Ex-partners attending birth....experiences please?

[mybumpsaboy]

Howdy...

sooooo I've just about dealt with the fact that this humongous wriggly thing inside me has to come OUT soon (gah!), & now turning my panicking thoughts to the practicalities of Ex/birthing partners etc.

I am v much single (ex is with the OW he was cheating on me with), but by some miracle we're managing to be sorta amicable (largely me doing a lot ofongue-biting). He has said he doesn't want to be IN THE ROOM while Mini Us bursts forth etc, but does want to be on the scene. Prob = our hospital states only 1 or 2 birth partners (i've got my mum, nobody else), & nobody else can even stay around the ward...they can only come at set visiting hours. Which is also a problem: will he count as my Partner for visiting hours (which a)he aint and b)means he could technically change his mind & just ask to be let in midway through the birth which would freak me out), or not in which case he basically won't get to see his baby for ages, n not v often whilst we're on the ward.

Have any other separated mummies been through this???

xx

He will count at visiting times as the babies father - as long as you dont object to him visiting the staff will not be able to turn him away from visiting his own child on a hospital ward.

Get your mum to come and be your birthing partner and telephone your ex when the baby arrives so he can visit his child - if that is what you want. The staff will usually be accomidating in the circumstances.

he can't change his mind and "decide to be in the room" during the birth. YOU have the say as to who is allowed in. you just need to tell the midwives that you don't want him in the room, and trust me, he will not be allowed in!

DOn't have him in the room if you don't want him there and he isn't keen anyway - you will end up screaming insults at each other (couples who love each other sometimes do this at certain points of the birth process).
Also, if this is your first child, first labours are often V long and you might well be fed up with him (and him fed up with hanging around) - tell the hospital he is the baby's dad and you want him allowed to visit ASAP - they are usually all right about this.

I had my mum and my best friend as birthing partners, and I have subsequently said to DS' dad that even if we had been on speaking terms at the birth, I wouldn;t have wanted him in the room, I kind of think birth is a woman thing and would rather not have a (non-professional) man around.