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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Will the fear ever go away ? (Long, sorry)

9 replies

MrsMagooo · 21/01/2009 10:22

I have 2 DC & DS is coming up 6 months, his birth (the PG in general) have left me terrified of ever getting PG again let alone giving birth again

I'm really sorry as this is very long....

DDs birth was pretty straight forward, 10 hours from first contraction to placenta being delivered, on G&A & one shot of pethidine (sp) - did have to have to be cut twice which wasn't fab but was a pretty textbook birth. Afterwards wasn't great, stitches burst, got an infection & had PND

But I got through all of that with counselling & AD's & the support of my lovely DH.

When I got PG with DS I thought that 2nd time around the birth would be straight forward & not to long - as did my MW.

The pregnancy was quite hard going as I felt very ill all the way through, low BP, low iron so I felt very dizzy & faint most of the time & generally very wiped out.

I was rushed to hospital at 33 weeks as I was getting contractions. I ended up having to be transferred to Kings Lynn (about 2 hours drive from us) by ambulence as the SCBY unit in our hospital was closed as it was full & KL hospital was the only one free with both a SCBU cot free & a delivery suite free at the same time. Thankfully the staff were beyond excellent & with the aid of a drip, steriods etc etc labour was halted. I did have to go back again a few days later as I was getting contractions again but thankfully they stopped of their own accord!!

In the lfollowing weeks I had to be scanned a few times as they were concerned about DSs weight as I was measuring small - but all was fine.

After weeks of worrying DS would come early I eventually went into labour at 39+5.

About midday my waters broke & were tinged green so went straight to delivery suite where they confirmed I had meconihem (sp!!) in my waters.

I was only 1cm dilated which obviously meant nothing seeings as DS was my 2nd.

As my contractions were far apart & not very strong they hooked me up to a drip to try & speed up labour.

By about 7pm I was only 3cms - at this stage started on the G&A & had a shot of pethidine (sp)

I was constantly hooked up to a monitor so wasn't able to really walk around which was frustrating.

By about 11pm contractions were almost on top of one another & the pain was unbelieveable - I couldn't believe how painful it was, was 10 times worse then my labour with DD. I felt like I would pass out with the pain, by this point I was literally begging for an epidural so the MWs fetched the anaesthetist who agreed I could have one.

So got me all settled & proceeded to put the epidural in - unfortunately for whatever reason it didn't work & the pain was as intense as ever - the anaesthetist was fab & was trying everything he could to get it to work.

By this point I was 5-6cms dilated & just wasn't progressing, I had noticed that DSs heartrate had been dipping from time to time & then all of a sudden the room just flooded with people. The monitor was turned away & I could see the MWs & doctors talking & pointing at the monitor etc. DH was in the corner of the room looking as pale as anything & like he was going to be sick.

I was then asked to shift position a few times but they were still concerned.

I was then told they needed to get a sample of blood from DS to check his oxygen levels - so I was tipped right back on the bed, legs in stirrups (I was begging the MWs to be careful as had severe SPD) - for whatever reason DS wasn't coming down so he was very high up & they were really struggling to get a sample - they tried & tried but just couldn't reach him.

It all starts to get a little bit hazy here as I was in so much pain I don't really remember much except looking at a photo on the wall!!

I couldn't hear the monitor anymore as I think it had been turned down by this point.

Eventually it was decided that DS was in to much distress to continue my labour naturally & that an EMCS was needed.

So we were taking down to the theatre - as the epidural hadn't worked I was given a spinal which worked within seconds.

I was then joined by DH & they talked us through everything & advised us that DS would be taken over to the table to be checked etc & that SCBU were on stand by should they be needed.

DS was born at 00:38 weighing 7lbs 10oz & was absolutely perfect - he came out with a very heart cry & was a lovely colour

I was so relieved that all was well that I think I finally started to think about what had happened & promptly threw up all over the poor MW!!

I have to say I cannot fault the staff - they were all excellent, I felt very well looked after, very well informed & cared for & they were all so lovely & so sweet & I am truly grateful for that.

But now I have been left terrified that I will get PG (both DD & DS were planned btw) & that I will have to go through another CS which actually makes me feel paniced.

DH & I had always said that we only wanted 2 babies but my brother has recently announced that he (well hsi wife) is expecting & I can't help but feel a little sad that I won't have any more.

But at the same time I'm terrified that if I did get PG I wouldn't cope with the thought of the birth. Sometimes I get frightened to have sex as terrified I'll get PG (Not that I would think we would as both DC were planned & before TTC I'd never even had so much as a late period)

I've had a few issues with my scar as it took a while to heal completely & even now it gives me trouble (achy, dragging feeling etc) - whilst I can't fault the staff during my labour the aftercare was appalling & I think that probably doesn't help.

It's hard to explain what I'm waffling on about & I know that really & truly what I went through is nothing as DS is here & he's fine & for that I am so incredibly grateful.

Sorry I'm waffling on now - I'll get my coat!

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WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/01/2009 10:31

Poor you it sounds like you have had a really hard time.

I had a terrible first birth, and then what should of been a textbook second one. However I felt so scarred by the first that I spent most (and I do mean most) of my second pg in tears and was terrified all through my labour that something was about to go horribly wrong, I have been depressed and scared for months and am only just starting to get better.

For that reason I know I won't have any more babies, and I too am quite scared to have sex as I am terrified of getting pg, fortunatly dp is very understanding.

Sorry this probably isn't any help, but I do know where you are coming from.

morningpaper · 21/01/2009 10:32

It all sounds very traumatic and I think perhaps you would benefit from talking it through with someone?

Have you heard of The Birth Trauma Association? They might be able to help.

It sounds REALLY AWFUL and you should accept that you are entirely entitled and allowed to feel the way you do (in fact it is quite a normal response to a horrid experience).

I don't know if this helps at all but I had a friend who had a planned c-section and said it was the calmest most amazing experience of her life and totally the opposite of her emcs.

Good luck xxx

MrsMagooo · 21/01/2009 10:41

Thanks for taking the time to read & reply to me - I really do appreciate it

Where I'm sorry to hear you have felt a similar way, I'm pleased to hear you have an understanding DP

Morning thank you for the link I'll have a look at that

Xx

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MrsMagooo · 21/01/2009 10:41

Thanks for taking the time to read & reply to me - I really do appreciate it

Where I'm sorry to hear you have felt a similar way, I'm pleased to hear you have an understanding DP

Morning thank you for the link I'll have a look at that

Xx

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no5 · 21/01/2009 10:41

Im sorry to hear you had terrible experience and terrified from child birth. Im myself have two dcs, a boy and girl, many people think we dont need another child. I would love to have another child but in reality i probably wont cope, also i have had many after birth complications, and i need surgery to rebuild pelvic floor etc...( its long story)
I fully understand your feeling. Both my children was delivered by natural birth with no drug, i had gas and air 2nd time, as i know what to expect iyswim.
I often wish i had other options to avoid tears and other damage to my body. I wish i had CS twice was offered due to baby been breech,and over due. But silly me, decided to go have natural birth. I regret now, because i cant have another child, second i have endless consults, theraphys,checks, recently my consultant agreed i need surgery, and it will be done in the next year.
In my experience when time go, it will get easier. ( i hope) I now accept we are not having another child. DH is quite happy with two, and he does not put me thru again pregnancy and child birth. I would recommend to see you gp, they can refer you to specialist.
Good luck

MrsMagooo · 21/01/2009 10:46

No5 I think people do assume that don't that - that as we have both a son & a daughter we don't need another baby.

Admittidly DH & I had always said 2 babies & we were lucky enough to be blessed with 2 beautiful healthy babies & have one of each - but right up to DSs birth there had been a little part of me that thought actually 3 would be nice.

In a way I now feel like the option has been taken away from me as the fear is all consuming.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time - I hope your surgery helps you get back on track.

I hadn't really thought of seeing my GP - probably a very good idea thank you

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cyteen · 21/01/2009 10:54

MrsM that all sounds so terrifying, please don't underestimate the impact that weeks of worry and suffering on top of the birth itself can have.

I know there is an ongoing birth trauma support thread on here somewhere that may be helpful to you Wishing you all the best.

no5 · 21/01/2009 10:57

Yes, if you seee you GP, they can refer you to specialist. After had DD i had loads of water problems and i assumed it was normal, it took me over 1 year to realise i need to talk about it.
I always find this is the subject that you dont talk to people in RL. But you need to talk to someone and take the whole experience out of your mind. If you want to talk to me please feel free, you can cat me. Im regular, just namechanged. You probably know me Im recovered pram addict

MrsMagooo · 21/01/2009 11:03

Thank you Cyteen - I think it's only recently that I've started going over it all in my head IYKWIM.

Oooo No5 you have me intrigued as to what your previous MN was I will definately speak to my GP, hadn't even thought of doing that I've tried talking to DH & as lovely as he is, he doesn't really get it IYKWIM?

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