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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I have booked a c-section - so why don't I feel relieved? Please advise!

40 replies

luckymoray · 03/12/2008 19:22

Hello. I had a crash c-section 15 months ago with my daughter. She is fine but was almost out of oxygen so it was very stressful. I am 37 weeks pregnant again - very soon i know(!) - and have deliberated for MONTHS about what to do with second child. We finally decided to make a decision today and booked an elective c-section. I wanted to have more control over the birth and didn't want to rely on a severely overstretched London hospital over Christmas to try for a VBAC (I am due Christmas Day). BUT I do not feel relived - I almost feel like i'm 'interfering' with the process - and every consultant I have seen is far more pro-VBAC than Caesarean (despite them all asking me how my first child is, ie, did she come out OK?) The consultant today booked my c-section but said to me 'I hope you don't regret your decision'...i now feel unsure. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fingermousey · 03/12/2008 19:35

As I said before I totally regretted my repeat caesarean Worst decison of my life

Andthentherewerethree · 03/12/2008 19:45

um i totally disagree with the pp. my repeat section was far nicer then my emergency one. Far calmer and less stressful.

Maybe you feel a bit panciked as you now realsie the birth is imminent and would feel stressed whcihever decision you had made?

milkmoustache · 03/12/2008 19:48

My second C-section was so much better than my first emergency section: calmer, felt more in control, and the recovery time was much better as I wasn't knackered after a 3 day failed induction. Bit bloody insensitive of the consultant to make that comment in my opinion!

Original poster

luckymoray · 03/12/2008 19:49

i think you're right. i think i would have come away from the appointment far more nervous if I hadn't booked anything!

i am sorry that there are bad experiences out there with repeat c-sections, but the same can surely be said for VB and VBACs - it's a roll of the dice at the end of the day i reckon. nervous as head is out of sand now!

OP posts:

JollyPirate · 03/12/2008 19:52

lm - Obstetricians are being hugely pressured at the moment to get the CS rate down hence what your doctors have advised you. As the previous poster said there is a wealth of difference between an emergency CS and a planned one. It will be calm, less stressful for everyone and your baby will be fine. Only thing you might find is a slower recovery from a repeat CS - but am sure someone else will be along to tell you that they had a second and it was a breeze.

The other thing is the time of year you are due - you are quite right that there may be an overstretched service around Christmas - this way you avoid that.

eekamoose · 03/12/2008 20:03

Well I'm guessing you don't feel relieved because there is a big part of you that would like to experience vaginal birth. If there wasn't you would have found it easier to make a decision!

I'm guessing that because that's how I felt. I had my elective c-section booked from 30 weeks and I felt neutral about it, not happy, or relieved.

However, compared to my first birth (just like you I had a crash caesarian with all the accompanying panic) it was really LOVELY on the day. Just lovely to see DS immediately after birth and to be able to hold him and for him to be with us and not in special care.

I recovered very quickly. It honestly was a positive experience. Yet I still feel sad occasionally about never having a vaginal birth, despite my absolute certainty that I wanted an elective c-section second time around.

smallorange · 03/12/2008 20:05

I had a second CS and recovery was a breeze I was also due on CHristmas Day and went for a planned section following a traumatic emergency with DD1. I too was concerned about going for a VBAC in an overstretched hospital over Christmas and wanted to be at home over the festive period with baby and DD1. There were medical reasons too, and having weighed up the pros and cons, went for a repeat section. Will be having my third in the summer. You will be fine. Just focus on the positives.

DA3Mummy · 03/12/2008 20:11

Hi I had an elective section with my second son, no regrets, I sometimes wish that I could experience a natural birth but equally accept that I haven't and the chances are that I'd have complications in labour and end up with an emergency section. At least with an elective section you don't go through all the pain of labour, get really tired and then have a major op and distress you and baby in the process. Good luck and if its any help, I recovered really well after the second op. Best of luck. x

jellybeans · 03/12/2008 20:14

I have just had my 3rd CS, first elective. My others were an emergency and a crash one, the latter of which I almost bled to death as they severed an artery. I also had 2 VBAC(1)'s which were great but then I had to have the crash CS which meant any more births would be a VBAC2 which my hospital wouldn't offer me as I was very high risk. . My elective was sooo much better, had consultants booked to do it and the birth was just as special as a normal birth. I had no bleeding arteries etc after spending the whole pregnancy thinking i would bleed to death. Recovery was tough but my baby is here safe which is the main thing.

Original poster

luckymoray · 03/12/2008 20:55

thank you for all advice - it is a tricky one and i am sad that i will probably never have a VB - i think that's the main thing. x

OP posts:

NellyTheElephant · 03/12/2008 21:18

I had an elective section with DD2 after emergency with DD1. It was a totally fantastic experience, so calm, happy etc. Recovery was amazing too - no doubt my body was in a better state to recover without having had the previous 30 hours of gruelling labour (as with DD1). I'm definitely going to have another elective when DS is born in April (all being well). I do vaguely know what you mean about not ever having a VB - but really in the great scheme of things, does it really matter?? The main event is the baby after all rather than the birth.

jujumaman · 03/12/2008 21:31

I had an emergency (meant to be elective but went into v fast labour early and it was terrifying), followed by an elective. But both my babies were breech, so I didn't feel I had much choice. I vaguely know the I'll never have a vaginal birth oh woe feeling, esp as my brief experience of labour was painfree (didn't know I was in labour until 8cm and even then only like mild tummy ache). But my regrets aren't huge - every time I think it someone comes along and tells me about a hideous vb and I remember the grass is always greener.

I would not advise someone what to do one way or the other on this, it's too personal. All I'd say is remember you'll also be recovering in hospital over Xmas and as I;'m sure you know already post CS support in London hospitals is woeful and likely to be even more so at that time of year. So I hope you can make sure your dh or a relative is around A LOT to support you on the ward while someone else looks after your dc. Good luck.

Lotster · 04/12/2008 13:09

Hi LuckyMoray,
I am having an elective after my first VB ended in lots of troubles, you're not missing anything I promise (unless someone could absolutely guarantee the earth mother, popping out like a bar of soap with not a scratch to you, kind of scenario, which very few people are lucky enough to end up with IMO).

Most NHS consultants are pro-VB, they have a duty to drive down the C/S rate (as Jollypirate said) and wouldn't have put you down for a C/S without a fight if you weren't a candidate for it (phsycologically in not physically).

My consultant said it could be a very cathartic experience for me, and heal old wounds (mental). I really hope this is the case for you.

gabygirl · 04/12/2008 13:23

Lotser - I'm not questioning your feelings about your own birth or challenging the view that a c-section birth can be very emotionally satisfying, but I can assure you that you DON'T have to have an easy, pain free vaginal birth to feel a huge sense of achievement, to feel empowered and to have a massive 'high' afterwards caused by the hormones you get with a natural birth. I've had three births that on paper look appalling - long, difficult labours with big babies. The first was a bit of a dog's dinner caused by poor care (still had huge hormone high aftewards), but the second and third left me feeling all of those things I mention above. I know it's not for everyone but I do think that the view that a vaginal birth needs to be 'easy' for it to be satisfying isn't accurate.

blueshoes · 04/12/2008 13:52

Another one who has a second cs after a first crash cs and it was a ... breeze .

Got the obstetrician to cut out the scar on my belly as well. It has now healed much better cosmetically.

I would definitely recommend a scheduled cs on an overstretched ward. I delivered in late September - which is stork peak time for all those boozy christmas conceptions - boy did I get an calm easy ride compared to other mothers who were delivering 4 to a room separated by screens and others turned away at the hospital door.

Probably won't be so bad over Christmas, but not great to do VBAC without access to a emergency cs, when needed.

blueshoes · 04/12/2008 13:53

Can I say that a consultant who makes a statement like 'I hope you don't regret your decision ...' is being rather unprofessional.

gladders · 04/12/2008 14:41

agree with blueshoes on the consultant's comment.

i have had 2 cs - first was breech and second was purely elective.

first one was fairly calm (ie not emergency, we had cd and camera with us etc etc) but second one was even better than that. recovery was also easier as i knew the ropes.

i do have vague regret about not having done labour (mind you i didnt even realise i was having braxton hicks until midwife started pointing them out to me as i was monitored pre section!!!) - but i am still convinced i made the right choice for me.

Lotster · 04/12/2008 14:54

gabygirl, I know that. But with the OP having had a traumatic crash C/S the first time round, I would not want to be the person who persuaded her the VB route would be easier than an elective. Because it might not be. And a person in this situation could end up with physical and emotional trauma from the VB too.

If you are determined to have a VBAC I'm sure it can be just as cathartic because it's something you fought for and wanted, but if you aren't, then an elective could be just what she needs...

Lucky, do you know what you really want in your heart? Because if you did want a VB (if mentally you are up to it and the seperate challenges it can bring), from my friends' experiences Christmas can be quieter on the wards. My friend had her baby at Chelsea and Westminster, renowned for poor aftercare, yet said she felt she was private!

MrsMattie · 04/12/2008 14:59

I haven't read the replies, sorry.

OP - that consultant is a twat. The last thing he should be doing is undermining you when you have made a difficult decision. Nobody should

I wouldn't dream of advising you on how best to deliver your child, but I will say that your options are still very much open, even if you have booked a section. You can still wait and see how you feel, whether you go into labour before the date of the section, or even cancel the section if you want to (at any stage, despite what the hospital may say). You don't have to feel pressurised, even at a late stage in pregnancy.

My own experience - was all geared up for a VBAC throughout my second pregnancy, and ended up electing for a section right at the end after developing some complications (lost my nerve re: VBAC!). It was a lovely experience (see me blethering on about it in Birth Announcments), and I have recovered a lot more quickly from the whole thing this time around. An elective is a very different experience from a crash section.

Whatever you decide to go for, please don't beat yourself up about it. There is no right or wrong decision.

Jackstini · 04/12/2008 15:04

Lucky - I was in a similar situation to you - seen my consultant this morning and decided to have an elcs.
Some of the background and reasoning is on this thread if it helps
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/659503-Should-I-aim-for-a-VBAC
Don't forget you can still change your mind if you want to, but don't feel you have to by any means.
When are you booked in for?

treedelivery · 04/12/2008 15:05

Maybe the consultant isn't a twat. Maybe s/he genuinely hopes the OP won't regret her decision and feels good about her choices.

It is just possible you know.

TheSeriousSanta · 04/12/2008 15:06

an you talk to a Doula? Mine was great (HertsnEssex on MN) - even my e-mail??

I agree your consultant sounds like a knob.. My ElCS was wonderful, but it as what I TRULY wanted.

You really need to talk to someone who is experienced but unbiased and is looking to help you decide what to do.

I'm sorry you feel a little undivided, and I'm not going to say 'my El CS was wonderful, yours will be too' cos you aren't me and I don't know what birth plan you had been hoping for.

TSS> x

TheSeriousSanta · 04/12/2008 15:07

by e-mail

MrsMattie · 04/12/2008 15:08

It is NOT for a consultant or any medical professional to say that sort of thing. Completely unprofessional. You discuss the pros and cons with the client first and then let them make an informed decision. You DON'T then undermine it with a flippant, ill thought out comment like that.

Twat, I say.

treedelivery · 04/12/2008 15:10

Or a human.

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