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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Giving birth without a birth partner - any advice?

12 replies

gabriellasky · 29/12/2008 11:48

I'm 36 weeks today. My husband from whom I separated months ago is not going to be there (not interested in the baby unfortunately).
I've received two offers of partner from both a friend and a relative, but confess I am far to private to have anyone with me and would rather manage alone. I also do not want a doula.
I would therefore be grateful if anybody had any advice on this type of birth. Are there any practical considerations I need to bear in mind, general advice etc
I'm terribly nervous but am determined to do this alone (with midwife support of course).
Many thanks

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compo · 29/12/2008 11:51

with dd I laboured all night on my own while dh slept in the spare room, then had to get taxi to hospital as dh was trying to get hold of my mum to have ds
got to the hospital and gave birth within 10 minutes, just me and the midwife.
I don't regret being alone, dh was a bit sad to have missed it, but the midwives are so good and tbh they are probably glad to have as few people there as possible

with ds I was in hospital for 12 hours before giving birth and tbh it was very boring for dh as nothing really happens until pushing time

Kristingle · 29/12/2008 12:05

sorry to hear about your useless husband

my Dh had to leave during my labour as one of our older children was involved in an accident and taken to another hospital 1 hour away. It was actually ok because the MW was with me all the time and she was lovely. My Dh was actually struggling a bit and things were more relaxed when he left ( hope he never reads this ). He was back for teh birth but in fact it was all a bit traumatic and i tuned it all out so probably woudln't have known if he'd left. IME i was very focussed during the second stage so he was just in the way ( bless his heart) and afterwards i was a bit spaced out

have you thought about having a friend with you for the first stage - they woulndt really see anything IYSWIM and you coudl ask them to leave when you are examined. they coudl always leave later on if you want more privacy. its just if you have a long slow first stage then it coudl be a bit boring and you might need someone to distrcat you. They wont send you home if you will be alone in the house

i hope you have a good labour and birth and support aftrewards with your beautiful baby

mellyonion · 29/12/2008 12:14

hi. i think the most important thing is that you have someone there who knows you well enough to fight your corner for you.....you'll need to have a very clear birth plan and disuss this with the midwives looking after you..

you can do it alone..i would happily have laboured alone, but it i nice to have someone to share it with aferwards and to pat you on the backand for you to recall parts of it with....

i would ask your friend to be on standby in case yo cae your mind hlf way through....

good luck x

aGalChangedHerName · 29/12/2008 12:23

I had ds2 on my own as dh had to look after ds1.

The midwife stayed with me through my labour and was absolutely lovely. Had a fab birth and didn't really miss not having Dh there.

I had my best friend with me when i had the dd's and again they were great births. I thought i would be mortified that she saw me naked/giving birth but i wasn't at all. We still laugh about things that happened/were said lol.

I am sorry about your Dh btw

BlueSapphire77 · 29/12/2008 12:40

Sorry to hear about your useless waste of space ExH

I laboured on my own with my daughter, sorry but from personal experience i wouldn't recommend it, i also gave birth to my son alone after my partner became abusive and was told to leave.
I wished often that i had someone there to hold my hand, rub my back ect..plus i found before my partner was told to leave that i could only focus on his voice giving me instructions/encouraging me (sort of lol) it does help to have someone there that you know, and would be nice to have someone to share the memory with.

I was lucky that my sons MW stayed a friend to me so he could go and ask her about his birth

This time i have arranged for my DP to be there but in case he let me down (dont ask!) i arranged for my sister to be there and my ex to be also, not my sons dad.. but someone who i trust with my life and wouldn't give a poo if he saw me naked hehe.

I suppose it is down to personal preference at the end of the day but i didn't want to be on my own again..i was 17 when i had my daughter and it was a lonely frightening experience, maybe this is why i'm making such a fuss this time round .. because of that memory rather than anything else.

Good luck hun i hope whatever you decide to do that you enjoy your birth experience xx

samsonara · 29/12/2008 12:41

If you want to do it without a birthing partner you will be fine, it's a state of mind really. If you decide that's what you will be comfortable with your mind will be at ease about it. If you feel uncertain have someone you are comfortable with on standby. You won't be alone when you are in proper stages of labour there will be a midwife with you. If you are going to be alone I'd opt to be taken up to ward rather than a birthing centre private room as its's really nice being with other new mums and new babies as you can talk to them and share experiences. The down side is all the noise though.

Lulumamaloveslatkes · 29/12/2008 12:44

i imagine that you will be fine, really. if you are happy to labour without a partner, you are expecting to labour without one and will most likely feel ok about it. i imagine the MWs will give you more support than someone who has one or two birth partners with them.

how will you get to the hospital though? you will need someone to take you . might be good idea to have someone with you in early labour, firstly it is boring but secondly things can progress v v v quick, and being alone might give rise to some difficutlties if that happened

Original poster

gabriellasky · 29/12/2008 14:27

I'm intending to take a book for the early stage and will have somebody to take and collect me and visitors soon after the birth (all being well).
I really really won't be having a partner at any stage I realise this may be difficult and won't change my mind on this though. I'm not quite okay with it (bit afraid actually) but hoped to hear some positive experiences tips etc
thanks so far

OP posts:

jeee · 29/12/2008 14:33

I had to give birth to DS1 alone, as DH was looking after DD1. It was the hardest of my 4 births, and the only one that got a bit hairy, although this was nothing to do with being alone. But what I found was that there was no one there for ME. The medical staff were concerned and doing their best, but they weren't on my side, IYSWIM. But if you are completely happy to be alone, great - the MW and drs will support you. Anyway, best of luck for the birth - I love giving birth, so I hope you have a great day.

SoupDragon · 29/12/2008 14:35

I had BabyDragon with just one midwife in attendance. It was lovely.

My mum was in the front room (it was a HB) but I didn't want her with me when labour took hold. She was there in the early parts when I needed/wanted company and to hold her new granddaughter whilst I was stitched etc.

SoupDragon · 29/12/2008 14:37

Personally, I'd see if one of your volunteers would be happy to come with you but not be in the delivery room. That way, there is someone there (like my mum was) but they aren't actually there for the private bit.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/12/2008 14:44

i did it by accident - dh arrived just as they were cutting cord. bit sad he missed it but did fine. mw was great. i didn't want anyone to touch me anyway and it was straightforward so i doubt he would have been much help...you'll be fine, as long as you are clear about your preferences for unforseen circs.

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