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Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Home birth: what did you do with the other dcs?

26 replies

Belgianchocolates · 15/01/2009 16:24

I was going through the home birth thread that's active at the moment and some of you mention the other dcs. I'm hoping for a HB with dc3. DS is 7 and dd is 5. It would be nice to know what everyone did with the other dcs, just to have an idea what to do with my own if I go into labour out of school hours. Did anyone have them with them for ther birth? Were they in the house? Were they around and popping in and out? How did they react to seeing their mum in labour if they did see you labouring?

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LadyPinkOfPinkerton · 15/01/2009 16:29

DS1 was 4 at the time and he slept through it, as it was during the night. There is nothing that will compare to his face when he got up in the morning and found there was an extra person in the house

A lot of babies seem to come when the DC are asleep at HB's. I think your body waits until you are relaxed and ready.

I did have friends on call to take DS if it was during the day.

HB's are fab BTW

kazbeth · 15/01/2009 17:12

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reikizen · 15/01/2009 17:16

When my mum had us at home, the other children all slept through it but I sent DD1 to her Nana's for the night as I was planning on taking my castor oil and HAVING THAT BABY so as to avoid hospital! I appreciate that is not always possible when labour starts though.

Leanne5 · 15/01/2009 17:22

My children were also in the house. They slept right through as both my homebirths happened during the night. I had my mum come over to my house both times just in case they woke up and didn't like it. In the end she ended up being a great support to me, even though my homebirths were so much better than my hospital births, it was nice to have an extra person there for me.

I would have a home birth over and over again. Most fantstic experience for me and I hope everything goes really well for you.

delightedoldbag34 · 15/01/2009 20:01

hello belgian - I was wondering the same thing! DD1 is 7 and DD2 is 2 so no idea what to do with them either....... will be watching with interest to see the recommendations!

Original poster
Belgianchocolates · 15/01/2009 20:11

Looks like most of the time the babies came at night and the dcs slept right through it.
However I still wonder what it was like for those of you who gave birth during the day. My ds came in the middle of the night, but my dd came late morning (10.20), so I'd like to have an idea what to expect if my dcs happen to be around.
Hi to you to delighted

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feetheart · 15/01/2009 20:20

DD(2.9 at the time) was around whilst I laboured though she was often in another room ie watching TV whilst I was in the kitchen then in kitchen having tea whilst I was in living room. Had SiL with us and she got DD ready for bed and was reading her stories in bed when DS was born in the living room. DD came downstairs to see him within minutes and then went upstairs, went to bed and slept through the night as usual

fruitshootsandheaves · 15/01/2009 20:21

had mine in the daytime
DS1 (DD1 nearly 2). I had no plans which was a bit silly as I didnt really want DD there when it got to the end bit. Luckily our neighbours took her.

erm DD2 (DS 21 months DD 3) although they were around my MIL decided to take them for a walk just to keep them busy, much to her annoyance DD2 arrived while they were out!

DS2 (DD1 8, DS1 6, DD2 4) was a bit tricky as DD1 was well aware that things weren't right. As it happened I had my dad and my sister over for lunch and despite them trying to leave when the ambulance arrived!(they had always said they would never babysit) DH told them they had to stay as there was noone else to look after the others. That was the only time they babysat!
I had made other plans for a friend to have them but as DS was early they weren't back from holiday till the next day.

sarah293 · 15/01/2009 20:22

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fruitshootsandheaves · 15/01/2009 20:22

oh and after DD2 was born DD1 rushed in to see me demanding to see the "big hole in mummy's tummy where the baby came out!"

DisenchantedPlusBump · 15/01/2009 20:25

They slept

LittleSarah · 15/01/2009 20:31

I'm planning a home birth with this yin (like I had with dd) and I'm going to have my mother on standby. If it all happens in the evening great but if not I shall need someone to take her. She'll be five and I just know that the little madam would be jumping all over me and dh the whole time!

The sleeping through it sounds great but our flat is not that big so I do worry slightly the commotion might wake her.

Loopymumsy · 15/01/2009 21:04

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lessonlearned · 16/01/2009 15:00

I just noticed this post and have to tell you that my son stayed through the birth of his sister. He could have gone next door and actually said he was going just before she was born but the midwife said "before you go would you like to see a miracle?". As he turned around he saw her emerge and stayed until later.
He went to the chippy with DH and told the lady in the shop that his mum just had a baby. She asked if he had been to the hospital and he told her no she's not in hospital, she's waiting for her chips!
He kept telling people it was great and that she was tied on with a big blue rope!
I have to say it was all very quick with no complications but even so it was a bit difficult to smile my way through it - the nearest I could do was sort of grimace!
He is now 24 and I dont think the experience harmed him.

Original poster
Belgianchocolates · 19/01/2009 10:12

Thanks for all the reactions. Have been almost non stop at work on since fri, so had not been able to reply earlier. Lesson it was nice to read your experience. How old was your ds when he was at the birth? Maybe I should let my dcs choose.

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pinknatalie · 20/01/2009 22:36

i had a hb with 2nd child - child 1 went to stay at the grandparents (she was only 2) for a couple of nights so she thought it was great as not only did she get a baby brother she also got a little holiday at nannas!

PlainOldPeachy · 20/01/2009 22:38

My ds's 1 and 3 dont sleep, ever. except the night ds4 was born.

They settled, then awoke 20 minutes or so after, came down to meet ds4 then resettled

perfect

VinoEsmeralda · 20/01/2009 22:40

Contractions started at 2am and MW came at 7am, woke DS up and DH dropped him off at the grand parents and DD was born 3.03pm (luckily just before all the kids in our street came home as I screamed so loud my friend 2 houses down could hear me )

Greatsweetkittyothepuddingrace · 20/01/2009 22:41

DD1 was 18 months when DD2 was born slept right though it which was lucky because only DP was there.

DD1 was 4 and DD2 2 1/2 when DD3 born, DD2 slept through the whole thing, DD1 got up just after she was born but SIL and a friend were there and looked after her.

I would try and have another adult on standby, we had planned it if I had gone during the day my friend would have come up and stayed downstairs with them until SIL got there. As it happens I have another 4 am baby.

pinkspottywellies · 20/01/2009 22:50

My friend had a hb when her ds2 was 18 months. She managed to pretend everything was fine until her older ds went to school, then put ds2 down for a nap and phoned me to go round and pick him up when he woke up.

I had him for about 3 hours, then took him back with spag bol for them all for dinner and cake!! Have you got a friend who cooks

I'm planning another hospital birth but am taking the attitude that no-one's going to say no if I call and say 'I'm in labour, can you have dd' so depending on the day and time of day, I'll have a vague idea of who I might call and just see what happens when the time comes.

lessonlearned · 20/01/2009 22:57

He was 6, bchocs. He raved about it for quite a while and suddenly stopped mentioning it. I was told by a playground mum that he had got a bad response from some other mums along the lines of " how could she, what kind of mother.....etc!"
He doesn't remember that now fortunately but he does remember the "miracle".
By the way I did prepare for the birth by getting videos from health education showing the whole process from conception. He lapped it up like it was the discovery channel and asked lots of questions,
I'm in favour of getting the education in before children become embarrassed but other adults reactions take the biscuit sometimes.
My friend (no DCs) was visiting when my neighbour (aged 6) told her that her dad had had been in hospital. Innocently my friend asked why, and spit out a whole mouthfull of coffee when told "he had an operation to stop the sperms coming out!

CaliforniaBrit · 20/01/2009 23:39

Hi! My older daughters are also 7 and 5 and ds came along three weeks ago at home.

I had a very long labour - started early morning and baby didn't arrive until midmorning the next day. But the contractions became closer and more regular once they had gone to bed and the midwife came at 1am. Everyone managed to get a little sleep overnight (when things stalled, she sent me to bed with a glass of gin which really did the trick!)

Woke up at about 6, just as the girls were waking up, and I could feel the contractions starting to come back. I had a chat to them and said 'Ok, mummy may be saying 'ow' a lot this morning, but it means the baby is coming and is good. I also called my grandmother and she came over and looked after them in their playroom and they watched DVDs and played with their DS's and so on. Then I was in pretty hard labour until the baby arrived just before 10. They wandered through from time to time and I remember DD2 waving at me in the tub . They really didn't seem bothered by me mooing away and I had a great doula who kept me focussed on the job.

They didn't quite watch the birth but as he was born, I yelled to them and they came running to see him being fished out of the water onto me. They didn't seem at all disturbed by any of it and were quite matter of fact about it all. It was lovely

So in the earlier stages, it's really nice having them around and carrying on as normal, but I did find I needed someone to watch them in the later stages - my mind was entirely focussed on pushing the baby out. I'm also not sure how they'd have dealt with a hospital transfer - dd1 was particularly worried about me having to go away but fortunately that didn't happen.

Good luck!

Original poster
Belgianchocolates · 21/01/2009 20:29

California. Thanks for your reaction. At the moment they're quite matter of fact about the pregnancy, but also very curious, so I presume they'll be the same when the big day comes. I was thinking about a water birth because I've got SPD and I think that should hopefully also keep things out of view a bit too. My ds is very sensitive, so I think he'd be the one who'd get most upset if I were to make too much noise. On the other hand I never made much noise with my other labours, being quite relaxed and focussing on my breathing, so I can see it only being better when I'm at home.

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CaliforniaBrit · 22/01/2009 01:40

I loved my water birth. I'd definitely do it again! One thing that I found weirdly helpful was that breathing into the surface of the water during contractions (like blowing bubbles!) was really hypnotic

Birth is such a personal thing and you know your ds, but I suspect he'll probably be fine as long as he knows why you're 'acting strangely' and he has activities to busy himself with if he prefers to keep out of the way for a while.

It's really important though that you're not worrying about the older children or letting their presence inhibit you, so imo you really need someone calm and trustworthy to look after and reassure them. I had idealised visions of us all sitting calmly around and a lovely family event which it was early on and afterwards, but my experience was that I very much went into myself in the last stages and couldn't handle any chatter or disturbance. I didn't mind them wandering through or watching and in fact was barely aware they or anyone other than my doula was there but I couldn't have handled any chatter. They seemed to sense that though and behaved wonderfully and thoughtfully.

Chances are your dcs might be asleep anyway. Seems most babies come along overnight

showmeyourpuku · 22/01/2009 03:22

Hi Belgianchocolates, definately have a home birth, they are fantastic and I have to second "Hello Baby", it's a fantastic book.

I had both of my boys at home, DS1 was 15m when his brother came at half 8 in the morning. He didn't really notice much and when he breatfed man did those contractions crank up! He had wandered out when the baby came in the bath (at the motel, long story...) but wandered straight in afterwards and was more interested in putting his toys in, than his brother! I think it's great if Dc's get to share the magic of birth - I've been to lots of births where kids have been part of it and not once has any of them freaked out. Every now and then they need some reassurance, but generally they seem pretty into it