I had a 3rd degree tear with dd1, after a very long labour, hours of pushing, an episiotomy and ventouse. Like you I was stitched up in theatre and then left unable to move with dd1 on my boob, not able to latch on, then a MW came and told me off because it was not hospital policy to allow newborns in bed with their mothers. I discharged myself after 3 days because I was having such an horrendous time.
When i found out I was pregnant with dd2 I was terrified (esp as she is only 14 months younger than dd1), partly because of the tear, but mostly because of my time in hospital. I found a MW who had been lovely during my labour (unfortunately I only had her for a few hours), and went through my notes with her, so that she could help me with a birth plan. She advised me to have a water birth, and made me feel much better about choosing another vaginal birth ( I had a lot of pressure to have a caesarian). I also went on the hospital tour of the ward and talkked to one of the head MW about my previous stay.
Dd2's birth was not the water birth I had planned, and I ended up with an epidural and flat on my back, but it was much quicker, and I only had a tiny tear. The stay was also better, and only for 1 night. I think it helped that i knew what to expect 2nd time round.
A friend that had a similar 1st birth to mine, chose to have a caesarian, and she also had a very positive experience. You really have to think about what you feel more comfortable with (i was far more scared of a major operation than tearing again). Also did you recover well from your tear? I think they are more likely to recommend caesarian if you have had incontinence etc.
Sorry for long post, but your post really struck a chord with me (my buzzer didn't work either, and no-one came to change or remove my catheter, it was a nightmare) and i remember how tied up in knots I was about dd2's birth, and I was amazed at how different it and I was the second time round.
Good luck