I need homebirth advice.

[NoGoodAtCleaning]

I had a terrible hospital birth last time and I'd like a DP is terrified by the prospect. He's a worrier in general.

How can I persuade him? With a homebirth, do you have the baby on your bed?

Please could someone give me lots of details about homebirths so that I can make an informed decision?

sorry, the first line is meant to say 'I'd like a homebirth this time. Dp is terrified by the prospect.'

look at www.homebirth.org join their yahoo group. they have supported many a woman, including myself with having a HB. I like you had a terrible 1st experience and was terrified of going to hospital to give birth.

Also, get the book: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Fantastic.

For DH, it was getting him to watch the DVD: the Business of Being Born. He was wary of a home birth after watching my hospital birth which in his own words was horrendous for him to watch.

oh, after my home birth, he is a complete convert. here is my birthstory

You have it where you want really. I had mine in the bedroom on the bed (don't have bathroom toilet downstairs so wanted to be upstairs). But some people have them downstairs. I think it depends what position you end up giving birth in. For example some people also hire birthing pools.

The homebirth website is very comprehensive. Get him to read some of the facts and figures it may help him. At the end of the day it is your decision though...

I had DD2 at home, in DD1's room- leaning/ kneeling forward over the futon sofa in there. (DD1 was at a friend's house) MW brought lots of absorbant mats and cleared up afterwards whilst I had a cup of tea and toast and breastfed my new DD in my own bed. We put a plastic dust sheet on the floor first and there was no mess left behind after.

DD's room was instinctively the right place to give birth- it's big and has a nice view (v important at the time that I could see the outside world!!) and close to bathroom. ANd it was great to have our own bedroom to retire to after the birth.

It was great.

I was all over the house! The bed was the one place I didn't end up in, but I laboured hanging on to the stair bannister, in the hallway, on the loo, in the bath, on the sofa and in the birthing pool (where I eventually gave birth). Being able to move around was one of the joys of it. I can't imagine what it would be like to be confined to a single hospital room in comparison. All the home comforts of music/food/telly etc for in between cx made the whole experience really very pleasant and can give your DH some things to do that help him feel more imvolved than he might in a hospital setting, just as a thought.

My Dh didn't want me to have a HB with ds1. I bombarded him with info (men tend to like facts and figures) and told him with a healthy pg HB is as safe as if not safer than a hosp birth.
He was also worried about the mess. I pointed out to him that they don't hand you a bin bag and say 'here's the cord, placenta's over there. You might want a mop for the blood'. Htey clean everything up and leave it tudier than they found it.
He came round.

I had DS2 in the sitting room on a camping mattress.

DS1 ended up in hospital.

DD1 - hospital. Awful meddling led to over intervention and terrible birth.
DD2 - planned homebirth but with a last minute emergency transfer.

Even with the emergency transfer (which was pretty horrendous and used as a training story for mws and mums discussing potential problems with hb according to my mw), I would still try for a homebirth again.

It is true when they say the pain is less intense and more manageable when you feel relaxed and in control. Calm = less pain. For me, calm meant in my own home with my husband, quiet, no strangers wandering around, no need to "leave yer dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out" That meant a huge deal to me. I am a private person and felt very violated with DD1 and took me a long time to recover. DD2, even with the final transfer, was so much easier. It was also much better for DH. In the hospital he felt in the way and stupid. At home, it was his environment, he could really help and be involved right from running the bath, making teas and toast, talking me through the contractions etc etc without feeling awkward or not qualified enough.

My Dh was worried beforehand and needed to do a lot of private reading and googling before he was happy. However, after, despite a transfer, he is totally pro-homebirth as a "family friendly" way to welcome a new baby into a home.

Dh was very apprehensive about the prospect but agreed that the hospital experience was rubbish for all of us. I did a pros and cons list on the back of an envelope and showed it to him. The pros were much longer for us. I definitely agree with other posters that DH felt in the way and awkward in hospital. Do you have a good friend (who is either OK about homebirth or has actually done it) or another woman who can be there to support you both (or can you afford a doula). The statistics on interventions and hospital births are enlightening. I read a book called "Know Your Birth Rights" which was useful information. Oh and prepare yourself for the "oooh aren't you brave/mad/selfish?!" comments from other people
GL with your decision

someone already linked to www.homebirth.org.uk/ but i think this page is really worth a read - from father's point of view. good luck!

Hi there
Most of the things I wanted to say have been suggested above.

Get DH to do some internet surfing and read up on it.
Have a read of Michel Odent's books and Ina May Gaskin - really really good.
Another good link is: www.homebirth.org.uk/blokesven.htm

YOu can have your baby wherever you want - bed / bathroom / kitchen / lounge / birthing pool. You will probably move around a lot and will settle somewhere where you feel most comfortable (whether you've planned it that way or not). Don't worry about the mess, there isn't a lot and it gets cleaned up straight away.

Also, have you thought of a Doula?
If not, I am a Doula and we are there to support mums through the whole birthing process but dads also benefit alot from having us around. If you want your husband/partner with you, throughout your labour and birth, I am most definitely NOT there to take their place. I am there to work together as a team in giving you the best care and support you require.
Part of our job is to try and keep the mothers-to-be and their partners as calm and well informed as possible, as when adrenalin and anxiety ?kick-in?, emotions can run high and can cause unnecessary stress on everybody present.

If you are interested, have a look at: www.sunshinedoula.co.uk and get in touch.

Good luck and I'm sure your DH will come around....