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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Not entirely sure I want DP to see me giving birth.....

49 replies

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 21:44

Thought I would come round to the idea after nearly 8 months but I haven't! He desperately wants to be there...but legs akimbo, waters breaking, pooing - agh!! How did/do you feel about it? Or when it happens will all pride go out of the window?! First baby so all advice needed pls - am getting panicked!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DoNotAsfinishedXmasshopping · 27/11/2008 21:47

When it happens all pride goes out of the window.

You can set some rules - eg demand that he stays at the head end. TBH DP wouldn't budge from teh head end.

It is good to have some support. Would you rather have a friend/your mother there. Persoanlly I preferred DP who has seen all my bits a few times over my mother who hasn't (as an adult at least) IYSWIM.

nancy75 · 27/11/2008 21:47

i was like this, didnt really want dp there, worried about doctors/ nurses examining me, the thought of it made me horrified, by the time dd was born i was so fed up with being pregnant i would have happily sold tickets and had her in the middle of tescos! once you go in to labour you do get over it (although i was determined not to poo in front of anybody and kept going to the loo, much to the displeasure of the midwife)

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 21:49

So did you manage not to poo?!

OP posts:

PuzzleRocks · 27/11/2008 21:50

I appreciate how you feel. I also had my Mum with me and she was great at subtly steering him away from anything too graphic. He remained firmly at my head end and as he tends to pass out at the sight of blood I assume he saw nothing. He was however there to hold DD when she arrived which was fantastic.

nancy75 · 27/11/2008 21:50

i managed not to poo in public thank you very much !

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 21:52

There is hope for me yet! But it is very common - or should I say frequent - isn't it? Did anyone just boot their DP out at any point?

OP posts:

lisad123 · 27/11/2008 21:53

i didnt poo, and dh stayed near my head the whole time
Set rules but tbh, you really should let him, its his child too and you might just regret it. You really need someone there as midwifes are so busy, and my dh was a god send afterwards HTH

PictureThis · 27/11/2008 21:54

I had the same worries as you before I had DD, but to be honest, I didn't give a monkeys when I was in the thro's of it all. DH is very squeamish and he was determined to stay at the 'head end' but when DD's head was crowning he was completely blown away by how amazing it all was. He says he didn't notice anything else and that seeing his daughter born was the best thing ever.

nancy75 · 27/11/2008 21:56

i didnt tell dp to leave, but we had discussed it before hand, and as he knows what im like he agreed if i wanted him to go he would, tbh when its all happening you do forget to worry about it (apart from the poo obviously) i had to have quite a few stitches after dd was born, and there i was legs akimbo not a care in the world (i am blushing now at the thought of it)

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 21:58

That sounds perfect PictureThis. Trying to remain calm..!

Think my fear stems from an old boss I had years ago who told me the worst thing for his sex life/marriage was seeing his wife giving birth - what a sod I know but has stuck in the back of my mind..

OP posts:

Hassled · 27/11/2008 22:03

I pooed with 3 out of 4 of mine, but the midwives just responded so quickly and had it out of the way and gone in seconds that tbh I don't think ex-DH or DH even noticed - certainly was Never Mentioned Again.

The thing is, it's the birth of his child, as well as yours - and incredibly important for fathers as part of the bonding process. And he will have renewed respect for women after witnessing a birth. The lack of dignity etc was never as issue.

ScarletA · 27/11/2008 22:05

What your old boss said - that just sounds like something you say because you think you're being funny?

Have your man with you but tell him to stay away from the business end. Is what I did. Dp happy to oblige - very squeamish.

And as for the pooing - I didn't and I don't know anyone who did? Me Ma was a midwife and she doesn't tell any stories about poo. I don't think you will, honestly so try not to worry about it.

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 22:08

Boss comments surely along the same lines as 'make sure your wife has a caesarean' nudge nudge...??Ars6holes...!

OP posts:

PictureThis · 27/11/2008 22:09

That is a very valid fear, but the thing is he may not have wanted to be in that delivery room anyway. You could suggest to your DH that he sits facing you and away from the action if things start to get a bit 'hairy'.

Chirpygirl · 27/11/2008 22:11

No idea if I pooed, DH was trher for both, and therefore not a huge amount of use to me as he was fascinated!
DD1 was CS and he was just openmouthed watching her come out.
DD2 was VBAC and he wouldn't move from my feet once she crowned. He says it was teh 'coolest, freakiset thing I have ever seen' and everyone should watch it.
Makes me quite when am I ever going to get to see it!

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 22:12

Was anyone ever filmed giving birth? It would be amazing to see - feeling a bit hard done by now actually!

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bracingair · 27/11/2008 22:14

well just to say the other side, i have had DP with me and we have agreed he wouldn't attend next time. He was so worried during the birth that i just found it worried more than it would have. He is quite happy not to attend!

Do what you want to do. If you dont want him it is not his right.

sweetkitty · 27/11/2008 22:16

I have 3 DDs 3 vaginal births and DP has been at the action end every time. He cannot even watch Casualty without feeling ill I was amazed, he describes in great detail how when I was pushing he could see more and more head coming out. He even watching to tape DD3's birth I said no way. I pooed the first two labours and the second one it was DP who cleaned me up (told me afterwards) he's so matter of fact about it said well you were pushing our baby out and in great pain it's only a bit of poo I'm your partner of course I cleaned it for you.

He says it is the most amazing thing he has ever seen and he wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has given him a new found respect for me and brought us closer together.

As for our sex life no change wish it would have put him off a bit

Original poster

madmadmadwoman · 27/11/2008 22:19

Thank you. I know I am being ridiculous.....just really thought the idea would have grown on me a bit more by now but still another few weeks to work on it!!

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 27/11/2008 22:26

I needed DP there not to do anything or touch me God forbid but just to know he was there.

hannahlouhoo · 27/11/2008 22:28

I agree with nancy75 by the time you get to pushing you dont care about pooing ( i thought usually while in labour your body expels food and such, i had a massive poo just before i went into labour, and anything i ate just came straight back up!mmmm curry i'll never forget that!another story sorry) well i didnt i just wanted him out!!! concentrate on a positive birth if you try to not poo you'll not be pushing hard enough!! oh it hurts but so worth it!!and over so quickly, then you have sleepless nights to look forward too!!!

good luck please let us know what you have, and how it goes.

my dp was there at the baby end although he didnt want to be!!!i used his hip for a foot rest to push!!!!

lauraloola · 28/11/2008 09:07

I wish dp hadnt been there. I pushed him out of the room twice and he nearly missed the birth. I think next time I will him outside the room and call him in as soon as dc2 is born.

TBH you may change your mind when you go into labour anyway. I always wanted dp there but just wanted to be alone at the time. You may find that you want him there when the time comes x

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 28/11/2008 09:22

Word of warning passed on through my sister, don't try not to poo, the piles are horrendous apparently.

FWIW, through two labours I never poo'ed either on the toilet or in front of anyone, but if I had have done, I really couldn't have cared less! I was quite worried with DS1, and had a bit of a giggle about it with my sister, and it was only 3 or 4 days after the birth that she asked if I poo'ed (erm... as you do... LOL) and I had to ask DH because I had no idea and the thought hadn't even crossed my mind!

PavlovtheCat · 28/11/2008 09:24

It was fine. DH said he did not want to be down the 'messy end' which I was fine with.

In reality, I could not have cared less, and in fact he did not care less either and was keen to be at the 'messy end' to see his daughter arrive and take her first breath....and I was pleased he got to see it, not just the Drs.

Twas amazing and he has never appeared scarred by it (and beleive me, if it had, he would not be able to hide it, he is sooooo squeamish! )

nuttygirl · 28/11/2008 09:29

Well according to my notes I didn't poo and dh said he doesn't think I did. Mind you I had a v quick labour. I'm sure dh saw quite a bit of it though as he was helping holding my leg up.

I'd rather it be him than my mum or sister.

Mind you once I was in labour I couldn't have cared less. I didn't care that a male midwife helped, or that I had to walk/crawl along a corridor past the reception desk then back again (don't ask) and that everyone stood around the desk got a good look because the hospital gown was wide open at the back .

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