Any good ideas for getting over fear of labour/giving birth? Second baby, 28 weeks, getting quite scared now...

[CaptainKarvol]

If anyone has any good tips (books? mantras? I don't know!), I'm all ears...

My DS was born in 2006, an assisted delivery with continuous monitoring, flat on my back, epidural, episiotomy, ventouse. Recovery was good.

Midwives were uninterested, unhelpful but not actually unpleasant. I spent a good hour of my 23 hour labour listening to the student midwife tell me how much she disliked midwifery and wanted to go back to elderly care (that was after the epidural kicked in and I could think again). Her supervisor didn't say a word to me. They then went off shift and were replaced with a brisk, no-nonsense woman but by that time I had given up, had the epidural and for better or worse was not allowed to move from the bed, eat or drink.

My main memory is of overwhelming pain that got worse if I tried to move, of being sick and of not knowing what to do.

I would really like a better experience with this one. Really, really. I'd like to be more in control, and not to be lying down so much. I'd like to be more confident facing the pain, and to have some strategies for dealing with it.

My mum was no help - she had 2 short, easy labours and said it 'wasn't really pain, more constructive than than'.

I just felt like I couldn't move, because everything was agony.

Any ideas? Please, please? I've got 3 months to go and I'm already getting quite stressed.

Have you thought about hypnobirthing ? sounds a bit hippy dippy but is basically a way of helping you prepare you a pain fee childbirth using self hypnosis. I did a course with my DH before we had our DS - it was fantastic. Even though the process was miles away from what we planned and wanted I was able to stay calm and collected the whole way through - right through prep for and during the unexpected ceasarian. I can't recommend hypnobirthing highly enough
good luck

Oh CK, I had a rough time when ds was born too, crap hospital, crap cmw (infact didn't see the same mx twice thru whole preg) just everything was crap.
I have thought about what I didn't like about last time and made mw put some things in my notes about my wishes.
I don't have any helpful advice for you I'm afraid. My mum says G&A is so much better than epidural, I did the G&A last time and it was fine once I got used to that horrid drunk feeling, but had spinal block as needed forcep delivery in the end. This time I hope to do with just G&A.
Remember with this being your second, your body has more of an idea of what it's supposed to do. My consultant reassured me by saying that now everything has already been stretched I'd find it all alot easier and hopefully your uterus will be more efficient now it doesn't have the L plates.
Good luck, and hope someone can give you the advice and support you need soon.

Have you considered a doula?
I had a doula and she was great, made me feel listened to and cared for, plus she took turns with DH so that I was never alone but he could have a break. That said, I also had a homebirth and I really felt like I was giving birth on MY terms. The community midwives were very hands-off (only one internal, for example).

My doula was very much aware of how I wanted to be treated, and intervened a couple of times when she felt I was being bossed around by the midwives. She also ensured they gave me lots of space and privacy. I only have one baby so can't compare with/without a doula but I'd definitely advise you to consider one.

BTW my mother was also useless. I now realise she has simply forgotten all details of our births and babyhood and cannot be relied upon to tell me anything useful.

Forgot to say, Ina May Gaskin and Sheila Kitzinger's books were quite inspirational for me. I also did hypnobirthing which made me feel "I can do this" in the run-up. I'm sure having this positive attitude helped me (I was not scared of labour).

thanks all. Hypnobirthing is sounding good - I want something to put the brakes on my getting all tensed up again - I think it will all be worse if I go in scared. Are their books or CDs? I can't do any courses - DH works LONG hours so I have to be in with DS.

A doula sounds lovely, but probably not for me. I'm not very easy-going, I think having to bond with someone new would cause me more stress than going it alone (plus when I looked on Doula UK when I was first pg there were hardly any within 40 miles of here). I won't even phone my mw in case it's an inconvenient time for her - not very good at assertiveness, me.

Ironically, I wasn't scared before DS's birth, just excited to meet him. Ha.
Lets hope loosing those L plates has helped!

I'd also say look at this site

I also used the Glen Harrold CDS which are self hypnosis - I think it was joyful pregnancy - you can get them on amazon

CaptainKarvol, I think the fact that you are obviously thinking this through and asking for advice here will stand you in good stead as a starting point. You've been able to identify the negative points about your first birth which will help you plan for this one.

I can identify with some of your feelings. Although I was lucky to have an uncomplicated first birth, my overriding memory is one of fear and panic, which I think had a huge effect on my ability to cope with the pain.

For my 2nd one, I planned a homebirth and thought carefully about what I did and didn't want to happen. I did a lot more reading (Sheila Kitzinger and Janet Balaskas) and attended a FANTASTIC birthing workshop run by my pregnancy yoga teacher. I learnt a lot about the effects of adrenaline on the labouring woman and the role of a calm mind and untensed body. I even watched lots of birth videos on youtube (there are lots of very positive ones on there!) for inspiration.

I was glad I'd spent some time thinking it through as my 2nd birth was a wonderful experience, so much calmer than the first. I felt totally in control and the pain felt so much less than it had the first time.

Of course, there's every chance you'll be in for a quicker and 'easier' labour this time, as it's your second. My advice would be to read lots on natural birth/hypnobirthing/waterbirth and try to go into it with the attitude that you can and will do this. You've done it once, you KNOW you can do it and it'll probably be easier this time.

All the best.

Well done for facing up to it! My first experience sounds remarkably like yours - without the epidural (I stuck with G&A), but DS ended up in special care for a week and I needed a blood transfusion! I worked on teh basis that things couldn't be that bad again - naive I know, but things were certainly easier second time round. Don't forget you will know what is going on this time - it does make a difference.
GOod Luck!!

I had a very traumatic first birth and had nightmares about it for ages after, I still feel terrible when I thing about it. I remember shaking and feeling really frightened. My second birth was in the same hospital, with an epidural etc, all quite similar, but it was a completely different experience. For a start it was quicker and slightly less painful. Also, as it was my second birth I had none of the panic about what was going on. So please don't worry, I bet your second birth will be so much better than your first, just because you know what is happening.

Have a look for the Marie Mongan book on hypnobirthing, absolutely brilliant.
2nd births are usually much, much faster too.

thank you for all your comments. I'll get on Amazon after Christmas and have a look for the books mentioned, and for things on hypnobirthing.

I think I'm actually worse this time because I remember what might be coming so clearly. But I shall try and hold the thought that it may all be very different - faster & less painful would both be good!