Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

How important is it for DS to come and see new baby in hospital?

5 replies

bertiebear · 10/12/2008 09:49

I'm booked for a planned c-section next week, and am presuming I'll be in hospital for at least two nights. DS is 2.5 and not enthralled at prospect of new baby. He is very clingy to DH at the moment, and the grandparents will be here, so don't think he will miss me too much. Is it better for DS to come and see new baby ASAP in hospital, or to wait until we get home?

Any top tips welcome!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lotster · 10/12/2008 11:42

Hi Bertie,

I just had some good advice from a lovely health visitor on this subject! My son is 2.4 and I'm due in 11 weeks so similar situation too.

She thought a hospital visit was nice if you are feeling / looking well and up to it, and it reduces the time they go without seeing you.
But her main tip was that wherever you are when he first sees baby, when he comes in, don't be holding the baby - have your arms ready to receive him and make a really big fuss that he's there... I asked if dad should hold baby and she said no, put the baby in the cot/basket and after a few minutes of chatting with your son, casually say something along the lines of "shall we have a look at this baby then?" This approach reduces the chances of resentment apparently and she gave me two other good tips:

Not to refer to your son all of a sudden as "the big boy" (I would instinctively have done this otherwise!), because for the past two years he's been your "baby" and to suddenly lose that place is hard. She said if yu want to say something like this then try "special" or "lovely" boy instead or similar.

2nd tip was that if/when people bring a little gift for your son as well as for the baby, put a few aside and when you are feeding baby, he can snuggle in and open a present, then turn this time in to a story for him - so he has positive associations with you feeding the baby.

This will be interesting as I seem to remember needing all my arms for b/f'ing the first time but will def. be giving it a go.

My friend also asked people not to "coo" over her newborn too much when her toddler was in earshot.

I'm hoping these approaches will sow the seeds in the early days to reduce resentment/competitiveness and I won't have to do them for too long, we'll see! Hope some of this helps you too.

MrsMattie · 10/12/2008 12:27

Go with your instincts after the baby is born, I say.

We had our 3 yr old son come and visit me in hospital two days in a row after our DD was born 3 weeks ago. The first day we had a present for him (a kids digital camera to take pics of the new baby with) and he seemed happy enough at first, but he did get quite worried by my IV and the catheter, which he spotted hanging beside the bed (!!). He was quite subdued in the end, and I wasn't sure we had done the right thing having him come in.

The next day he witnessed me fainting after trying to get up a bit too energetically. I said no more hospital visits for him after that, as I was worried he would get distressed. Things were much nicer once we got home .

bertiebear · 10/12/2008 15:34

Thank you so much for the advice. I hadn't really thought about the IV and catheter, and I don't think he'd like me not being able to sit up / get out of bed.

I think I'll leave it until at least day 2 and follow your advice from then.

OP posts:
elkiedee · 10/12/2008 15:39

My plan if I have to stay in hospital overnight at all again, and I'd prefer not to, is to ask whoever brings in ds1 (who will still be a little under 2) to just bring him in for a short visit, and then take him to the hospital canteen and give him food that he will enjoy, and maybe pop back for another very short visit before the end of visiting time.

I'm still quite nervous about how best to do it though.

gladders · 10/12/2008 15:45

my ds was 22 months when dd was born and enjoyed his visit to the hospital - loved the elecric bed and the fact that he had tv all to himself!

he wasn't fazed at all by me holding dd when he arrived (didn't have that piece of advice given to me!) - and ignored her most of the time (except when she started crying and he commented that she was hungry.)

this was on day 2 though so catheter/IV had come out by then and I was fairly mobile.

am sure it will be fine!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread