Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

Original poster

Home birth

18 replies

kayzisexpecting · 27/11/2008 19:17

My PITA DH said he didn't want me to have a home birth for various reasons. The main one being that we lived in a first floor flat and he was worried about access is something went wrong. Now we have moved and we live in a house, he has said if we lived here before he wouldn't have been so worried and I could have a home birth.

Trouble is I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and have no way of contacting my MW directly. I just have the labour ward number.

Am I too late to book one?

It would make life a bit easier as we don't drive and having the baby at home means we won't have to wake my mum in the middle of the night to take us to hospital and we wouldn't need to wake DS so she can take him to hers.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thisisyesterday · 27/11/2008 19:19

no, you can request one now. I'd either ring the surgery and ask them to get your midwife to call you, or try the labour ward

scorpio1 · 27/11/2008 19:20

you can request one from now.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 27/11/2008 19:23

I will give the labour ward a ring in the morning and see what they say about it.

Hopefully they will agree.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 27/11/2008 19:24

they can't NOT agree. it's your choice. tell them you have decided to have one, please can they make sure your name is on the list

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 27/11/2008 19:37

I am going to ring them and say I want a home birth. They did tell me when I had DS I should have one next time as I was in established labour for only 4 hours.

Now looking at a birth pool on Boots. I'll get 1396 advantage points if I buy it.

OP posts:

Tangle · 27/11/2008 20:49

Agree with this is yesterday - don't ask their permission, tell them that you've decided to give birth at home. They don't have a choice not to agree.

You might want to read up on shortage of midwives, as it wouldn't be unheard of for you to be told something along the lines of "sorry, it's too late as all our MWs are allocated now..." (basically that's incorrect and it's still their problem not yours, but there's a lot more detail on that link)

turtledove23 · 28/11/2008 13:11

Absolutely. They HAVE to provide you with a midwife. If they say they are understaffed and that you have to go in, remind them that you have the right to a homebirth and you are staying put and that if anything goes wrong it will be their responsibility. See how quickly they magic a midwife out of thin air.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 28/11/2008 13:21

I've decided not to have one. DH is really scared something will go wrong and I won't be able to relax and concentrate on giving birth if I am worried about him being worried.

OP posts:

Tangle · 28/11/2008 14:10

How do you feel about it? Its a shame, but I do feel that have to do what's right for you all as a family.

Fingers crossed you have a good birth experience

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 28/11/2008 14:21

I'm not too happy about it. But its best for us.

I have told him if we have a third then I will be having a homebirth.

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 28/11/2008 14:27

Could a MW come out and talk to you about it? Have you shown him anything on here about positive hb's? I am happy to email you about mine and what happened?

scorpio1 · 28/11/2008 14:28

It just seems a shame, i know you have wanted one pretty much the whole pg.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 28/11/2008 14:29

Yeah we spent ages last night on the home birth website but I think he is far too scared.

OP posts:

turtledove23 · 28/11/2008 14:46

Sounds daft, but watching a few home births on youtube helped sway my DH. He saw how calm they all were....

Tangle · 28/11/2008 16:36

Has he talked to any other DHs that have been through the same thing? My DH started out against the concept - took till I was about 34 weeks for him to agree and he's now a home birth advocate. I'm sure he'd be happy to talk to your DH if it would help.

scorpio1 · 28/11/2008 16:39

DH used to be all for hospitals too. now he says he wishes they were all hbs.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 28/11/2008 18:40

I don't think he'll change his mind now. The only person he knows that had a HB was his mum with is youngest sister and his Dad went to the pub.

OP posts:

honeybunmum · 28/11/2008 19:04

Tell him you are having a HB and he can go to the pub. Get him to write down all the things that worry him about HB's and talk them through/ research them together. If it is irrational fear maybe he can be swayed with some facts and reassurance. Maybe the thought of having someone else there would help as well so the burden of looking after you both was not all his. My DH was anti HB but he realized that I was set on it so he did his own research and spoke to the MW. We have had 2 HB now and he had to deliver the last one himself and he still thought it was better than going to hospital. You might think it easier to go along with him but it is your birth and you don't want to end up resenting him for making the decision for you both. Good luck.

Flip