Partner/husband at birth - do you regret it? would you recommend it?

[questions2008]

i've just been to visit my friend who's just had her 2nd baby and both times her husband was abroad so missed the birth (her mum was with her). The thing is, she's advised me to keep my husband out of the labour room as she thinks watching the whole gory thing will turn him off in the future, iykwim.

Now I really wanted my DH to be there to help me through it and also to be there at the birth of his child. Is this not a good idea? Will he really be scarred for life? Does anyone regret having their partner or husband with them at the birth or has this caused any 'issues' post-birth?

well thanks for that everyone. I pretty much thought the same things about having DH to help me through it all and also sharing the experience, however it turns out. I was just worried maybe I was missing out on some sercret knowledge.

TBH, DH is not keen to be there yet (I'm only 14 weeks) but I've already told him he doesn't have a choice in the matter and he seems to have accepted that . But I'm sure as we get closer he'll probably change his own mind and not want to miss the excitement.

Dp was there and I do regret it.

I kicked him out of the room several times and now wish he had come back in once dd had been born.

I am the sort of person who likes to get on with things on my own and didnt want him around. I also pooed a lot in labour and he still brings it up.

Next time I will have him outside the room or in the day room and will get him just after lo is born.

There is NO WAY I would have wanted to give birth without my husband there, not really because he was any particular help, but that I could not bear him to miss the experience of the joy and wonder of the birth of his beautiful baby!

DH was there and, although I couldn't bear him to touch me during contractions etc, I was very glad he was around. There was a short period where the midwife had gone away and he'd gone to get a snack, and I did feel quite abandoned and scared tbh, which was a surprise. Also I do think that it's going to be a lot easier for a DP to be sympathetic re: post-birth healing if they have seen the actual labour/birth. Plus it's a BLOODY MIRACULOUS EVENT!! FWIW DH stupidly sat on a chair with a full view of the stitching up procedure afterwards. He said it looked absolutely terrible, but this has still not put him off - am expecting again!

Df was there, we both wanted him to be there but in all honestly he was as much use as tits on a bike and spent the entire labour looking green and terrified.

My Mum was also there and wonderfull.. if i had to chose between a strong female birth partner of DF then i'd choose the women any day.

That said, its not my decision, if he wants to be there then he is more then welcome, its his baby too !

My DH was fantastic during labour and I really don't think I could have done it without him. I was really out of it at one stage and he just knowing that he was there to make the right decisions for me was great.

I deeply regret having DH there. I ended up worrying about him instead of getting on with labour and it made both of us miserable. He didn't want to be there but wouldn't admit it until afterwards as he thought I would be angry. We have agreed on just a doula next time. DH will take DS and disappear.

Mine missed the worst part of labour and the moment of birth, but made it just after he shot out. We are both very sad about this. He was however there to cuddle DS while I was in theatre for an hour and a half - I'm so grateful for that - otherwise who knows who would have had his precious first moments and even if he would have been cuddled at all?

I also agree with blametheparents, it could be that your friend was actually quite affected by her DH not being their, especially as so many other women do have someone there. I assume there was a very good reason for him being away as I can't imagine many men would choose to be away at such a massively important time. Also, she cannot give advice like that as she has no experience of having a DH there. She seems quite ignorant at thinking your DH would be put off you sexually in the future, the human race would not have survived this long if men could be put off sex!!! I think it is also quite telling how insecure she must be and how shallow and rocky her marriage may possibly be.

My DH was there both times, no issues arose for us but DH is not squeamish at all and wanted to have a good look iyswim

He was there for DS's birth and was brilliant, he says it was a mad thing to see but he's glad he did.

For DD's birth I had my mum a paramedic team, my dad , my sister, my mums dog and DS in his car seat in the room next door with my aunt. She was born on the floor in front of my mums fireplace.

And for one amusing minute my mums eldery neighbour, he'd popped in to ask if my dad could take his bin out for him and did not expect the sight he saw. I don't think anyone was harmed really.

Entirely yours and his choice.

If you want him there, he should be there.

I wasn't particularly bothered that DP didn't want to be there, I had two great friends as birthing partners who had both had babies and been each others birthing partners. They were far more useful than DP would have been, and without them I believe I would have had an assisted delivery.

Subsequently I didn't really feel as though I needed him there. He has always laboured with me, but I was happy to birth without him. He was there for DC3, but for DC4 I ust wanted to do it.

I would have probably focused my energy on him, and perhaps got angry or irritated.

I think its a rare man who will be affected negatively by seeing his partner give birth. Chances are he'll see you as a goddess and will worship you on a pedestal for bringing his child into the world