Is it normal for me to be more frightened 2nd time round?

[littleboyblue]

I am quite uneasy about the thought of giving birth again. I ahd G&A with ds and a bit of Pethidine (never again), pushed for 3 hours, but contractions were only lasting 20 seconds and stayed in my back (ds was back to back). After 3 hours they realised that ds was laying diagonally and my waters had broken but no one (including myself) had any idea when .
So they took me into theatre, gave a spinal block and delivered ds by forceps.
Now I remember how much pain I was in and didn't even get the job done iyswim. It's going to be worse isn't it?
I don't want epidural because I have a huge prob with needles.
Any tips?
I'm just gonna have to deal with it aren't I?

Not much I can say that will help but DS1 was long B2B labour and 2nd a breeze. Does that help.
I'm sure someone useful will come along in a minute.

Yes, I think it's a normal fear.

FWIW I, and everyone I know, had a much easier time on the second go. Midwife convinced me that a second baby is much more likely to be able turn itself into a good position before birth. I like to think it's all a bit more stretchy and baby one has left route markers.

I also think it really strengthened DH and DS's relationship. It was good before, but DH having to take full responsibility for a few days was really a good thing. Try not to worry about that aspect.

lbb... I feel the same. I am more scared and feel less prepared this time. Ended up with lots of interventions (including forceps) last time as DS's shoulder got stuck..

I am going for the 'naive' .. it will not be worse ! Everyone keeps saying, just relax, enjoy it as much as possible ! I think DinkyS has lots of good advice about postive visualisation and preparation activities...

You are just going to have to deal with it, I'm afraid - I was much more scared with my second birth than the first as I knew what hell I was about to go through! Just keep holding on to the thought of that baby you'll end up with when it's all over .

My second delivery was certainly quicker and easier than the first (the third was a nightmare, and the fourth a breeze). Your forceps delivery sounds really awful - remember that's the exception rather than the rule, and that statistically the next delivery will be more straightforward. Good luck.

I was terrified of giving birth 2nd time round as had a long,painful labour with back to back ds1 and eventually had an episiotomy and ventouse delivery.

Had a stop start labour with ds2, but once it got going properly I delivered him on the toilet! within an hour with no pain relief. It hurt a lot, but really if I'd known how easy it was going to be I'd have saved myself a lot of stress.

So it is normal to be more worried, but IME the 2nd time was so much easier.

Just because you had to have intervention before doesn't mean that will be the case this time. I had no problems 1st time but still felt really apprehensive 2nd time so I think it's natural anyway to be scared. As liberalidleology said, your body knows what to do 2nd time round and is more stretchy so 2nd deliveries are generally easier and quicker. I think you handle the pain better as your body kind of takes over and you panic less (IME) It might be worth you getting some hypnobirthing sessions or birth trauma counseling to help you relax and make it a positive experience. I have no personal experience of this but others on MN have found it helpful.

i'm definitely more scared this time. Hoping for VBAC after failed induction (4 days on delivery ward and PPH) and i didn't get beyond about 2cm so don't think the body remembering what to do thing applies to me....My BPs been up and i have protein in my urine as well so depending how my next check goes it might be another section i suppose

I am only 7 weeks but already having dreams (nightmares) about last time round - failed induction, em-cs and 4 night stay in hospital. Haven't thought much about it since because I sort of didn't need to but now all of a sudden its all coming back. I've always tended to gloss over my birth story as I don't want to frighten first timers.

Obviously I will be amazingy happy if this pregnancy progresses healthily but I am shit scared abotu what happens at the end. At the moment I am just not thinking about it although my subconscious seems to be sabotaging me.

I think it's natural to be scared 2nd time around. You aren't sailing into it with your eyes closed, after all. But you can work that to your advantage. You know what frightens you and what you want and absolutely don't want, and you can work this into your birth plan and (even if you don't have a birth plan) be more assertive about your needs and wants.

wasabipeanut, sounds like a similar experience to mine. I felt really terrible about the birth until my 12 weeks scan and since then i've bizarrely felt much better about it until the last few days, am due 2nd feb so it's pretty imminent. I now wonder if I was focusing on the birth so I wouldn't worry about the baby iykwim.

I would recommend contacting the Birth Trauma Association for some counselling if you think it might help to talk it through. You can also request your notes from the last birth if you think that might help.

MrsM you're right. I know that i will have an intervention free birth or proceed straight to section if things do not progress well as I will refuse the synto drip/artificial rupture of membranes/continuous monitoring all of which contributed to the awfulness last time.

I was more apprehensive the second time around but also used that prior knowledge to remind myself 'OK, when I feel this, this is going to happen next'. But in terms of ease and speed it was def. miles better.

I agree with those who have said get the birth plan right this time! I'm 30 weeks with DC2 now, and dreading labour and delivery.

Last time my experience was like tutu100's - long painful labour, epidural, ventouse, episiotomy.

But I ignored my birth plan, allowed the midwives to make me feel like an inconvenience from beginning to end, did my best 'not to be any trouble'. Never again. I'm going in there and being demanding this time!

I had hoped for a VBAC with my 2nd child (after failed induction with my 1st child). I was frightened of another section, but also frightened of a vaginal birth with lots of intervention or something ghastly going wrong. I think you're just so much more aware of what can go wrong 2nd time around, aren't you?

I managed to put together a birth plan and (with a bit of a fight) get a consultant to agree to it. It stated:

No induction
No ARM
Mobility at all times - no CFM
I could call it if I wanted a section at any point

In the end, due to complications with my pregnancy, I had an elective c-section. And even that was so much better than first time around because I felt more in control and prepared myself better.

Use the fear to arm yourself with lots of info, questions for your MW / doctor, and some good support!

I had a straightforward 'natural' birth first time, but it was fairly long, pushing for a good while, I was knackered at the end of it. There was a point when I found the pain really frightening and overwhelming.

It did mean that I felt more nervous second time round, as I knew what was coming. I was mostly frightened of feeling that out of control...

However, DD arrived just over 2 weeks ago and it was fine, really. Much quicker, still had a bit where I really thought I was losing it, but not the out and out fear that I had last time. We had a doula and my fantastic experienced and no fuss community mw delivered the baby.

It sounds like you had a really bad experience last time - maybe it would help to debrief with someone? Would also recommend a doula, can really help to have someone on your side.

Starlight - I'd love to have seen your birth plan! 9 pages - wow. You see my initial thoughts are that there is no point whatsoever in a birth plan because - well, of last time. You clearly disprove that thinking - would love to see your story and I think several others here would benefit also!

No this is normal I think. You know what you're in for. My dc2's birth was painful, I aint gunna lie! but it was all over MUCH quicker.

im scared and my first labour was a relative breeze
ds was also b2b, i had g&a and pethidine, but the labour was only 5 hours. (i went from 1 in 30mins to contracting every minute in less than 2 hours!!) that is why i am sh*ing the proverbials!!! they say labours get quicker...i dont want to be giving birth in the car in a traffic jam in the dump of a town that i live!!!

littleboyblue- I'm a doula and would be happy to have a chat with you.
There are lots of things you can do to try and "prepare" yourself. IMO you did get the job done as you had your lovely DS!! If you'd like to talk you can email me on sarah at surreydoula dot co dot uk.

Thanx turtle I might just do that
And thank you to everyone else, it sounds like you all had it a bit tougher than me tbh too.
We had a sizing scan and consultant said this one won't be as big as ds, so that's something.
Thanx for sharing all your stories and experiences am sure we'll be fine, just panic every now and again about it all.