing experience. DD's birth was positive, but not as good.

TotalChaos · 28/01/2009 15:48

I think in my case the key reason for feeling positive is because I felt well looked after by the labour ward MWs and doctors, rather than because the birth was in anyway a good one.

Haribosmummy · 28/01/2009 15:49

I had a wonderfully positive experience with DS's birth. I had the birth I totally wanted (El CS) and it was lovely.

I healed really well afterwards, the care was fantastic.

If I am ever lucky enough to have another DC, I'd like the same experience again please!!

ShowOfHands · 28/01/2009 15:52

No, I feel extremely negative about it. I feel failure, guilt, sadness, anxiety, regret.

I can't even imagine having a 2nd because of my fear of delivery.

Lulumama · 28/01/2009 15:55

SoH.. [hug] no-one could have tried harder than you

cyteen · 28/01/2009 15:57

yes, i do feel very positive about it. no interventions, minimal drugs, not a lot of drama despite a middle stage that felt at the time like my midwives were trying to torture me. i ended up with piles from hell and a fanjo full of stitches but they were as nothing compared to the beautiful boy that i had managed to grow and push out

if you'd asked me an hour after labour i would have said something different, but it's amazing how quickly i came to see it as a whole experience rather than being stuck on the bad bits.

sorry if that sounds smug or anything, i know i was very lucky to have such a good experience.

Oblomov · 28/01/2009 15:59

I feel fantastic about both my births. And I feel priveledged, after talking to some other women who have clearly been traumatised.
I had cs's for both. Ds2 was emcs, but I was in little pain for either, never frightened - EVER. Enjoyed pushing. I feel really lucky. I think I am in a minority.

ShowOfHands · 28/01/2009 16:02

Thanks lulu, you've made my lip wobble a bit. I wish I could find it in myself to believe I tried hard enough.

Oblomov, you enjoyed pushing? Really? Have you tried other hobbies? Crafting? Really, pleasure can be a gentle thing.

PeachyBAHonsPRSCertOnRequest · 28/01/2009 16:07

Mine all differed and they were all positive in their own ways

ds1 em induction eclampsia but I still am in awe at how my body managd to birth him unaide in that situation and how it cared for him despite being so high risk at the end (IUGR)

ds2- completely natural, 40+ hours P but almost pain free; again nature sorted it and turned him just as he needed to be turned

ds3- 4 hours straightforwards

ds4 under an hour on the living room carpet, main pain relief PMSL to 2DTV

For a long time I was very traumatised by ds1's birth but have begun after ds4's birth to learn to focus on the positives and it's immensely beneficial.

I don't know why CS mums feel they ahve failed. I don't think they have at all, to nurture your baby for a pregnancy and then give it your love and care is not a failure.

jazzandh · 28/01/2009 16:08

Thinking about this, I feel really sad for all those who feel upset and traumatised by their experiences.

I have tried to dredge up something - I had em cs - but to be honest for me it was a means to an end. I didn't ever feel frightened though (although think DH was for a bit) - and for that I am grateful.

The whole thing was washed away once DS was born - a means to an end really.

MKG · 28/01/2009 16:08

SOH---You tried so hard. You don't give yourself enough credit for what you have done. Sometimes I think you need to have another so you can have a beautiful birth and prove to yourself that you are more than capable and deserving of a wonderful experience. xxx

LeninGrad · 28/01/2009 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumama · 28/01/2009 16:11

SoH, you pushed for 6 hours ! how much harder could you have tried... you coped with a prolonged and exhausting labour. you could not have done one more thing. you must allow yourself to feel ok about it. you did something amazing.. that level of perserverance is superhuman

WibblyPigRocks · 28/01/2009 16:12

Yes, it was painful (anyone for an understatement?!!) and yes, I didn't imagine I would have an epidural or that DS would be born by ventouse - but I thought it was the most fanatastic, amazing, wonderful experience of my whole life.

I felt in control because I knew what was going on and I had wonderful DH with me - albeit a slightly 'stoned' DH as he was enjoying the gas and air every time the midwife left the room!!!!

My SIL once said to me that birth was the most wonderful pain she had ever been in and at the time I thought she was off her rocker or bullsh!@g for England. But now I know she's right!!

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/01/2009 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MKG · 28/01/2009 16:23

Thanks for the visual Starlight. I'll remember that in March. LOL

Oblomov · 28/01/2009 16:43

ShowofHands, yes really I did. But that was becasue the pain was totally manageable. I didn't get to the pushing bit with ds1. ANd I always imagined that I would not be able to cope witht he pain of childbirth. I always assumed that I had a very low pain threshold. As it was, yes it was painful, yes I was panting, moaning, but it was bearable. And I had not expected that.
Plus, I was not pushing for that long, becasue my blood sugars plummeted, they lost the trace, and I ended up with emcs, but it was all quite calm. And I feel good about it.
Shall I take up finger knitting ?

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