I really want a c-section

[onyourmarks]

Okay, I know I am committing a cardinal sin here but here goes:

This is pregnancy number 2 and I'm at 20 weeks.

I had a really long labour with DC1, it was stressful, lack of birth partner being really present (my back up was not so helpful), DH was abroad and managed to book and get on a 14 hour flight in order to be with me. Although I went into labour spontaneously, I had to be pushed the whole way as my contractions would get up to speed and then drop away completely to the extent that the 3rd shift of midwives didn't believe I was in labour despite 1st shift having broken my waters for me.

DH is likely to be away again (and given nature of his job he can't ask to me near me during the end of my pregnancy. I can only hope its not too far away this time.

Eventually DC was born, with tearing.
The midwife made such a bad job of stitching me up the knot they left there didn't dissolve and had to be cut out rather painfully later.

DC had some problems which wasn't picked up on any scan which shocked and upset me (i was informed of these issues in a particularly crass way). I wasn't able to breast feed anyway, but because I was so tired and numb my milk didn't even come in despite expressing for Britain. There is a high chance that DC2 will have same problem, and although I would be very upset (tho its not a life threatening issue) I would be able to cope better with emotion it think.

The whole experience of giving birth 'naturally' has quite frankly scared me and has reduced my sex life to the extent that its almost a miracle that I'm pregnant at all. I know its mostly in my head - but i can't bear it having the same effect again as I'm not sure how DH will cope.

Oh and my pelvic floor is already almost nonexistent - and I'm getting some help for this . . .

And I know that everyone says that No.2 is much easier, much quicker but my 'luck' simply doesn't work like this.

So after much waffling - sorry - how do I get a c-section without paying for it? 'Cos if I could, I would and I wouldn't be having sleepless nights about it.

i think given the emotional reasons and the scarring you probably have your request is entirely reasonable, is your midwife on an even enough keel to discuss this? as long as you can demonstrate you realise the consequences of the procedure and you can really tell them why you feel this would mean a better start for you and your baby i don think this should be aproblem.

It's not a cardinal sin to not want to undergo that sort of terrible experience again - but I don't think a c section is the answer either. It is major surgery which has a long recovery period and risks serious complications for you, your baby and for any future pregnancies you might have.

A few thoughts: have you ever had any sort of debriefing on your last birth? If not you should be able to request your notes and have a midwife go through them with you. You can then start to plan for how you might want things to be different. There are strategies you can use to make a difference. You might want to use water or move about more than you felt able to last time.

Birth partner - the situation with your dh must have been horribly stressful for you and tbh I think that's part of the reason you had such a bad time. Birth is a very basic process and your body won't permit you to deliver a baby into a world that doesn't feel safe. You need a really, really good back up - either someone such as your mum who you trust implicitly or perhaps a doula - somebody whose experience can give you strength and confidence.

Pelvic floor - right well you're getting help with this so that's good. It's not just the birth that knackers it btw - carrying the baby does too so actually by the time you get to labour most of the 'damage' is done!

You can speak to your consultant about a c - section and I think they will be sympathetic - but it's not your only option. Good Luck!

Hello,
have you discussed how you feel with your midwife? If you feel a section is the way to go you'll need refering to a consultant. NICE guidelines state that, with everything taken into account, the mother's wishes should take priority, so don't feel that you will have to fight for a section, but obviously you will need to discuss your reasons with the consultant.

Sorry to hear you had such a rough time - it does sound like some of the problems you had - and worries you have now - weren't directly to do with the labour/birth itself (partner being away etc) and maybe you would benefit from talking it through with a birt trauma counsellor? Sorry, I'm not going to go all 'woolly' on you, but a section is a major op (I know, had one and due another in a fortnight) and can bring about it's own problems. In my case, a wound infection and great difficulty feeding dd. It took me about 6 weeks to get back to my usual self and my scar was tender for several months.

Have a chat with your midwife and take it from there

Thanks for this, I am now eventually getting some counseling for trauma - though to be honest it's not progressing well as I have to fill in a lot of forms and what with Christmas, New Year, flu and that she only works one day a week (and I have difficulty finding childcare) we don't meet as often as is necessary.

And as for more DCs - this is the last one!

Go for it!

I've had all types of delivery.

Spontaneous VD, induced VD, emergency CS and planned CS.

The planned CS was by far the best and the easiest to recover from ( I had tears with both VD deliveries)

Good luck.