anybody else regret their birth/still not fully recovered

[fingermousey]

I feel a bit alone here, all my friends are fully recovered. A couple were traumatised by their birth experiences but have got over it. I feel so down that I'm still not right and wish I had tried for a vbac

What's up? Do you want to discuss what happened?

Your friends may seem like they have recovered from their birth experiences, but I bet they still think about it.

me. Its been 4 years and it still hurts to sit.
There is a birth trauma support group run by Sheila Kitzinger and I've called her a couple of times.

you could contact the birth trauma association or sheila kitzinger's birth crisis, the hospital you delivered at might have some sort of birth afterthoughts service.

if you want to discuss it on here , go for it. lots of MNers (sadly) have suffered degrees of birth trauma.

regrets about birth is actually quite common

I think lots more people think about their births than actually talk about them. For example, I've got a terrible cold at the moment and wet myself every time I sneeze. I wouldn't tell many people in RL that. It might help to talk about it?

Sorry, that wasn't clear, I meant to say that I had a difficult birth with a third degree tear and have had problems with continence (both sorts) since ds was born. There is a real taboo about this sort of subject, but it might help to find someone to talk it through with so that you don't feel so alone.

Hi fingermousy remember me? I am with you remember opposite birth but same regrets.
was in tears again last night and sooo pissed off and uncomfortable.
You are not alone x

I was knocked for six after my first birth and felt completely distanced from other mums, who all seemed to be bounding about, happy and energetic, while I was struggling to recover from an c-section ad descending into PND . Totally know where you're coming from.

You need to talk about this to someone - in depth.

Good luck xxx

Hi fingermousey. I'm gathering from your OP that our birth circumstances were very different (mine was a natural delivery, but a very long and traumatic delivery). I don't know how long it is since your own experience, but it took me over two years to recover emotionally. I wouldn't even let DH near me for that whole time.

I still very very effected (mentally) by the birth of dd. BUT I am now pregnant again and in total panic as to how I will cope

thank you everyone, (waves at drivingmebatty) you have all really helped. It is coming up for a year and that is making it worse. I have the whole timeline of events in my head and they keep replaying.

I have talked to a counsellor and it did help, but not completely, in fact not much. I don't know why I just feel so much regret and because I haven't fully recovered I don't feel like me any more

You are all so kind getting back to me and sharing how you feel, I am grateful not to feel I am the only one so affected although obviously wish none of us had these lasting effects.

hi fingermousey have you tried AD's ?

I am off to the doc's on monday to give them a go because I am at the point now that i just can't go on anymore

I am consumed with regret. It is no exageration to say I can't go 10 mins without thinking of what has happened to my poor lady bits.

I am just so bitter. I really feel that I have ruined my life, which a year ago was utterly wonderful. I just can't believe it has gone from being so great to living a nightmare every waking moment.

Everyone tells me I will be happy again but I really just can't see it at the moment. I can't even be bothered to wash my hair now.

I think i clearly have PND, if I knew I would get better eventually then i could keep going. But the reality is my bits are never going to be the same again and I need to come to terms with that.
I just don't know how

drivingmebatty, are you still suffering physically after the birth? Would it help to talk about it? If you are still in pain you should definitely see your gp for a referral to see a gynae or another health specialist who may be able to help eg physiotherapist.
I can relate to the feeling you've ruined your whole life feelings. But once you're feeling better physically, you'll probably find you don't feel this so much. It is rotten living in pain for so long, I suffered for about 2 years after my birth and it was an uphill struggle to get up every day, but things do improve.

sorry, just realised OP is fingermousey, apologies drivingmebatty!