Tokophobia

[HolyGuacamole]

Hi, I don't have kids but am planning to at some point in the future....my problem is a completely irrational and real fear of any medical procedure whatsoever. I was reading a few of the childbirth threads out of interest and had to go outside and deep breathe in the fresh air as I just felt completely sick, clammy and panicky....and that was just reading about it

So what I would like to know is how do you cope with something like that? Is there a solution and does anyone have any success stories?

I have been looking at adoption because we seriously do want kids but I don't think I can handle the thought of giving birth. I feel stupid because women give birth every day but I am a person who can't even listen to a story about a cut finger as it makes me feel faint. When I go to the dentist I get consciously sedated and have been known to run out of a doctors office rather than face a tetanus....I know it's pathetic.....I did try hypnotherapy for dental appointments but it never worked for me...

Any words of wisdom?

I'm not sure I have especially much to say to help you but I'll try. Firstly focus on the positive reason you are going for this and try and think of the things that scare you are being for a positive reason and so a good scare - if that kind of makes some sense. I wouldn't go reading lots of birth stories because everyone is different and you are always going to find some bad as well as the good. If you want to have something to help you feel positive then start a thread here asking for positive natural birth stories with minimal medical intervention and read about how good birth can be for some.
I would also suggest you look into some hypnotherapy for birth stuff too before you get pregnant and see if that can help you to alter your concerns to become neutral thoughts, and of course please go and talk to your GP too and find out if they have any advice or classes to offer you that could just help you to go through with something you clearly would like to do for the end result of a baby or two.
Just remember that many women do this more than once so things cant be all bad!

Wishing you all the best

Hello
Im no expert and cant offer any advice here but try posting in the mental health section. I've seen numerous posts about phobias etc so there might be more response there.

Good luck- i hope you can find a solution

Thanks for the replies, I will try your suggestions

Reading all the scary stories probably wasn't the best way to start

Don't read the horror stories and I would recommend you hypnotherapy to look at the real problem in your subconcious.

Hi,
If you have tokophobia you will need to see a consultant obstetrician, preferably one who specialises in mental health issues. You'd be offered counselling and perhaps the option of an elective caesarean under a GA if a vaginal birth or a c-section with spinal anaesthesia wasn't something you felt you could countenance.

But they'd want to work with you to avoid an operative birth if that's possible as a vaginal birth would probably be healthier for you and your baby.

I agree with senem that hypnotherapy might be something you should consider. I know it hasn't worked for you in the past but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work in relation to childbirth. You'd have to find a specialist practitioner though... Don't know how easy that would be.

Since when was childbirth a medical procedure!!

It's a natural process, entirely your own and there are plenty of us that do just fine without medical intervention, honest

You are more likely to read of horror stories than all the many, many times many, many women have borne and birthed with no hitch because for those women "yup, went great" often covers it!

Your body, your baby, your choice and absolutely nothing medicalised can be forced upon you if you so wish. We don't need scans, blood tests etc and generally, we don't need birth to be assisted (medicalised) in any way.

Can you view this as a potential perspective for yourself? It seems such a shame that you might remove from yourself the opportunity to bare a child for fear of encountering issues which really have no place in the wonder of childbirth but rather, have been forced upon it by a patriarchal and nannying society.

It's not as extreme a view as I may have portrayed it. There are many who do all they can to avoid medicalisaiton of birth, from homebirthing to freebirthing and for various reasons.

Good luck with whatever choice you make

Hi HolyGuacamole. I think that preganancy hormones kick in and affect your brain in such a way that you are able to cope, even if you can't imagine doing so. Otherwise no one would have babies and we wouldn't be here. And by the end of your pregnancy you would go through anything (and I mean anything) to get the baby out!

On a more serious note though, I would recommend seeing a specialist. My own intense fear of medical procedures led me to completely rule out the option of an epidural. In hindsight it mightn't have been such a bad idea and I think if there's a next time I will be looking to address my reasons for being more afraid of a needle than an 18 hour labour with no pain relief!

I have known two people with this phobia, and interestingly, they dealt with it in quite different ways.

One, a work colleague, had always been absolutely terrified of any medical procedure. Her approach was to view it as papiermache describes -as very much not a medical procedure, but a natural event which would be hard work and would involve pain, but which would ultimately be the only way to getting what she really wanted - her own baby. This woman booked into a 'home from home' birthing centre, and had a straightforward delivery, I believe she had gas and air and used a birthing pool, and described the birth afterwards as 'not as bad as she expected'.

The second woman, a relative of mine, went to the other extreme and from the very early stages of pregnancy, agreed with the hospital that she would opt for the medical route. The hospital she chose was very supportive - they agreed to give her an epidural as soon as she admitted herself, even if it was very early stages and she wasn't in a huge amount of pain. She ended up with a birth she was happy with too.

So, it seems the important thing is confronting the fear, talking to the experts and deciding on which is the best route for you. Is the fear about the process itself, or is it more about the pain? Looking back, I can see that with my relative, the fear was all about the pain, and once she knew she could have a pain free birth under epidural, she was fine, even though it was a far more medical event and she needed ventouse to get the baby out as of course she could feel nothing. My work colleague, on the other hand, had a fear of the process rather than pain, and for her the right way was to demystify the whole birth process and realise that it's a natural event.

I would definitely recommend talking it through with a speicialist.

Good luck

Thanks all, some excellent advice! I think my fear is about the actual process, feeling out of control, not being on top of the situation. That's why they said hypnotherapy never worked for me at the dentist as the practitioner said I couldn't 'let go' of myself enough to benefit from the hyno at the time. Apart from the process, it's the thought of stitches....OMG feel sick even typing that!!

Have been discussing it with DH which is a big step, he knows I am a woos so after New Year, I am gonna go have a word with my GP about it.

I do love the idea of it being as natural as possible with as least medical intervention as possible. On that note I have been reading up on papiermaches ideas and reading about homebirths and pools etc.

Thanks for replying, it is really helpful. I want to be as informed as possible and to be in control as much as I can be.

Merry Christams

Sorry to hijack, but my dd (14) has a severe needle phobia. She was supposed to have a blood test for glandular fever the other day and I could not get her to move. She was hysterical. How the hell do I sort that out?

HolyG - if it's the process you're fearful of, and not being in control, I cannot recommend enough that you try to go for a midwife-led unit. I didn't want to push that idea too hard in my earlier post, as I wasn't sure how you were feeling. But if it's the fear of not being in control that's the big thing, from my own experience I know that a smaller, homely, non-medicised environment is far more likely to help you feel in control.

I had my first in a midwife-led unit and it was amazing. Everything was so much calmer and the midwife supported me through every minute, listening to me and enabling me to feel that I really could do it!

Unfortunately my second was a csection for medical reasons, and my third was a VBAC, but in a big hospital as I wasn't allowed to deliver in the unit after a Csection. I found the big hospital infinitely worse. I felt out of control and unhappy from the minute I was admitted - even though my body had gone through vaginal birth before. So I would say that key to having a positive birth is staying in control and feeling that your labour is not being taken over by medics.

Incidentally - stitches were the thing that scared me witless beforehand. If you do need them, believe me, by the time your baby is in your arms you will barely notice them.

Good luck

HolyG, may I recommend some books which lend themselves towards attaining natural births?

Active Birth by Janet Balaskas

Homebirth by Sheila Kitzinger

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

...for a start

I have had one hospital birth and two homebirths with another homebirth on the way. No pain relief with #'s two & three and no tears or stitching thus far.

..."Yup, they all went great!"

Spam, try giving her as much absolute control over arrangements as possible. Theoretically, needle phobias are more to do with control (or lack of it). Encouraging her to bring some form of music player with headphones so that she can zone out and remove herself from the actual act might help too?

Thanks papiermache and FTR!

More great fabby info that just makes me feel even more positive! I have those books on my list now as a must read and am really liking the sound of the homely environment

I guess I am a person who maybe lacks a little trust for someone else being responsible for me, just as an example, I could inject myself if it was really necessary or take a tooth out....but try getting me on a chair for someone else to do it and that's where the problem lies!!! Haha!

Really appreciate your help, thanks again. I will no doubt be on these boards seeking out more advice from all you experienced women if that's ok? :-)

Hats off to you!!