I had my ds2 last thursday and am very much in love with him. I feel really strange though. Ds1 (2.4) is a nightmare at the moment with jealousy etc plus ill but i dont cuddle my newborn at all in the day, only really feed him and he goes to sleep etc. I try to give ds1 my undivided, play games etc but even when im doing this he is still being horrible to me. Pinching me etc. I obv tell him off and say it makes mummy sad and really praise when he's good but i just feel at a lose of my lovely little boy. Hes being a really horrible boy and i know this is to be expected as his life is upside down but i feel different toward him.
Dont get me wrong i love him to pieces but i feel wierd. When he was born he was very ill and i suffered pnd pretty much from birth and i never got all the cuddly stage. I was on anti depressants for the first 18 months of his life and feel i missed out on so much. My ds2 is so far very laid back and easy and i feel myself wishing he was my first. I cant believe how awful that sounds saying it out loud.
The other thing i keep doing is thinking of ds2 birth which was in birth center and a great experience compare to ds1 hospital birth and today i was playing the cd that was playing when ds2 was born and it almost made me cry. Remembering him being born and wishing i was back in the birth center with him. Whats that all about???
I saw my gp today for ds2 newborn check and she asked how i was feeling due to my history and i said so much better than with ds1 but i wasnt sure if how i was feeling was normal hormone 'just had a baby'. she was good and told me keep her updated. I dont really know what im asking anyone on here, just confused at all these thoughts??