wanted! advice for birth partners

[drivingmisscrazy]

My partner is due to give birth in January, and as we start to prepare I am trying to think about how I can be as helpful and supportive as possible. So I thought I'd ask some people who've been through it what they would look for in a birth partner with the benefit of hindsight.

What helped and what didn't? What things do/did you want in a birth partner? If you were to be a birth partner, what kinds of things would you do? Any advice or tips welcome - practical or otherwise.

Best thing we did was to go to have a lesson on massage techniques for during labour. It was really helpful in terms of pain relief, helped me relax and above all gave my husband something specific to do on the night to make him feel useful!!

Having said that, I think all the partners I know have underestimated just how useful they are to the mother simply by just being in the same room. It feels immensely supportive just to know that there is someone there and you are not on your own - and someone who can fill in the bits you can't remember afterwards.

No one knows how they are going to feel in labour - so responding to what the mother wants is really important too. She might want to be touched, she might want to be left totally on her own..... don't be offended if the latter is true!!!

The best thing my dp did was to leave the room when I asked. I thought I would want him there holding my hand and rubbing my back but I just wanted space.

Dont feel bad if you are kicked out of the room x

Also, make sure you go through your dp's birth plan with her so that you understand what it all means and what she wants.

Just be there, listen to her and be supportive. Good luck

I asked the same question on behalf of my DH on this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/654449-DH-wants-to-know-what-to-do-during-labour-to

which might be of some help. My favourite piece of advice concerned the snorkel . Hope it might be of some use.

Having been through it now, he says the best advice he could give is simply to watch and listen and respond to your needs as you won't know how you will feel or what you will want until you are there. Many of the the things that work for some people and that I thought would work for me (music, the exercise ball and counting down during Cxs) actually didn't work at all and just pissed me off, whereas the things I didn't predict (watching the entire boxed set of Gavin and Stacey and him acting as my own human pec-deck during contractions) were brilliant. The best thing was him just dealing with the fact that I hated his carefully prepared 15 hour playlist and moving on, not trying to persuade me to do anything that wasn't working. Good luck!

thank you - I loved the thread you linked to - and learned lots of useful things from it.

I only woke DP up when I was at 2 minute contractions, and waters had broken 5 hrs earlier (stupid I now know). So the birth plan - watching Harry Hill and getting a massage with candles went out of the window!
During the painfull stage in hospital,my partner basically acted like my boxing coach! I was thirsty, so he kept giving me water through a straw. sparyed my face with cool water when I gestured. Told me I was doing great, and cheered me on. I would say from my point of view that at this stage, I was concentrating so much on pushing, and breathing through the contractions, that I could only manage hand gestures or the odd word.
So,try and get the hang of what she wants, and do exactly what is asked of you!!
Oh yeah, and dont forget the 'charged' camera. My DP had this on his 'to do' list and forgot!! Luckily there was still some battery life left.
If looks could kill!!

I agree with del1 ...through the breathing I could only manage few words which he just had to understand! but the best thing he did was have water to give me when needed as i asked for it constantly, and the spraying water on the face. He stayed very calm and just encouraged me loads which was good.
He also pushed my legs towards me as I pushed out which was great as dint feel I had to do as much work but maybe dont do this unless asked as some women dont even like being touched when in labour!!!
Also bit to much info but as daughter was coming out the midwife said look so my partner did and nearly fainted cz of all the blood and that so if that sort of thing gets you then i would stay up by her head
Make sure you read her birth notes with her and understand everything on it and how she wants the labour to go. Just be supportive.
Good Luck hope all goes well x